Page 67 of Steel

Heather keeps trying to grab hold of my hand, but I refuse to let her touch me and keep my fingers curled into fists. Ever since that morning I woke up to her sucking my dick, the smallest touch from her has my skin crawling like the feathery touch of spider legs creeping across it.

Sage’s legs give out just as a sob tears from her chest. Crow catches her, lifting her into his arms and storming from the room with fire brewing in his eyes. It’s another warning that war is coming because he’s not going to let this go. Not only did this person take out our brother, but they’ve fucked with his Old Lady, and with a man like Crow, that’s the last fucking thing you want to do. Hell, it’s the last thing you want to do with any fucking biker. But when you’ve got one like him, one who’d been a dead man walking for so damn long until his angel came along and made him live again, it’s one of the most dangerous games in the motherfucking world to play.

“Lyric,” I call out, my voice husky from grief.

She hurries over to me, her face sad, her eyes already filling with tears, and takes my hand. “Ready, Daddy.”

I scoop her into my arms. “You’re not going to be able to see him down there, Princess.” With her on my hip, I step into the room. A whimper comes from Lyric, and I hold her to me tighter, feeling the tremble in my hands. “Got you, Lyric. I’m right here. We’re sayin’ bye together.”

“‘Kay,” she whispers against my shoulder.

With a deep breath, I close the small distance to the casket that holds the soulless body of my brother. Pain shoots through my jaw from grinding my teeth together as I stare down at him. It’s strange seeing him without a smile on his face. It’s unnatural, and it seems like there should be a law against the goddamn universe that says a man as bright as Bozo shouldn’t ever have his smile wiped away.

The fire at Trinity didn’t take him out. After he rescued Sage, but before Pierce and his men were able to get there, Bozo had his life stolen from him while his back was turned. A knife was shoved into the side of his neck, hitting his jugular, and he’d bled out in a matter of minutes. No one could find him at first because they were so focused on making sure there was no one else leftinside the building. He had only been found about ten minutes before we arrived.

“Daddy, can I give him my necklace?”

I peer down at Lyric. She’s holding onto the pendant that I bought her for her birthday this year. “You want him to have it?”

Her lip wobbles, and a tear rolls down her cheek as she nods. “Yeah. That way, he won’t ever forget me. Not ever. Not even when he’s riding in the sky.”

Ah, fuck.

Setting her on her feet, I drop down in a crouch to unclasp the necklace from her neck, then I place it in her hand before picking her back up. She leans over and lets it dangle above where his heart once beat. With a whispered, “I love you, Uncle Bozo,” she lets it slide gently from her hand to fall into a pile.

“Your turn, Daddy,” she whispers.

I kiss her on the head and set her on her feet, nodding to where Heather is standing just at the edge of the door. “Why don’t you go stand with your mom? Think I’m goin’ to do this one on my own, kiddo. I love you, Princess.”

Lyric nods and wipes away her tears. “‘Kay. Love you too.”

I wait until I make sure Heather has her before turning back to the table. My fingers latch onto the edge of the casket and tighten as I gaze down at him.

“Dammit, brother. Your silly ass ain’t supposed to be here. Still had jokes to tell and people to make laugh. Still had a woman to fall in love with and a kid to father. This isn’t where your life was supposed to end.” I close my eyes when a tear falls from them. “You had so much goddamn life left to live. But know, brother, you’re leaving a hole in all of us. Your life was so fuckin’ bright that this club is goin’ to be a little bit darker for a while without it. They’re goin’ to pay, Bozo. We’re goin’ to catch them and they’re goin’ to pay for takin’ your light out of thisworld. That’s a vow I make to you. I hope you lived a good life, brother. Watch out for us while you’re ridin’ along in the sky.”

I open my eyes and kiss two of my fingers, placing them over his name patch on his cut before wiping my eyes and locking my shit down again.

My shoulders are stiff, my jaw is clenched, and my hands are fisted as I march from the room. Trusting that Heather has our daughter, I head outside, needing the air to fucking breath. Everywhere I look, there’s someone wanting to give me their condolences on the loss of my brother, and I’m choking, unable to draw air into my lungs as I shove my way through the crowd.

Wraith finds me minutes later, off to the side of the clubhouse, leaning back against the brick as I try to catch my breath. “Nova found me in this spot earlier.”

His quiet words have me peering over at him. The redness of his eyes lend credit to his claim, and I exhale sharply.

“Normally got shit locked tight.”

“It’s been a while since we’ve had to bury anyone, Steel. You can’t live life never feeling anything.”

“Got too many eyes on us right now to show weakness.”

Wraith shakes his head and places his hand on my shoulder. “Emotions don’t make you weak, brother. They can make you vulnerable, absolutely. Ain’t nothing wrong with that. But to me, shutting emotions out, not feeling anything . . . that makes you weak. We love our brother, and while you may view that grief and pain you’re feeling right now as weak, they come from that love. And love is the one emotion that makes you the strongest.”

“Or the weakest,” I mutter, thinking about all the shit I’ve witnessed him, Crow, and everyone else go through in the name of love.

“It could, if you let it. Or you find the balance, Steel. The balance is what matters. Because while love gives you something to lose, it also gives you something to fight like hell for.”

I don’t say anything to that, just stare up at the sky as I let his words play through my mind and think about Bailee.

“You doing okay? Saw you brought Heather. Didn’t think things were good with y’all. She why you’re so distracted lately?”

---