Page 161 of Steel

Why wasn’t I ever enough for him?

I never was. Not in the past, and as much as I want to think I am now, I still don’t know if I can believe it. My brain tells me one thing while my heart tells me another.

The tingling that skips through my body alerts me to his presence long before he opens his mouth.

“This ain’t your room,” he growls.

“If we’re being technical, none of them are,” I quip.

“The fuck,” he growls again, and I almost snicker at his aggravation.

I remove my arm from my face and roll my head along the pillow until he’s in my sight.

Will there ever be a time when looking at him won’t have a rush of emotions shooting through me?

With a sigh, I move around until I’m at the edge of the bed and then I sit up. “The fuck what, Steel? It’s not like it’s not true. We’re in this situation because I was shot and have death threats looming over me.”

“Bullshit,” he spits, leaning against the door and glaring at me. “You’re here for more than just that.”

I nod. “Now I am, but would I be if I wasn’t some damsel in distress? Be real, Steel. You didn’t have any intentions of reaching back out to me after you and Heather split, did you?”

His face clears of the frustration he was feeling, and his eyes shutter. He folds his arms over his chest, shutting himself off from me, and something inside me breaks a little.

It’s the same crap he used to do in the past when things became uncomfortable for him.

Just knowing my question made him uncomfortable is answer enough because it shouldn’t if he’d ever had plans to.

“Does it matter? You’re here now. We’re together,” he says, his gritty voice giving away how much he doesn’t want to talk about this.

Does it matter?

“You know,” I pause, gathering my thoughts, “as much as I want to say no, I think it does.” I stare at him. “Would you have ever come back to me after you all split, or did you really not care as deeply as I believed you did?”

Steel’s body unfolds, and he scrubs his hands over his face harshly before peering back at me. “Fuck, Lee, don’t know what you want me to say.”

“The truth would be nice. I don’t know why my head is so stuck on this, but I need to know.”

“Why? So you can use it as an excuse to put space between us?”

“The way you keep avoiding the questions seem answer enough,” I say quietly.

“Don’t assume shit. I don’t know. That what you want?”

“I wish. Any other time you and Heather split, I was the one you ran to. Me, Steel. You came tome. Not the other way around. So, I can only assume that something changed for you between the last time and when you left her this time. Somewhere inbetween, I was no longer enough. Hell, maybe I never was. Maybe I was always a stupid side piece and was just too freaking naïve and hopelessly in love to know it.” My eyes water when he stands there in silence. “I’m tired, Jericho. I’m tired of being in this constant loop of not being enough for you. Between Heather, the club girls, and now this shit with Rachel, it’s just a lot.”

“Baby girl, no,” he says, squatting in front of me and lifting a hand to my cheek. “Promise, you’re enough.”

I close my eyes, leaning into his touch. “I’m just exhausted, bossman. It feels like I’m constantly fighting for my place in someone’s life. Give me some space to think.”

He jumps to his feet and paces. “Don’t fuckin’ like it, but I’ll give you some space for now.” He stops in front of me again, grabbing my chin between his index finger and thumb to lift my face. “But we are goin’ to talk, Bailee. We’re happenin’, baby girl.”

“Okay, bossman. Never planned on running.”

Steel shoots me a look saying he knows better. “Didn’t you?”

He drops his hold and marches out the door without looking back.

The tears finally fall from my eyes. Not wanting him or Lyric to witness my break, I hurry to shut the door before climbing back into the bed and curling around a pillow.

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