Page 204 of Steel

I’ve forgiven Steel for his words and the way he acted that day at the clubhouse. After the past I’ve lived, I can understand him feeling guilt for not being able to give Lyric a loving home with both parents. It doesn’t make what he did okay, but it makes it more understandable.

He also told me about waking up with Ella the day after I left. It’s taking me longer to work through that confession, though. Steel explained how she’d helped him to his room while he was drunk. She told him she didn’t want to have sex with anyone and that he was safe because he was crazy over me. Emmy Lou, Wraith, and even Ella told me the story, but I’m not sure how much it helps. I’m still not comfortable that she slept in the bed with him, not even sleeping on top of the covers fully dressed. I’m grateful she cared for him while he was drunk, but . . . I don’t know. I think what makes it harder is that while he was getting drunk and falling asleep next to another woman, I was being taken and tortured. The only reason I’m still here, letting him prove himself to me, is because he showed me that he’d tried calling me after I left. Could he have come after me? Yes, buthe’d also been drinking. By the time he sobered up and made it to me, I would have been long gone anyways.

So, while most of our problems have been resolved, there’s still things we’re working our way through.

If the hell I experienced taught me anything, it’s that our lives are short. I want to spend mine happy and with the people I love. While mine and Steel’s relationship is tumultuous, I’ve never loved anyone deeper than I love him. He’s hard and gruff, and he has darkness inside him that never touches me or his daughter.

When he allows himself to love me and trust me fully, it’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever experienced.

Steel is so much more than his lifestyle or our past.

All I have to do is give him the chance to prove it.

It’s a risk I used to be scared of, but after going through what I did, I’m no longer afraid to take it.

If I’m going to fight with someone, I’d rather it be the man who makes me feel alive in the most spectacular way.

Chapter fifty-three

There’s a heavy sadnessthat lingers in the air around the clubhouse now. The loss of five Dirty Mavericks the night they rescued me has opened a deep hole in the club. According to Steel, this is the first time they’ve lost so many brothers at once. Having that on my conscience is another thing my therapist has had to help me work through. Steel didn’t tell me maliciously. He was merely stating facts, but it didn’t stop me from taking it on my shoulders anyway.

I swear, my therapist is getting her money’s worth with all the shit I’ve piled on her, from my past with Steel to all the stuff that happened a month ago.

What surprised me the most, I think, is that no one in the club blamed me for the deaths of their members.

Crow was actually the one who explained it to me in his gruff way.

“Brothers in this lifestyle know the risk of a short lifespan. That’s why we live as wild and as hard as we do. Every single brother who gave their life did so with fucking honor, dignity, and in the way they chose. Try not to take that on yourself‘cause they wouldn’t want you to. They wouldn’t have done a damn thing differently.”

Smiles and laughter are slowly coming back to life. Time passes and life goes on, unfortunately.

I follow Lyric and Steel inside after our visit to the clubhouse, dropping onto the couch with a sigh. “Come here, my little heart song. Snuggle with me.”

Lyric climbs onto the couch with me, burrowing into my arms, while Steel sits at my feet. He lifts them to his lap, pulling off my shoes and digging his thumbs into the arches.

Our little girl has been quiet lately, and my gut warns me it has to do with her mom. We haven’t talked to her about what happened to Heather yet. She’s not asked about her either. It’s like we’ve been in a holding pattern because Steel and I are afraid of the fallout.

It’s time, though.

“Talk to me, little bit.”

Her fingers lift and flutter over the burn scar on my face, something she’s taken to doing since I got out of the hospital, as if she knows how close it came to me not coming home to her. “Mom hasn’t called me in a long time.”

Steel gently moves my feet and rolls to his knees beside the couch. He grabs Lyric’s hand in his big one. “Need to talk to you about her, Princess.”

Lyric’s eyes bounce between us. They water as she bites her bottom lip. “She’s dead, huh?” she whispers.

A heaviness fills my chest as my vision blurs. I grab her other hand, holding it tightly in mine.

Our girl, so intuitive.

“Yeah, Princess,” he murmurs.

Tears slide from her eyes, and I swear someone rips my heart from my chest. She looks at me again, her eyes roaming over thescars on my face and neck, and her lower lip trembles. “Did Mom hurt you?”

I meet Steel’s eyes, wondering how he wants me to handle this. He gives me a nod, telling me to go ahead with the truth as always.

“These aren’t from her, but she did hurt me.”

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