Page 16 of Steel

For three fucking years, I’ve shoved my craving for this woman to the back of my mind. She deserved to find the something she was wanting, and that’s never going to be me. It’s one of the reasons I walked away so easily when I realized she was serious about us no longer seeing each other.

I’ve been through seven years of toxic bullshit with Heather. The only bright spots through those years were whenever I was with my daughter and the small moments of peace when I was with Bailee.

Her soft heart is why a part of me is glad it only ever stayed casual between us. When shit first started between us, I was still fucking other people. Didn’t want to be tied down. She was free to do the same, but I don’t know if she ever did. A fewmonths after we started fucking, Heather informed me she was pregnant. While Bailee and I stayed casual with no promises to each other, I knew she’d developed feelings for me. I cared about her too, but I wouldn’t turn my back on my kid. This time, I got a say, and thankfully, Heather was okay with keeping the pregnancy.

Unlike Samantha.

That rich bitch didn’t even give me a chance. Just informed me that there was no way she was going to have a child with someone so far beneath her.

Until Bailee, Samantha was the reason I stayed the fuck away from women of wealth. Those two women are worlds apart personality-wise, and that helped me eventually see past Bailee’s financial status.

I will never regret Lyric, but I wish her mother wasn’t such a goddamn mess. I know somewhere inside, Heather loves our daughter, but I’m not sure it’ll ever be enough. She’s been addicted to two things since I’ve known her: drugs and letting men fill the hole between her legs in exchange for those drugs. To give her credit, she’s never brought either to the place she shares with my little girl. I’d yank Lyric from her so damn fast, her head would spin.

Heather’s addictions are the main reason I finally left for good. Shit was so dysfunctional between us for the last three years that one look into Lyric’s bright green eyes told me she was finally noticing. I never wanted that for my girl. All I wanted for her was to have the type of parents growing up that I did. I kept fighting for that for so long, until I realized it was only going to hurt Lyric in the long run. The fact that I didn’t love Heather—and never would—should have been enough of a sign, and if that wasn’t, then it should have been clear when I ran to Bailee every time Heather and I split up.

One of my club brothers caught my fucking fists when he said I was naïve for thinking Heather would ever give me what my mom gives my dad.

Fucking naïve because I was fighting for my daughter to have a better mom than the one I’d saddled her with.

Glancing at Bailee’s sleeping face, I can’t help but let my mind wander. What would she be like as a mom? I know her dad was a horrible father because of all the shit my club helped them with, but from what I know, her mom is pretty great. So, she’s got some idea of what it means to be a good mother.

She’s brought up before in one of those throwaway conversations that she eventually wants to be a mother, and at the time, I didn’t really think anything of it. For some reason, my mind won’t let it go now.

I scowl at the unfamiliar feeling that squeezes my chest.

No. Fuck no.

As soon as I roll to my back, the first tiny whimper reaches my ears, and I roll my head to stare at her. There’s a furrow between her brows as her eyes move rapidly under her eyelids. Another quiet cry releases from her throat, and her body moves restlessly.

Seeing Bailee again after three years has brought back feelings that I’ve been running from for a long time. Feelings I ain’t ready to admit to. Feelings I don’t want to accept.

I tell myself it’s her nightmares that are keeping me awake, though.

It takes someone with a strong stomach to handle witnessing a murder. Someone with a gentle heart like my Hummingbird will let it at their soul.

Bailee’s sharp cry bounces around the room as she sits straight up. Pain ripples across her ashen face, and she stares blankly at the wall in front of her. Under my shirt, her chest rises and falls rapidly as she fights to catch her breath.

Reaching out, I brush my hand down her hair while I croon nonsensically until the fog clears from her head and she comes back to life.

She glances at me with wild eyes, her body trembling violently. “Make me forget,” she pleads. “Fuck me and make me forget.”

All it takes is her asking me to fuck her in that quivering voice and my cock is so full and heavy in my briefs that the head is peeking out the top.

I knew it was a mistake to try to sleep in these damn things. Should have kept my fucking jeans on.

This woman has always been a temptation that I find hard to resist.

“Should go back to sleep. I’ll be right here.”

“Please, Jericho. Make it go away. All I see is the bullet hitting him in the head.” Tears glisten in her eyes. “I need it to stop playing on repeat.”

I scrub my hands over my face as the memories of what I was doing before I came to rescue her taunt me. “Was with two club whores when you called,” I inform her bluntly and watch as the words inflict sharp slices against her skin. “Wasn’t goin’ to say anything but not goin’ to fuck you with a dick dirty from someone else.”

Pain flares in her eyes. “You’re cheating on Heather?” she whispers, hugging herself.

“Can’t cheat on someone you ain’t with.”

“What? When?”

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