Page 44 of Justice for Francesca

“You’re what they call a white knight. You’re always helping people solve problems. You do it because it’s the right thing to do, with no sense of self or need for anything in return. It’s part of why you helped Tilly have a chance to recover. And me.”

“Mmm,” he hummed. Lowering himself off his elbow, he began kissing her face, everywhere but her lips. “What would I be saving you from, then?”

“Myself? You seem determined that I sleep, eat, open up… all things you say I don’t do well.”

He moved to kissing her neck. “Doing what you do for a living, I imagine it’s hard to take care of yourself. So let me take care of you.”

She smoothed the collar of his T-shirt. “It’s not that easy to turn off, Ethan. I’m not used to people caring how I am. I pretty much live my job and haven’t had time to make any friends in Dallas since transferring there. Work? As FBI agents, none of us talk about needing help, mostly because we fear it can cause us to seem weak. There’s already enough blood in the office pool, no need to summon the sharks in as well.”

He leaned on his elbow again. “I can’t imagine working for the FBI is much better for your health than being a police officer.”

She shook her head. “No… it’s not. Or, at least, it wasn’t for me. If you’re a good agent, you work through meals because that victim may be starving. You work without sleep because every moment you’re asleep, that case isn’t getting solved, and sometimes every minute matters. Your brain won’t stop because the case folders on your desk pile higher and higher, some of them getting lost in time because you never get to the bottom of the pile. You shut people out to keep them from the horrors you see, which partners and spouses see as being distrustful, closed off, and God knows what else, when really it’s about protecting them from the shit storm. Bringing the things we see and dointo a relationship is a recipe for disaster, so a lot of agents’ marriages fail hard and quickly, making them bitter. Pretty soon, everyone’s jaded as fuck about absolutely everything.”

“Anyone with a conscience would feel torn.”

“Some people manage just fine. I look at Cruz, and I see a totally well-adjusted male who does his job day to day but goes home and lives a wonderful life.”

“You told me that agents hide their weaknesses. I’m sure he feels a lot of the same pressures. You certainly do. No one seems to see your exhaustion, your feelings of compassion for the victims, your sorrow at their loss.”

“Yet you see through them.”

“Because I’m watching specifically for it. White knight syndrome at its finest. I want to take away everything that pains you. Everything that makes you feel less than amazing. I want to wrap you up and protect you, but I also want to let you know that what you’re doing makes a difference. To be your touchstone back to what’s good in the world. I want to take care of you, Francesca.”

“I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I’ve worked hard to be independent so that no one could come back at me and say I was weak or incapable,” she replied, a tinge of outrage creeping into her voice at what she clearly thought was doubt.

“I know you can. I would never try to take away your independence. There’s a difference between that and taking care of someone. A knight in shining armor defends and protects. He eases the way. He comforts. He lends strength when it’s needed. It’s what a relationship should be. Two people who work together to complete the other one by supporting them when they need help, then allowing them to stand on their own when they don’t. The yin to the yang. Balance.”

He laid a hand on her hip. “I’d like to help you, Francesca. I know you struggle with your past in terms of your family, andI get that their choices weigh on you. I know you must struggle with the decision to leave them behind and that Michael being here, involved with this, is hurting you. I know you had to have struggled with your abduction two years ago, and I worry you’ve had no one to help you through any of that. So let me help you however I can.”

She put a hand on his chest, smoothing over the muscles there. “I’m not allowed to talk about cases.”

“Even when I was there? I was a part of your abduction, for fuck’s sake.”

Francesca laid her hand alongside his face, and he gave in to the need to be closer to her by tipping his head to lay its weight in the palm. This woman. She’d been hurt more times than he could bear, and she was trying to comfort him. He watched her consider before she shared anything with him. “There’s nothing really to tell. I was unconscious for most of it. It’s why it took me so long to come around. He kept us drugged so that we would be compliant.” She must have felt him tensing up because she reached up to smooth away lines on his face. “Ethan. I’m an undercover specialist. It’s what I do.”

“Your job is not to be kidnapped, drugged, and boxed like a product to be shipped.”

A soft smile on her lips, she placed them on his. He remained unmoving at first but then gently separated from her.

“It’s not right, Francesca. Every time they let you go undercover, they’re putting you at extreme risk, especially since you’ve been in danger before. There are plenty of other agents they could have sent on any one of your assignments.”

“Did the Navy or Marines care that you’d been in danger before when they sent you back out on missions?”

He paused. “That’s different.”

“It’s no different, Ethan. My job, just like yours used to be, is dangerous by nature.”

“But—”

“‘But’ nothing. I’m okay, Ethan. I had counseling after the mess at The Library. Ultimately, other than having bad withdrawal symptoms, I was fine. The women were found, the bad guys were arrested, the trafficking ring was stopped, end of story.”

He knew it wasn’t quite that simple, but he also knew she’d probably never tell him what happened because she was so damn bound by her need to follow the rules.

“Ethan, I can’t tell you more,” she warned as if sensing his thoughts. “As it is, I shouldn’t even be here. Suspect or not, you’re part of an active investigation.”

“Yes, we’ve talked about that. Cruz doesn’t seem to think it matters if you’re here. He’s made several comments encouraging me to pursue you, in fact.”

A laugh issued in a short outburst. “Yeah, he’s been giving me grief over it too. He thinks just because he met Mickie while undercover on a case that it’s a form of matchmaking service.”

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