“Yes,” she stresses.
“What color this time?” I ask with a smile.
A little wrinkle appears between her eyes as she thinks hard on her decision. One thing I’ve learned doing this with her is that my girl matches her polish to her moods. I wonder if her dad has picked up on that yet.
“Black,” she says in a low tone, staring down at the table.
Her dejected posture tears at my already hurting heart.
Reaching out, I gently tuck my knuckle under her chin and lift her face. “Hey. You know it’s okay to have negative feelings, Lyric. The thing you have to remember is to not let them eat you up inside. So, we’ll paint your nails black, and you feel what you need to feel.”
“I feel . . . I feel really, really mad, Bee.”
“What do you need?” I ask her. “To scream?”
Her eyes widen, and I can spot it in them. The little girl needs an outlet, but she’s scared and doesn’t know how.
“Come on,” I tell her, standing up and holding out my hand.
When she hesitates, I wiggle my fingers and smile. “I’ve always got you, my heart song. Trust me.”
Lyric’s eyes turn glassy as she reaches out to grasp my hand tightly, allowing me to pull her to her feet. “What are we doing?”
“Letting the black out, little bit,” I tell her, pulling her toward the back door.
The cooler air brushes against us as we step out on the back porch, causing us both to shiver.
I drag her in front of me and wrap my arms around her to lend her my warmth. “Scream.”
She leans her head back to peer up at me. “What?”
“I want you to scream, little bit, as loud as you can.”
Lyric shakes her head. “I can’t.”
“Do you need me to do it first?”
She bites her lip and nods.
I gently set her away from me and shake my whole body in a goofy way, causing her to giggle. It’s a sound I want to hear all the time.
“Stand back, girl. Hear me roar.”
Her giggles light up the night and my heart.
Tilting my head up to the sky, I open my mouth and let out every bit of anger at my situation and at the crap Lyric has had to deal with because of her mom. Everything collides inside me, and I rage into the night sky for the injustices happening in the world.
It’s only a few minutes later when a little scream combines with mine, and we shoot our tempers and our pain to the stars sparkling above us.
Lyric slides her hand into mine, and I hold it as tight as she’ll let me without hurting her.
What this special little girl doesn’t know is that she owns me as much as her daddy does now. They’ve become my world, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be right again if I lose them.
Lyric’s shoulders begin to shake as her voice turns watery from the tears pouring out of her.
But she doesn’t stop screaming.
So, I lower us to the porch and guide her to my lap so I can wrap her in my embrace.