Page 17 of Sire: On Your Knees

I stepped back to give her space to work. Walking back to my original post, I folded my arms over my chest then leaned against the wall. "Can I ask you a question?"

She finally turned to look at me. "Sure." I froze, seeing this deep sadness swirling in her puffy red eyes. It sent a pang of despair through me, but I swallowed it down, pretending it wasn't my business.

Scratching my eyebrow, I looked away. "Why do you always wear that bracelet?"

From the corner of my eye, I saw her turn back to the washing machine to set the timer and begin the load. I started to think she wasn't going to answer as she went to sweep up lint that'd fallen out of the dryer between the cycles. But then, softlyand very emotionally, she shared. "My sister made it for me. It's the only thing I have left to remember her by."

Her words sent chills down my spine. I gave up my façade of nonchalance and turned to her. "Remember her by? Y'all fell out or something?"

"Or something." Her voice was so tiny I could hardly hear her over the sound of the washing machine. I patiently waited for her to explain, and the truth shattered my fragile heart, forcing me to finallyseeher.

"She died when we were teenagers." Noonie paused her sweeping, dropping her chin to her chest.

I was shocked by her revelation and unsure where this conversation would go next. Noonie's shoulders began to quake before she sobbed. Watching her fall apart ripped me up. Her cries sounded how I felt, but I was too afraid to show. I tried to resist going to her, but the second wail kicked me into motion.

I reached for her and drew my hand back before reaching again. I tried to stop the shakiness, but it was out of my control. A hand on her shoulder made her briefly freeze. I wrapped her in a hug, unable to let her fall apart when I was the one to open her wound in the first place. She fell into me, balling my shirt in her hands and really releasing pain that ripped open the stitches holding my own heart together.

"It's okay, Novi. Don't cry... please don't," I pleaded for her to stop.

She began to sniffle in place. "You don't understand. It's my fault. My sister's gone forever, and it's all my fault." Another round of grief rolled off her in a powerful wave that almost knocked me to the floor.

Despite the many emotions I felt, I had to be her anchor right now. Noonie needed it, and she needed me.

I rested my cheek on top of her head and began stroking her hair and rubbing her back. "It's okay, Noonie," I continuously repeated.

I don't know how long we stood there holding on to each other as she cried enough tears to fill a riverbank. I never thought I could be this man for a woman, yet here I was, standing strong even when I wanted to fall apart. I hadn't expected my question to lead to this, but in a way, I was happy it did. I could tell there was so much more to know about her.

When her crying finally subsided, she hiccupped and said, "Thank you."

My body was on autopilot as I placed a kiss on top of her head. "You're welcome. I know what it's like to lose a sibling. It's a pain I wouldn't wish on anyone."

She shifted to look up at me. Her eyes were bloodshot red now. My heart began to race, seeing how utterly sad she looked. I started to wonder if her eyes were reflecting my own sorrow back at me. The thought had me shut my eyes to take a deep breath. When I opened them again, nothing had changed.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

My lips parted, but no words came out. I realized I wasn't ready to share my story with her. I literally couldn't utter a word. I'd never talked about Clea with anyone, and I knew today wasn't the day I'd start.

I stepped away quickly, creating a valley between us. I cast my eyes to the floor. "Um, nothing. I'm about to go work out." Before Noonie could respond, I was rushing out of the room. Her question sucked all the oxygen out, and I suddenly couldn't breathe.

Even when I made it to the roof, it was hard to regulate my breathing. Knovah was trying to get into my head, attempting to trick me into doing something I never did. I knew I should've never asked her that question.

Now, I couldn't stop thinking about the sister I'd lost and how her death was my fault, too. Still, I couldn't cry the way Noonie had, so I did what I did best. I pushed everything I was feeling deep down until I felt numb before I began my workout. Pushing my body to its limits until the only thing I felt was the sting of my muscles and the rivers of sweat running down my face. That was how I cried.

Walking onto the terrace with my journal, I inhaled a gust of wind that whipped my hair around my head. My hair was a curly mess because I finally had to wash it. Sire was at least kind enough to purchase hair products for me to maintain my growing mane, but I was craving a set of braids really bad.

I plopped down into his lounge chair with a huff. It was another day trapped in the penthouse. I felt so disconnected from the world because, suddenly, my life was revolving around one person. He was the only person I saw... the only one I talked to, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Since Ria flipped on me, I technically had no one left. I wasn't even sure what I was still fighting to be alive for.

There was nothing tethering me to this world. Tears welled in my eyes, knowing exactly where my thought process would lead me. I'd been here plenty of times, one of which I'd been thinking about more often since the day in the laundry room when I allowed Sire a glimpse into the broken girl within. The one who terribly missed her sister more every day. Somehow, being a failure in life felt like a slap to her face. What was the point of being here if shit was never going to get better?

I placed my journal on the side table and focused on the sun setting in the distance. For some reason, the array of beautiful colors made me sad instead of inspired or hopeful. I couldn't stop thinking about my sister. I saw her smile in my mind every time I closed my eyes.

Alayshia...She would've been twenty-two years old if she was still here. Being two years younger than me made us not only sisters but best friends. You would never see one of us without the other one. I loved every moment of it. Even when I had to fight her battles for her, I took it all in stride.

I sniffled as the first set of tears began to fall. My chest caved in. My bottom lip quivered, and my soul cried out in pure agony. Why couldn't we have been born to better parents? Parents who loved, supported, and cared for us with every fiber of their being? Instead, God tossed us in the furnace, and we'd both ultimately been burned alive because of the heat.

Our father was an alcoholic who had a hard time keeping his hands to himself. I lost track of the number of times he hit us. Sometimes, it was for the littlest things, like leaving a spoon in the kitchen sink. While extremely beautiful, our mother was a hollow shell who did the bare minimum to care for us. Lord knows she never stood up for us or tried to get us away from him, no matter what he did.

"I'm so sorry, Lay," I confessed aloud. "I should've been better." I wished I had the courage to take my sister and leave before things got worse before... I lost the only person I cared about and who genuinely loved me.

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