Page 59 of Knocked Up by my Best Friend's Brothers

18

Christa

By nightfall, I’m back at my apartment building, just getting out of a cab after dropping Aunt Mary off at her place. I find Cassius, River, and Nathan waiting for me at the base of the front steps, all three looking understandably worried and upset.

“What the hell, Christa?” River snaps.

I show him my dead phone. “Everything happened so fast, I didn’t even charge my phone. I’m sorry.”

“We tried to see you at the hospital,” Cassius replies. “You said, according to your attending physician, that you’re ‘not accepting any visitors.’”

“We hung around for long enough for your doctor to call security on us,” Nathan adds, a muscle ticking furiously in his square jaw. “It was pretty embarrassing, to be honest.”

“I owe you an apology, but I really just needed some space, some room to recover,” I say with a trembling voice. “The doctor assured you I was okay, though. All you had to do was respect my wishes.”

River scoffs and moves closer to me. My heart starts beating faster with each step he takes. “Are you fucking serious right now?” he asks. “Christa, we were worried sick about you. You collapsed in the middle of a meeting with your developers, and you expect us to just… what, keep a courteous distance?”

“I was hoping for that particular outcome, yes,” I mumble, barely able to look him in the eyes. I feel awful, but I do need to put some distance between us. They have a way of inadvertently messing with my senses, and I don’t want to let my heart get in the way of my decision-making. Not in my current condition. “River, I’m sorry. I’ll say it a thousand times, and someday, I will earn your forgiveness, but right now, I need some room. Please.”

“How would you describe our relationship, Christa?” Cassius calmly asks while River steps aside.

I feel their eyes on me. Their collective urge to touch me, to hold me—it resonates within me, too. But restraint must be practiced. For everyone’s sake.

“What do you mean?” I reply, looking around.

There’s not much foot traffic at this hour, particularly in a neighborhood that is usually quiet after dark. The occasional car rumbles down the road, and I get a nod from a passing neighbor, but that’s about it. I wish the quiet of this early evening could translate into some kind of quiet inside my soul, too.

“The four of us,” Cassius says. “How would you describe us? Just fun? Or is there something more happening between us?”

“We’re in a complicated situation,” I reply. “Surely you understand that.”

“Screw the societal norms for a second. I don’t care what other people think or want from us. I want to know howyoufeel about us.” He pauses. “What are we to you, Christa?”

“I’m not sure. We never really talked about it,” I say.

“But what do our actions tell you?” Cassius replies. “Do we come across as super-rich playboys who just want to have fun?”

I shake my head slowly. “No.”

“There’s more to us than we ever expected, that much is true,” Nathan adds. “You are a friend, first and foremost. We don’t let our closest friends go through things on their own, Christa. You went through something today.”

“It was just a fainting spell,” I reply. “All the stress, the erratic eating, not enough water, I’ve got a few things on my mind—”

“Why don’t you talk to us about any of it? About what happened at Perry-Sage?” River asks with a furrowed brow. “We all know it’s at least part of the reason you’ve been acting so out of character lately.”

“Because it’s my story to tell, and I decide when I tell it,” I snap, quick to fumble through my purse for the keys. Good thing Aunt Mary stopped by the office first to grab my things before she came to find me at the hospital. “And I’m not ready to tell it yet. You’re just going to have to respect that.”

Nathan takes a deep breath. “We’re trying, Christa. But it’s obvious that it’s eating you up inside. How much longer do you think you can last? It will only get worse.”

“Why won’t you let us help you?” Cassius adds. “Whatever it is, we can work it out. We can at least listen and not judge. You should know that by now.”

I’m tearing up, clutching my keys in one hand while I try to think of a way out of this conversation, before I cave in and break the promise I made to myself.

“It’s not you; I swear. You guys have been nothing but kind and loving and supportive in every possible way. I’m the bad apple, okay? I’ve done things you won’t approve of. Things I thought I could live with. And now, I’m having to pay for my sins. I cannot possibly drag any of you down with me.”

“Christa, I’d bet the company that we’ve done worse in the years we’ve been apart,” River says. “We can handle your past. You’ve certainly been able to handle ours. Give us some credit, baby.”

“Can I just go to bed and meet you at the office tomorrow?” I suggest, already thinking of a way to shirk out of work altogether, at least for a couple of days. “We could grab a coffee and bear claw from the cafeteria, find a quiet spot, and talk. Just not now, not tonight.”

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