Page 53 of Steel

Even if I’m not ready to get into a relationship with her.

I rearm the security system when I get inside then toe off my boots, placing them on the shoe rack. They’re loud on the hardwood floor, and I don’t want to wake Lyric if she’s already asleep.

A sliver of light gleams from the crack of her bedroom door, so I quietly push it open. Lyric has moved around so much that all her blankets are nearly hanging from the bed. My jaw sets as I amble over to her.

I don’t know why the fuck it’s so hard for Heather to do the one thing that will help our daughter get a good night’s rest. It’s not that fucking difficult to wrap her snug in her blanket, yet she can’t even do that. Now, I’m going to have to disturb her sleep again to do it so she can sleep peacefully for the rest of the night.

The muscle in my jaw twitches as my frustration with Heather mounts.

Grabbing the blanket we use to swaddle her in, I do my best to work it under her, being as gentle and as steady as I can so I hopefully don’t wake her.

I don’t have such luck, though, because only a few seconds later, those beautiful green eyes of hers are blinking sleepily at me.

“Daddy?”

“Just me, Princess,” I whisper. “Let’s get you wrapped up so you can go back to sleep, yeah?”

“‘Kay.”

I laugh quietly when I realize it’s mainly me doing the work because my girl has already fallen back to sleep. It takes me alittle longer, and it’s harder than it would be if she was awake, but anything for her will always be worth it.

After I’m finished, I squat there quietly, just watching her sleep as my mind whirls through everything. I’ve only ever wanted what was best for Lyric. There was a time when I thought that was me and her mom being together. Sometimes I still think that because I know how easy I had it growing up with both parents together. A few of the guys I know had shit childhoods and said they always wondered if it would’ve been easier if their dad never ran out or if their mom wasn’t such a piece of shit. It’s why I’ve always tried to make things work with Heather, no matter how miserable it made me. Didn’t want my girl growing up questioning that.

Even when we were together, Heather still was a shit mom, so don’t think it really did much good. Just made us more toxic, which carried over into whatever the hell kind of relationship I had with Bailee whenever Heather and I were split up.

Blowing out a quiet breath, I kiss Lyric on the forehead and rise. Am I making a mistake with Bailee?

Goddammit. I’m so fucking tired of constantly going in circles about this. Until Bailee walked back into my life, my decision was already made. I was going to do nothing more than co-parent with Heather because it was nice having my freedom for a change. The only people I had to give a fuck about were my daughter, my brothers, and myself. But then that damn woman had to call and toss me back into the pool of desperate need I always find myself in when she’s around.

If I don’t get my head on straight, I’m going to drive myself fucking crazy and be too damn distracted to be any good for the club or for Bailee. I can’t talk to any of my brothers about her because no one at the club knows about her yet, but there is one person who will be able to work this shit out with me.

Grabbing a beer from the fridge, I head back out to the front porch so I don’t wake Lyric with my conversation and put in a call to Emmy Lou. It’s been a minute since I’ve talked to her because we’ve both been busy with shit. Truth is, we don’t talk nearly as much as Bailee likes to think we do.

“Yo, shit stain,” Emmy Lou answers. “Why are you calling me so late? Everything okay?”

I chuckle and take a pull from the bottle of beer before replying. “Depends on your definition of okay.”

“Oh, shit. Okay, so we’re talking serious emotional stuff then. Hang on, let me get comfortable.”

Atlas’s muffled voice comes across the line as he says something to Em, and she covers the phone as she replies before coming back on the line. “Dougie says you’re lucky you still owe him a beer, or he’d be pissed at you for bothering us so late.”

I wince, pulling the phone from my ear to check the time. “Shit, Em, didn’t realize how late it was.”

“Don’t worry about it. You need me. Tell me what’s going on, Steel.”

With a sigh, I kick my feet up on the porch rail and stare out into the night. Moonlight shines down on the few racoons sneaking around in search of food, and the crickets are singing their raucous melody.

Hell, I don’t even know where to start. I’ve never been comfortable talking about this shit. Guess it’s a good thing my best friend knows that about me because when I don’t answer quickly enough, she’s already figured it out.

“Bailee?”

“Got it in one,” I mutter, taking a big gulp of the cold brew.

“Okay. She’s got you all knotted-up. Best way to fix that is to get laid. You’re a big, bad biker. You should know this,” she teases.

“Funny lady.”

Emmy Lou’s sigh rattles in my ear. “Steel, I can’t really help you or give you advice if I don’t know what I’m supposed to be talking to you about.”

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