Page 50 of Pity Present

Sounding sadder than I’ve ever heard her, Ellen explains, “I’m not lovable like you are. I’m broken.”

“Because of Don?” I never did like that guy. I thought he was a loser from the start but still, I can’t believe my strong-willed sister is giving her ex this kind of power over her.

“Partially because of Don, I guess. But partly because of me. I’m not the kind of woman men put first.”

“Henry loves you,” I tell her. “It’s obvious to everyone that he adores you.”

“But I’m not first,” she says. “I’m not even a close second.”

“How do you figure?”

“His kids are first, second, and third. He would put each one of them before me in a heartbeat.”

“But isn’t that one of the reasons you love the guy?” I ask. “The fact that he’s such a good dad makes him a winner in my book.”

“That’soneof the things I love about him,” she says. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m not on the top of his list of priorities.”

“Why can’t you all be at the top?” I ask. “I’m sure if something was important to you, Henry would make it a priority.”

“Not if one of his kids needed him.”

“Ellen, I have no idea where this is all coming from.”

“Good,” she says. “That means you haven’t been broken yet. I don’t ever want you to be broken, Molly.”

I want to cry for my sister right now. She’s always been the strongest and fiercest woman I know, which makes it hard to reconcile how she’s acting right now. “Do you want me to come home?” I ask. I’m fully prepared to get the next train out of here, even if it means leaving my job unfinished. Even if it means never seeing Blake again. My sister is that important to me.

“Don’t,” she says. “I’m fine. In fact, I’m going to go home early and see the folks. I can help Mom bake cookies and convince Dad that if he keeps adding outdoor lights the neighbors are going to start a petition.”

“Are you sure, Ellen?”

“I’m sure. I just need some time to think. But more than that, I need time not to think.”

“Call me if you need anything,” I tell her. “I’m always here for you.”

“Thanks, Molly. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She hangs up before I can say anything else. I have never heard my sister sound so sad and unsure of herself. I have never known her to give up on anyone or anything. In fact, she was so certain she could change her first husband that shebegged him to go to marriage counseling. He’s the one who walked.

Still clutching my telephone like it’s a lifeline, I stare at the flames in the fireplace. As I watch them leap and jump in unexpected patterns, an unfamiliar feeling of unease consumes me.

Ellen has always been love’s biggest advocate. She’s always been its loudest cheerleader. Even though she didn’t sound excited about Henry proposing when we talked the day I left for Elk Lake, I thought she was just being cautious. I had no idea she felt like she played second fiddle in his life.

Thoughts swirl through my head when I hear Blake say, “Are you leaving the mixer?” I didn’t know he followed me out here.

Looking into his green eyes, I wonder who this man really is. He doesn’t act like a guy looking for love at all.

“Sit down, Blake,” I order sternly. He looks nervous as he takes the seat next to mine. “Why are you here?” I ask.

“To find my person?”

“I don’t think so,” I tell him. “You don’t act like a man looking for love.”

His Adam’s apple bobs perceptibly before he asks, “How does a man like that act?”

“First of all,” I tell him, “he doesn’t find himself a female friend to harass.”

“I never once harassed you,” he says. “I was trying to help you.”

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