Ishe going to find a way to gently end things between us? I know he won’t be a jerk, but I’m not prepared for him to end things completely.
I need to stop being so insecure.
Just because we had sex doesn’t mean he owes me anything.
Except he does.
We spent months leading up to the main event.
I can’t wrap my head around the idea that he gave me what I wanted and now he’s done with me.
I dab on some lip gloss and then hurry back downstairs, sliding on my sandals.
“Let’s go.”
We get into the rental car he’s driving, and he reaches across the center console for my hand.
“Are you breaking things off?” I blurt.
He squeezes my hand. “Not unless that’s what you want.”
“No. I never want that.”
“What do you want?”
It’s such a simple question but I don’t know the answer.
At least, I don’t have a specific answer.
I have a general idea what I want. Articulating it is proving to be more difficult.
“I want it all,” I admit softly.
“What does that mean?”
“It means I want to go to college, I want to be a rock star, and I want you. I just don’t know if I can have all of that.”
“That’s what I was thinking too.”
My heart sinks.
“The problem,” he continues before I can respond, “is that my feelings for you make it a lot more complicated than I originally thought.”
“Same.”
“And if we’re really, truly honest with each other—it’s going to be hard. Much harder than you think.”
“What do you mean?”
“For the purposes of this conversation—because I’m not being literal—I’ve done everything. One-night stands. Threesomes. Drugs—just pot and coke a few times, it’s really not my scene, though, so that’s not an issue. Frat parties and all-nighters. You name it, I’ve done it. You, on the other hand, haven’t done anything. Yes, you have more success than I do, but not the life experience to go with it. You’re going to be in college, and it’s possibly going to have been months since we’ve seen each other. You’ll be at a party and a cute guy is going to be flirting with you. You’re going to want to kiss him or?—”
“No, I?—”
“Let me finish,” he interrupts. “Please.”
“Okay.”
“The thing is, I believe in that situation, youshouldkiss him.”