Page 30 of Sire: On Your Knees

I sat up on my elbows. "No, you shut up before I put something in yours."

He stood slowly and eased his sweats down his legs. When those boxers dropped, I swear my mouth watered. He lowered onto the bed with a knee and slapped his tip against my clit. My back arched, and I accidentally released a moan.

"What's that you were saying?"

As soon as I tried to respond, Sire pushed inside of me. All the air left my lungs as my body adjusted to his thick, stupid, magical dick. He began to pump in and out of me with vengeful strokes. His hand went to my neck. He squeezed, forcing me to look at him. "You look so fucking pretty." His words were sweet, but the way he was fucking me was anything but. He was acting like he was punishing me for something when he was the one who'd crossed a line.

Hating that Sire was in control, I grabbed the front of his shirt and snatched him down on the bed. With a quick motion, I rolled him on his back and jumped on his dick. Every time he tried to touch me, I smacked his hands away. I planted my hands on his chest and bounced like my life depended on it.

"Aww, shit," he grumbled.

I kept my eyes focused on his face, waiting for his tell. Whenever Sire was ready to cum, he tucked his lip. The second I saw it lifting even a little, I hopped off him and took a step back. He was so gone his dick still spat up all over his stomach.

He pinned me in place with a glare, and I smiled, feeling accomplished. "Fuck you, JaSire Dupree."

Without another word, I marched into the bathroom and forced the door closed. I pressed my back against it, thinking the distance would make me feel better, but it only made me feel worse. I slid to the floor and dropped my forehead onto my knees.

Hot tears burst from my eyes as I began to sob. I felt so hopeless because even though what Sire had done was fucked up, the truth I was having a hard time facing was that I loved him. It was clear he didn't know what to do with my love, and I wasn't sure where that would leave us in the end.

Iknew it was the right thing to do, but I was struggling with committing to the task. After my actions last night, I couldn't deny what that orb of light in my chest meant. That was where Knovah lived. I don't know when she planted it, but now it was a full-blown garden, and there was nothing I could do about it except get rid of her. Setting her free was what she deserved. A man like me had no true place in her life. I knew that, but it didn't make my decision any easier.

I sighed and stood up. The wind felt good against my skin as I walked to the edge of the terrace and looked over the balcony. The city was busy with people coming and going only God knows where. I felt the warm rays of the sun, but it did nothing to truly warm me up. Nothing except being cuddled up with Knovah would.

Deciding to stop putting it off, I walked toward the sliding door and let myself back inside. I made the quick walk to the guest bedroom and knocked gently. "Hey, can I talk to you, please? It's important."

At first, there was no response. Eventually, I heard her slippers scraping across the floor, growing louder the closer she got to the door. I hated the sight of her swollen red eyes whenshe finally snatched the door open. She remained silent as she folded her arms over her chest.

I ran my fingers over my braids and shook my head. Noonie was literally the girl of my dreams, and I couldn't even have her. "I wanted you to know I'm letting you go. Your debt is paid in full." Noonie's mouth fell open in surprise. "I will give you money to help you get back on your feet."

She eased closer to me. "What? Why?" Unable to handle the sincerity on her face, I turned to walk away, but she grabbed my hand to stop me. "Stop fucking running and talk to me. Why do you keep doing this? Why do you keep pushing me away?"

"Because you deserve better than me!" I exploded, speaking a little louder than I intended to. With a shake of my head, I dropped my chin to my chest. When I got my emotions in check, I looked at her. "You see the kind of man I am, Knovah. This ain't what you want."

She scoffed. "I know the kind of man you pretend to be, but I also know the real you. Since being here, I've got to experience him, and he's perfect."

"I will only hurt you. I leave people in pain wherever I go."

She shook her head, refusing to accept my answer. "No, you bring healing too. Look at the way you look after Bria. If you were such a terrible man, you wouldn't give a fuck about her or even me."

I froze, trying to steady my breathing, but I had no control. "I don't give a fuck about you. That's what I keep trying to tell you."

I turned to walk away, but Noonie was right on my heels. She pushed me hard in my back. "That's a lie, and we both know it. Stop fighting this, JaSire. It's obvious we're supposed to be together."

I laughed solemnly. "Now, how did your delusional ass come to that conclusion?"

She marched around me to stand in front of me. "I know you don't think it's a coincidence I ended up in your life. You could've sent me to the ho house and thought nothing else of it, but no, for some reason, you invited me into your home. Sure, you trapped me here for months, but I believe it's because we were supposed to get to know each other. I know the real reason you're pushing me away is because you still feel the guilt of Clea's death."

I tensed up at hearing my sister's name falling from her lips.

Noonie stepped closer to me and took my hands in hers. "You deserve to move on, Sire. You deserve happiness. You have to let that pain go."

I shook my head. "The pain is all I have to remember her by."

"That's not true. It's just suffocating the love that's still there and the memories you two shared that you still cherish to this day. The only way you're going to let me in is if you forgive yourself. It's time to let the weight go." I didn't even realize I was crying until her soft fingertips began to wipe them away. "I understand what you're going through, which is why God sent me here. It's time to let the pain go."

I gripped Noonie's neck, needing to feel her more than ever before. Everything she said made so much sense to me, but could I really let the pain go? The guilt? It had become a part of me since the day my sister took her last breath.

I thought it would be impossible to release, but something Noonie said really stuck with me. I wasn't allowing Clea's memory to live through me because the shame made me bury her existence in a way. Thinking about her was to feel pain. Could a day come where I thought of her and smiled instead of feeling like I could snatch someone's head clean off their body?

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