Page 34 of Edge of Forever

“I’m going on tour too, remember? I was going to leave the tour to fly home so we could do those things we planned. There’s no reason we can’t do our shopping while we’re on the road. We’ll just ship everything to New York. That part of it isn’t a big deal. I’m more worried about what happens in the fall. If, God forbid, something happens with Lexi’s pregnancy. If you’re their back-up plan, and they need you, what about college?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I needed to talk to you.”

“Do you not want to go to college?” she asks softly.

“I do but…” Tears puddle in my eyes and I take a shaky breath.

“But…”

“But this is what I want todo. Sing. Play music. Go on tour. I want to record a solo album and become a star. And it feels like this is the perfect jumping off point.”

“I thought college was the jumping off point,” she counters. “I thought you were going to spend the next four years writing music and finding musicians you want to work with, maybe starting a band of your own… playing the club scene in New York. Figuring out the logistics of being a solo artist while getting your degree.”

“Yes.” I do want those things.

I just want this more.

“But touring is calling your name.”

Tears spill down my cheeks. “Yes—and I’m sorry! Please don’t be mad!”

“Oh, honey, what are you sorry about?” She puts Poppy in the bouncy seat on the floor and then quickly reaches out to hug me. “And why would I be mad? You don’t have to feel bad about figuring out what you want to do in life.”

“We had a deal, I promised you I would go, but now I’m not sure, and I know you had to drop out to take care of us and?—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” She strokes my hair for a moment but then sits back and forces me to look at her. “Are you going to college forme? Because that’s not what I want. Yes, I encouraged you to go because it’s a smart decision. Get a degree, make sure you have something to fall back on in case the music thing doesn’t pan out, but I won’t be upset if you don’t. Kirsten, listen to me—all I’ve ever wanted was for you to follow your dreams. I kept you a little reined in because you needed time to grow up. But you’re an adult now and fully capable of making your own decisions.”

“Apparently I’m not!” I sniffle. “Look at me, I’m a mess. I don’t know what to do. I want to go to college. I want to go on tour. I want to be with Sam. I want to spend the summer with my friends… what’s wrong with me?”

“Ah. Well.” She smiles. “Welcome to adulting. It’s not always easy.”

“So how do I decide?”

“I think you’vealreadymade your decision.”

“I haven’t,” I insist.

She brushes my hair back from my face. “The good news is, you have the money and support to do whatever the hell you want. I never had that but I’m eternally grateful you do. So go on tour this summer and then go to school. If success comes calling, there’s no reason you can’t leave school. There’s always the chance your professors will work with you since it’s real-life experience. It’s not ideal, but the only person you need to be true to is yourself.”

“You’re not mad?” I ask in confusion.

“Why would I be mad? You think I didn’t know this was always a possibility? You have a hit single under your belt. You’realreadya star. I knew there was a good chance you’d bail on college to follow your dreams—and who am I to tell you not to do that?”

“You’re the only parent I have,” I whisper. “I know technically you’re not, but you’re my mom and big sister all rolled into one—I trust you more than anyone. And I don’t want to let you down!”

She hugs me tightly. “Never. You’re one of my babies too, honey. I love you and Colby just as much as the kids I gave birth to. That’s why I want you to follow your heart. Adulting is hard but you have all of us to help guide and support you along the way. I want you to have it all. I don’t know if you can but we sure as hell can try.”

I wasn’t expecting this at all and I’m not sure what to say.

So I settle for the most heartfelt thing I can think of.

“I love you, Syd.”

“Love you too, kiddo.”

FOURTEEN

Sam

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