Page 23 of Beautifully Conflicted

“Of course not, I tripped.”

“Good. We’ve only got a mile to go so if you could get through that and spare me having to carry you, I’d appreciate it.”

“I thought you said you didn’t sign up to carry my ass back.”

“I didn’t, so don’t put me in that position.”

“But you’d do it if you had to. Maybe you’re a dog person after all.” I glance sideways just long enough to note his cheeks are a deep shade of pink, deeper than they should be from exercising in the cold.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. I’d be doing it to keep Coach off my back, that’s all.”

“Okay, cat lover.”

“I don’t even have a cat,” he mutters under his breath.

“Oh good. Then I don’t have to worry about whether I’ll wake up tomorrow morning.”

Bennet

Ipunch the pillow again, trying to fluff it into a shape that will help sleep claim me, although deep down I’m not naïve enough to think it’ll help. Nothing will until I can get my brain to shut off.

Fucking Damien.

It’s his fault I can’t sleep for the second night in a row. Just like it’s his fault things I’d buried in the darkest corners of my mind are resurfacing. But unlike years past, when those things would trouble me only in the days immediately preceding or following our matchups, there’s no end in sight.

Yeah, I get a slight reprieve on the days when practice is studying plays instead of doing workouts, so I don’t have to interact with him directly, but those days hardly keeping me afloat. I spend them alternately replaying our conversations or dreading what the next one will be.

Sea creatures, zombies, dogs… We talked about dicks on our last run for God’s sake.Dicks.

It’s a miracle I didn’t have a full-blown boner by the time we got back to the weight room, and I think the only reason I didn’t is because nothing Damien said outright indicated he liked dicks inthatway. Not conclusively, so I could chalk the whole conversation upto one of his ridiculous ramblings and remind myself that he’s as annoying as his damn hat.

That stupid hat.

It may cover his ears, but it makes the tips of his hair fly up in a way that makes him look almost innocent. Playful instead of cocky. I hate it. Not because it looks stupid or causes him to overheat, but because it looks good.Toogood. And thinking Damien looks good is bad.Verybad.

His personality may leave a lot to be desired, but his body… Even clothed, it’s obvious the guy’s built like an Adonis. And those dimples that appear each time he taunts me with that boyish, wicked grin… My stomach ends up feeling like I’m on a roller coaster, and more than once I’ve had to remind myself to look away and breathe.

Don’t be fooled, Bennet. Staring at Damien is like staring at the sun–do it too long you’ll get burned. Fuck!

I hate him almost as much as I want him.

I’ve spent years convincing myself he’s just another guy. That there’s nothing special about him. Yeah, for about a week each year when our teams came together my resolve would be tested, but once those games passed, it was easy to forget about him. Out of sight out of mind. Now, he’s never really out of sight, and I’m worried he’ll never be far from my mind.

I punch the pillow again and flop onto my side, pulling the covers up to my chin.

It doesn’t help that my roommates are a near constant reminder of things I’d rather not think about. Things like how thatoneperson can upend the identity you’ve lived with your whole life.

For me, Damien could be that one person, which I’d never have to worry about if he still played ball for Utah.

I’ve never admitted that to anyone before—not even myself—but I’ve known it for a while now.

It’s hard to say when I realized it. Was it that first tackle, when his wide, eager eyes met mine? Or the time he stole my girl, and I was more pissed about him pickingherinstead of me?

All I know is, between Jagger’s confession a few months back that he might never go back to straight sex after he tried dick, Liam’s belief that Damien isn’t straight, and Damien’s own relentless chattering about how great cocks are… I’ve never been more curious. And now, the only guy I’ve ever found attractive is here… I just hope that curiosity doesn’t get the better of me.

Fuck!

I bury my head under the pillow, hoping that might silence the thoughts in my head. It only makes them louder.

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