Page 72 of Steel

“Nope. No way, Daddy. I want a brother or sister.”

This time, I choke on the bite I’m about to swallow. “Now, hold on a minute.”

Lyric shovels the last bite into her mouth, downs the rest of her milk, and hops from her stool. “All finished. Gotta go pick a movie.”

“Wait, we’re not finished here. I demand a negotiation,” I call playfully, leaning back in my chair and closing my eyes at the sound of her laughter as she skips away.

The truth is, as scared as I am of her and Bailee meeting, it’s been on my mind a lot today. Losing Bozo, attending his funeral, and listening to the words from Wraith, they’ve had my mind whirling with possibilities of a future I’d never really thought about before. A future with Bailee, Lyric, me, and maybe, just maybe, a few other little miniature versions of both of us running around.

Those thoughts still terrify the hell out of me, but not as much as they did before today.

I think Lyric could benefit from having someone like Bailee in her life. Someone who shows love unconditionally and without restraint. Someone who loves others even when they least deserve it. Bailee will love Lyric simply because she’s a part of me, but all it will take is Lee meeting my daughter for her to love Lyric because she’sher. It won’t come with conditions like it does with her mother. Lyric won’t have to watch Bailee always be “sick” because she’s too fucking doped-up to take care of her. I think with Bailee in her life, my girl will blossom into the person she should be instead of always trying to hide her emotions because she’s too afraid of how someone will react to them.

Suddenly, I don’t feel like a fucking failure when it comes to Lyric. For once, I feel like I’m doing the right thing, and it feels goddamn wonderful.

“Daddy, are you coming? I have the best romance movie ever picked out!”

I let out a playful groan loud enough that she can hear it. “Lyra! My eyes! They’re already starting to bleed. Hurry and change it.”

Hell may be raining down outside these walls, but inside here, I have one of the two people who matter most.

Chapter nineteen

As soon as Iwoke up yesterday morning, my thoughts drifted to Steel and everything he was going to be facing with Bozo’s funeral. I wanted nothing more than to be there with him, and I’d begged him to let me. At this point, I didn’t even give a crap if Killer came at me, I just needed to be there for the man I was hopelessly falling in love with. It was useless to argue with Steel, though. He wasn’t going to allow my safety to come into question just to be at his side for his club brother’s funeral. It hurt and kind of made me mad, but it also made me respect him and love him just a little bit more for it. It showed me that he does care for me and how seriously he’s taking the threat to me.

Our relationship continues to grow, and I’m liking where it’s going. It’s different from what we had in the past. He’s been a lot more open and honest with me. He doesn’t try to keep things from getting personal like he did back then. The only subject we really don’t talk much about is Lyric. It bothers me because I want to know everything about her. She’s a part of him, which means she already has a place in my heart. I just know that if she’s anything like her dad, she’s going to steal the rest of it too.

At least, Ilikedwhere it was going.

Past tense.

Everything I thought I knew about what we were, where our relationship was heading, it all withered to dust with a single phone call.

My mind drifts back to the phone call I made to him yesterday on my lunch break when I knew the funeral was over.

I shove a fry in my mouth as I listen to the ringing in my ear. I’ve been worried about Steel since he left my place last night. Today is going to be hard for him, and I’ve been so damn tempted all morning to leave here and go to him, but his warnings about Killer finding me and how he couldn’t handle losing me too have been the only thing stopping me. I settled with sending him a text to let him know I was thinking about him and that I was there with him in spirit, but I need to hear his voice so I know where his head is at.

The ringing stops, and I sit up straight, wiping my fingers on a napkin as I wait for him to greet me.

“Hello?”

My brows furrow, and the lunch I just finished eating threatens to come back up at the voice that definitely doesn’t belong to Steel.

“Um . . . hi. Is Steel there?”

“No, he’s not. He ran into the store to get our daughter something to drink. Who is this?”

I lift my palm to my chest, feeling my heart racing underneath it. “Is this Heather? Did you go with him to the funeral?”

“You obviously know who I am, but I have no clue who you are or how you know my Old Man. Of course, I went with him. He needed me, and that’s what a proper Old Lady does. You’re listed in his phone as Hummingbird. How cute. However, this stops now. He doesn’t need you because he has me. I’m themother of his child, and we’ve been trying to work it out for a while now. I don’t know how long you’ve been around, but darling, you’re not special. If you were, you would be the one at his side today instead of me. If you continue to see my Old Man, you’re nothing more than a homewrecker. We have a child. Think about it. Is that who you really want to be?”

Heather hung up before I could even open my mouth to say anything, but it didn’t matter because it’s not like I had any words after all that. They got stolen somewhere during her cold and taunting speech. I don’t think I’d have been able to speak past the pain that had lodged in my stomach and the ache that took up residence in the back of my throat. The only thing that would have come out would have been a few croaks. I had enough shame curling up inside me, I didn’t need to add that to my embarrassment too.

The agony that has created its new headquarters in my heart is still working diligently to bring me to my knees. It holds me captive as much as my anger at Steel does.

I want to run away. I want to go back home, to the familiarity and comfort of my brother’s arms. He was always my safe haven growing up, my protector, though I don’t think he realizes that I was actually his too. It’s why he didn’t know about some of the nights I spent curled up in pain after Dad decided to use me as his punching bag. But as much as I yearn to seek solace in what’s familiar to me, it’s not safe and will only bring danger to those I love.

My phone rings, and before I even look at the screen, I know who it is. The intensity of his calls and texts has continued since I ignored them yesterday and today.

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