Page 20 of Sire: On Your Knees

"Yeah, lucky you. You get access to me no one else has."

She slowly lifted her gaze to mine. Something passed between us at that moment. Maybe a better understanding of this arrangement and how out of the ordinary it was for me to have a woman in my personal space. She tucked her lips and dropped her head, breaking the connection. Only then could I breathe again.

"Like I said, they all want to be there. My father wants me to be chairman of our organization, but I choose to manage the club instead with less responsibility and shit like thatbecause some things that come with the Dupree name can be burdensome."

I felt my mind drifting to a dark place. Her hand on top of mine brought me back to the present. "Why do you sound so sad about it?"

I sighed. "This name has taken more from me than you can imagine."

"Like your sister or brother?"

Noonie's question knocked all the air from my lungs. I shot to my feet. "I need some fresh air." Before she could respond, I rushed to the terrace.

Walking up to the railing, I leaned on it and dropped my head as images of Clea flooded my mind. I tensed up when I felt Noonie wrapping her arms around my torso.

After a while, she said, "I'm sorry. You don't have to talk about it."

"It's not that I don’t want to talk about it. I honestly don't know how. I've buried so much it feels unnatural to dig it back up." I shook my head. "Where do I even start?"

Noonie came to stand beside me with a hand lightly massaging my back. "How about with their name?" she softly suggested.

I released a deep sigh and dropped my head. "Clea. I had a younger sister named Clea."

My heart ached for Sire. I could see the pain he was in because it was much like my own. I expected him to shut down again after sharing his sister's name with me, but he didn't.

"Clea was the light of the family. Any time she was around, you were guaranteed to be laughing and smiling. Whenever I was beefin' with my father, she's the one who helped me work through it. She was my person, my best friend, and I failed her."

When he turned to look at me, I saw the turmoil in his eyes. "Aw, Sire. Come here." I pulled him into my arms, unable to watch him come undone. He wrapped his arms around me, allowing me to try to help him work through what he was feeling. "I understand what that feels like."

He sniffled, and I knew the grief was real. I wondered how long it'd been since he allowed himself to feel the weight of her absence.

Taking his hand, I led him over to the seats. "Come on, let's sit down."

Sire allowed me to pull him. I sat on his lap instead of beside him. Surprisingly, he wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head on my chest. I was sure he could feel my heartbeating extremely fast. I massaged his head before instinct took over, and I placed a kiss on his forehead.

"When I was younger, I lived for the lifestyle being a Dupree came with. I was bustin' wheelies on a motorbike before I knew how to pedal a regular one. I knew one day I would become Chairman of CCB, and it filled me with pride. For my twenty-first birthday, I went out to the club. Clea was eighteen, so she came too, and we had a fucking ball. I'm talking about liquor, weed, pills... I was on it all that night. And because I was prideful, I felt like we were untouchable."

Sire laughed, but it was not from a happy place.

"I was humbled when the first shot rang out. I tried to push Clea to the ground, but I was too late, and they wouldn't stop fucking shooting..." His voice cracked as his own silent sobs ripped from out of him.

I continually kissed his forehead, feeling every ounce of his pain. Now I understood why I never saw him drinking or smoking. We rocked side to side as he remembered that night. It hurt me to know he had to live with the guilt of something like that. I knew all too well that it never went away. It was always in the room with you like a dark shadow overpowering any good thing you had. Reminding you that you didn't deserve happiness when your person wasn't experiencing the same.

"My father still hasn't forgiven me for it, so now there's a rift in our family that Clea would've been the one to repair. It should've been me."

Sire's confession made me release the tears I'd been holding on to. Even though it was a dark thought, it felt good to know I wasn't alone. That's why I admitted,"I feel like that too,"instead of trying to make him take it back or tell him not to think like that. For the first time, I think we both felt seen and understood. A connection like that ran deeper than physical attraction.

Sire looked up at me with the most vulnerable expression I'd ever seen. It was the most emotion I'd gotten out of him since he took me captive. "What happened to your sister?"

I tucked my lips with a shake of my head. My eyes floated to the distance as I was sucked back into the past. "Um, our father was very abusive." Sire's muscles tensed beneath me, but I knew if I looked at him, I wouldn't finish. "From a young age, all we knew was pain. There was no escape until I found drugs and alcohol when I was sixteen. I um... I introduced my little sister Alayshia to them as well. She was only fourteen." I felt so ashamed by what I did that I dropped my face into my hands, unable to continue.

Sire rubbed my back in small circles. "It's okay, Novi. Let it out." His voice was so soothing it made me feel safe.

It was difficult to talk through my cries, but I found the strength to do so because I wanted him to know I truly felt his pain.

"For two years, there were no issues, but I don't know if the pain of living at home became too much or if it was an accident, but she turned to harder stuff and overdosed."

Sire shook his head. "Damn, baby... I'm so sorry." He hugged me and now I was the one holding on to him.

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