Page 105 of Beautifully Conflicted

“Fine. You can still go to the draft the following year or get on the practice squad of whatever team I go to.”

“And if that puts us in different places?”

He lifts a shoulder as best he can while using me as a pillow. “I can handle the long-distance thing for a few years knowing I’ve got you forever. That’s what we’re talking about, right? Forever.”

“Yeah, Damien. Forever.”

Damien

I’ve got to hand it to Coach and the Front Range University program—they get Bennet into surgery the very next day—and he only gets three days of rest before they have him starting his physical therapy. Even though he’s undoubtedly going to miss the upcoming season with his projected recovery time, and he hasn’t indicated he’s going to come back for his final year of eligibility, the team isn’t wasting any time. They’re doing what they can to get him ready to play again. And I’m right there with them.

Whether Bennet takes the field again or not, it’d be foolish to pass up the help being offered just from a quality-of-life standpoint. So, I’ve been pushing him to take advantage of it, just like I pushed him to become a better player all these years.

I go to his appointments and cheer him on if they don’t conflict with practice, which isn’t nearly as fun without him. Granted, I’ve started running with Cam and Jagger, so it’s not all bad, but I miss our banter and our on-field rivalry.

I also really miss seeing his gorgeous ass in uniform, but since that ass is in my bed every night, I’ll make do.

Thank you, Coach, for finding me a room in a building with an elevator.

The doctors say Bennet could do stairs as early as next week, just two weeks after the operation, but we’re planning to stay at my place through the end of the school year. After that… We’ll see if this temporary living arrangement is something we want to make more permanent.

For now, we’re just exploring our new dynamic in the privacy of my apartment.

Grabbing his cold therapy machine, I start filling it with ice and water so it’s ready when he’s done with his breakfast.

Bennet said he’s ready to be boyfriends minus the secret part, and I know he means that, but since then, he hasn’t been back to practice. Hell, he hasn’t been to classes and has barely left my place except for his physical therapy appointments. He’s not hiding—the university is trying to make his life easier by not requiring him to attend things in person—but the byproduct of that is we haven’t gone anywhere together, so he hasn’t had to tell anyone we’re together.

He thinks I’m anxious for that—keeps apologizing that we haven’t left my place so he cancome out—but I’m actually good to have this time alone. He’s still so new to dating a guy, to dating in general, that he’s not totally sure how to act outside the bedroom.

Aside from the fact that we can’t have sex because of his knee, he has no problem touching me at night. He’ll lay his head on my chest, drape an arm over my waist, or pull me into him so he can run his fingers along my arm, which seems to put him to sleep as quickly as it does me. But once we leave the bed, he seems unsure of what to do.

Should he sit right next to me on the couch or give me some space? Do we hold hands while watching TV or keep them to ourselves? Do we kiss?

Since we’ve had sexual encounters outside bedrooms before, my guess is it’s not so much location as the type of activity that’s got him confused. Sex doesn’t inherently involve emotion, and affection does. Behind the closed door of my bedroom, he seems okay to show it, but elsewhere he seems hesitant.

I don’t know if he’s so timid because he’s spent months lecturing his roommates about their PDA and feels like he’d be a hypocrite to engage in any type of affection outside the bedroom, or because he’s got some unresolved trauma from what happened as a kid. Especially with how he witnessed his uncle kiss a man and it ended up being the first domino to fall, leaving him to believe that being gay was wrong. Either way, I’m trying to gradually introduce him to boyfriend activities.

Two nights ago, I had him put his legs over mine so I could give him a foot rub, and last night we held hands for most of a two-hour movie. Plus, each morning I press him against the sink while he’s brushing his teeth so I can kiss his neck and run my hands over his abs. That’s my personal favorite since a mouthful of toothpaste makes it hard for him to object.

It only took five days of repeating that morning routine for him to turn his head and kiss me. After getting rid of the toothpaste of course.

Ice machine ready to go, I make my way back to the couch and kneel before him, draping a hand towel over his knee before I wrap the cold sleeve around it, so he doesn’t get too cold.

“How long do I have to keep this up for?” he grumbles as I take his plate and set it on the coffee table out of the way.

“At least another week.” I turn the machine on, and his abs contract as cold water pumps into the sleeve and surrounds his knee.

“I fucking hate this.” He grabs the blanket I put out specifically for these moments, when icing his knee makes the rest of his body cold, and wraps it around his bare shoulders.

“That’s why I’m here to take your mind off it.” I grab the waistband of his boxers and tug, and he obediently lifts his hips just enough for me to pull them down to his thighs. Semi-soft cock free, I lean forward and take it between my lips sucking the crown gently to wake him the rest of the way up.

Yes, I’m trying to show him being affectionate doesn’t always have to be sexual, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to pass up a chance to suck his dick. I happen to love having his cock in my mouth. And seeing as he’s cooped up in my place all day, I’ve got to get his heart rate going somehow.

Humming softly, I dip my head lower, taking my nose almost all the way to his pubes and pulling back inch by glorious inch, dragging my tongue along the underside of his cock until it hits the divot at the base of his crown.

A cross between a groan and a sigh rumbles up Bennet’s throat as his head falls to the back of the cushion, causing me to grin as I pop off his shaft.

“Warming up?” I tease as I feather my fingertips along his length.

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