Page 54 of Steel

“Woman’s got me all fucked-up, Em. All I’ve ever wanted was for Lyric to have both her parents together so she’d have a good and happy life. But the thought of bein’ with Heather fuckin’ disgusts me. Do it for my girl, but not sure how long I’d be loyal to her or how long I’d have my sanity.”

“What do you want, Steel?”

My laugh is raw and gritty. “Isn’t that the fuckin’ million dollar question? Right now, the one thing I’m sure of is that I want my daughter to have a happy life.”

“But what about your happy life? After the last seven toxic years with Heather, you should get some happiness out of this life. I’ve seen how you and Bailee are together. There’s something more than sex there, and I think you know that. It scares the hell out of you because you’ve never had anything real in your life. What you had with Heather was white noise, a basic placeholder until it was time for you and Bailee to have your moment. Timing was never right for you two.”

“Bailee isn’t Lyric’s mother. Isn’t it best to have both parents together?”

“No. What’s best is that a child has parents who are happy. Healthy co-parenting would be better for Lyric than having a father who is continuously miserable because he can’t stand her mother and would rather be with someone else.”

“Healthy co-parenting’? I can’t even get Heather to be fuckin’ sober long enough to be a healthy parent. I did something stupid,” I admit.

Emmy Lou groans. “What did you do?”

“I may have told Heather that if she got sober, I’d think about gettin’ back together.”

“Steel!”

“Fuck. I know, okay. It was fuckin’ stupid because it’s never goin’ to happen, but I needed to say something that would give her an incentive to get clean for our daughter. Been comin’ to the house unannounced ever since, like we’re back in a goddamn relationship, and I can’t fuckin’ stand it.”

“You’re an idiot. One who absolutely loves his daughter and would do anything for her, but still an idiot. What does Bailee think about it?” When I don’t answer, she groans. “Steel, tell me that you told her about what you said to Heather.”

“Not in a relationship, so I don’t see why it would have any bearin’ on the situation.”

“God, sometimes I wonder about you men,” she grumbles.

A loud smack cracks across the line, and I chuckle as she squeals and Atlas admonishes her.

“Asshole,” she mutters. “Steel, I love you, but you’re being dense when it comes to what’s going on between you and Bailee. That or you’re just purposely in denial about it because you’d have to admit that you caught those nasty feelings you don’t want anything to do with. You need to tell her before she finds out some other way. Coming from you, there’s a better chance she won’t be so pissed-off. Control the narrative, my friend.”

“Hear you,” I grumble, finishing the beer and setting the empty bottle on the side table.

“Do you? Because I know you, and I know you’re already feeling like shit because you’re keeping her from the club, which I think is the stupidest move ever. You know what could happen to you, Steel. Wraith doesn’t do well with betrayal, and it’s literally one of the main rules of the club. Bailee would rather you tell them about her than risk you losing them. As much as you probably don’t want to admit it, that woman loves you. She has for a long time.”

“Got it, Em. Know what I’m riskin’, but the club is always goin’ to be a priority. Not fuckin’ takin’ her there until I know whether the club is goin’ to be under fire in retaliation for what she saw.”

“Do you think they will be? Does Killer know her connection to you or the club?”

“Don’t know. Killer is a fuckin’ murderer, but he ain’t stupid. Goin’ to find the connection before long.”

“Then let’s hope we fucking find him before that connection is made. Colby, Willow, and I are working nearly around the clock, and Atlas and the guys are doing everything they can.” She sighs. “Things would be much easier if we had the club helping. Thrasher could have his mom digging on the inside. If Killer has some guys in prison, that’s where they’d be, and even if they’re part of a notorious and dangerous biker club, we both know who really runs that penitentiary.”

“Fuckin’ know, all right.”

“What are you going to do if you lose the club over this, Steel?”

That’s the one thing I’ve been actively trying not to think about. Losing the club and my brothers would cost me a huge part of who I am. It would also mean surrendering my job at Dirty Wrench. I could find the same work anywhere, but it wouldn’t be in the state of Kentucky. Not after word gets out that I’ve betrayed my club. Truthfully, this is something that carries grave consequences. Others have lost their lives over it, and it’s no different with me being a patched officer. The consequences are heavier because of the expectation my title brings.

“Been tryin’ not to think about it. Not until I have time to sort shit with them. If I can explain my reasonin’, maybe it’ll help them see where I was comin’ from. Wasn’t betrayin’ them so much as tryin’ to do my part in protectin’ them,” I explain quietly.

“Wraith is a good man. He’s a good President. There’s no doubt he’s going to be fucking angry at first, but once he calmsdown and remembers the man you are and looks at all the facts, he’ll understand you had no ill intent. He’ll know you’ve done what you’ve always done—put the club first.”

“Hope so.”

Atlas’s voice rumbles quietly on the other side of the line, and I catch something about getting her fine ass back into bed.

I chuckle. “Sounds like you have another man wanting your attention. Thanks, Em.”

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