Page 60 of Justice for Francesca

He shook his head. “Some might say I replaced one addiction with a different form of crutch, but it wasn’t that. I hadn’t done a scene with anyone at the club in months before you arrived. I didn’t need it. When I felt like something was out of control, I was able to call on what I learned through BDSM and apply it to whatever I needed to. The club had become merely a social circle I enjoyed, so I never left.

“I promise you. I haven’t touched any drugs since over a year before I met you, other than to put them in that drawer. I just… I need to have them there though. Not really sure why,” he admitted.

“It’s like a test of your strength. Avoiding it is how you remind yourself you’re stronger than you were before. Like an alcoholic who keeps a sealed bottle in a cupboard.”

“It sucks knowing I was that weak at one time.”

“I wouldn’t call it weak. You said it yourself. It was a coping mechanism, as unhealthy as it might have been, but it’s understandable why you would see it that way.”

“You’re not pissed?”

“Oh yeah, I’m pissed. Pissed that you were hurting so bad. Never pissed at you or condemn you for doing it. Just glad you’re here to tell the tale. I get a sense that the drawer isn’t the real issue today though.”

“Nope. The gun safe was.”

He knew she tried to keep her reaction inside, but she didn’t quite cover up the sharp inhale at what he was telling her. “That’s when you went to the roof,” she guessed.

“Yup.”

“Did you open the safe?”

“Nope. The day you were taken when we had no clue where you were? That’s been the darkest I’ve been in a long while. Today, though, was the first time since you were taken that I was even tempted to open my gun safe, and I wasn’t planning on going hunting for anyone today. I stood in front of it for a long time before I finally caught myself. Went to the bar, fixed a drink, and threw it back. Fixed and drank a second. Fixed and took the third upstairs with me. Then you found me.”

“You didn’t open the safe though. You walked away, Ethan.”

He felt a chill start to pass over him, and Francesca also must have felt it because she reached for him, urging him down further into the bed to be beside her. When she couldn’t move him, she grabbed the comforter on the bed and pulled it up over the top of them, cocooning them under the lightweight material. He couldn’t see her, but it was dark and warm, and it seemed to hold the memories at bay because the dim shapes in the bedroom were no longer morphing into the jungle or the magic room mixed together.

Inside the impromptu tent, she whispered to him, “Promise me something.”

“What’s that?”

“If you ever feel like taking anything out of that drawer… or opening that safe… no matter what happens between us after today, you call me. I’ll come running. No matter what. Whether I’m in the middle of an undercover assignment or I’m just down the hall… I’ll come running.”

Time stopped. The earth stopped turning. There was a great conjunction of planets. He didn’t know. Those words from Francesca were the balm to the wound. “I promise.”

“I mean it, Ethan. Even if I storm out of this apartment so pissed at you that I never want to see or speak to you again, you call me. I. Will. Come. Running.”

He hugged her close. “I promise. I’ll call.”

She nestled in tight. He felt his body temperature regulate. In fact, now it was heating up and taking notice of a very beautiful, very naked Francesca next to him. “I’m sorry I worried you, sweetheart.”

“We’re even after the scare I gave you the other night.” She surprised him yet again when she rolled on top of him, then sat astride him with the comforter falling off her back and bunching around her hips. “Sooo… it’s later.”

He looked at his blank wrist with a mock expression of surprise. “Why, look at that!” He showed her the imaginary watch on his wrist. “I think you’re right. I wonder what that means?”

“It means that I’m going to like you some more today.”

“More than a mile?” he teased.

“Mm-hmm,” she agreed with a wicked smile. “Eight or so inches more.”

18

FRANCESCA’S HARD TRUTH

Francesca

He sat up and snatched her wrists, brought them around her sides, and pinned them to the small of her back. “I’ll let your inaccurate estimation go since you jumped from an inch to a mile the first time.”

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