Page 18 of Her Shadow

From behind them, Riley’s voice cut through the silent tension like a jagged blade. “Tough call,” he said with disdain, but there was something else there, too—a reluctant respect. “I guess you’ve got the stomach for this after all.”

Sam’s muscles tightened, bracing for the verbal assault she knew was coming. But there was nothing. Riley didn’t move in for the kill as she expected. He stood there, sizing her up, his eyes hard and calculating.

“I told you this ain't my first rodeo,” Sam said, shrugging her shoulders and raising her palms to the sky, “I can make tough calls.”

Riley’s lip curled as his eyes flicked briefly to the dead woman at her feet. His jaw clenched, the muscles in his neck tensing before he turned away with a grunt. Come on. “Let’s get moving. There’s no time to waste.”

Sam’s breath left her in a slow exhale, her body still vibrating with adrenaline. Kara’s eyes lingered on her for a momentlonger, searching her face for... For what? Was she looking for signs of remorse or guilt? If so, she wasn’t going to find anything. All Sam could feel was the cold, hard certainty of survival.

Without saying a word to each other, they left the room and made their way back through the dark, decaying corridors. The silence between them was thick, but Sam didn’t let it bother her. She’d done what needed to be done. That was all that mattered.

7

KARA

Kara sat cross-legged on the wooden floor of their small cabin, her back against the rough wall. Every muscle in her body seemed tight with tension. Her fingertips lightly brushed the ragged scar running along her wrist. It was only the slightest, faintest of lines but a reminder of one of many close calls. How many battles had she fought since the outbreak? There are too many to count. But she had memorized each scar on her body—etched into her skin like a roadmap of survival. She never forgot the faces, either. The faces of those she couldn’t save.

She glanced at Sam, who was quietly sitting on the edge of the bed across the room. Sam wasn’t making eye contact with her, but Kara could still feel her watching. It felt as if there was a storm brewing.

God, we’re going to have to talk about it at some point.

Kara inhaled, slow and deep, but the air felt thick and soupy as if the room were full of smoke or fog. The small space was barely big enough for a bed, a small table, and their scattered gear. It was true that it often felt too confining, but it was safe…and still. And that meant they were the lucky ones. Out therein the wilderness, in the land of the undead, you didn’t have time to sit and just be still. Every second was spent watching, scanning, and moving. Here within Fort Haven’s walls, her mind had nowhere to go but inward.

“You’ve been quiet since yesterday,” Sam said with no discernible emotion in her voice. “And I guess I have, as well.”

Kara hadn’t realized how much she’d needed to hear Sam’s voice. Her nerves were raw, and she needed Sam to acknowledge what had happened at the barracks.

Kara didn’t respond immediately. She shifted her weight, her fingers absently tracing the old, jagged wound along her arm. “I guess I’ve just been thinking,” she finally muttered, her voice coming out harsher than she intended.

Sam tilted her head. “Really? About what?”

Kara wanted to look away. She couldn’t handle the weight of Sam’s questioning gaze. But she couldn’t back down, either. She held it in, letting the silence stretch between them. The truth was right there in front of her, threatening to suffocate her if she didn’t let it out. And Sam... Sam needed to give her answers.

“Listen. It’s about yesterday,” Kara finally whispered, her voice cracking at the edges. “That woman. I don’t know how you knew she was infected. What if we’d been able to help her? Did you just kill her for the sake of it? I don’t know what gives you the right to make that kind of decision. I couldn’t sleep last night. The image of what you did kept playing through my mind, Sam. I haven’t seen many people kill like that.”

Sam’s expression didn’t change, but there was a subtle shift in the way she moved as if bracing herself for a fight. “Really? You’ve come this far and never seen anything like it? You’ve been fucking lucky if that’s the case. The only regret I have is that I should have been faster,” Sam continued, her voice low and tight. She pressed her palms against her thighs as if trying to ground herself. “I should have been stronger. I saw the infection.I could see it under her skin. You don’t know the signs? Are you naïve, or what? You think I go around slaughtering people for fun, is that it? Jesus, Kara! I’m not a monster. I’m a survivor, and I tried to protect you.”

Kara crossed the short distance between them. She knelt down in front of Sam, who was seated on the bed, resting her hands gently on her knees. “I’m sorry. I know you did what you had to,” she said softly. “I know the only reason you’re here is because you survived. And yes, I’ve killed before. I’ve killed time and time again. But I guess I’ve only killed them when they’re really gone, you know? Like…full-on zombies. And I guess that woman still seemed human somehow. It just never gets easier for me.”

Sam’s breath hitched, and she shook her head. “But she wasn’t,” she choked out. “She would never have made it, Kara. You’re not the only one who’s been thinking about it, okay? Every goddamned night I dream about them. I dream about the looks on their faces right before...” She trailed off, her voice breaking.

“I know,” Kara offered with a sympathetic smile. She shifted from her standing position to a sitting position and crossed her legs. She pulled on Sam’s wrists slightly, inviting her to join her on the floor.

“I don’t want to fight with you,” Sam explained as she settled down by Kara’s side and placed her head on her lover’s shoulder.

“Nor do I. I have sleepless nights, too. I think we all do. All those times when I should have done more,” Kara whispered, her throat burning with the effort of holding back the sob that wanted to break free. “Battles I’ve been in where I should have done better. I should have fought better.”

Sam’s hands slid up to Kara’s arms, her touch warm and grounding. “You did everything you could to help your friends. And that’s more than most people would have been able todo. You’re still here because you fought like hell to stay alive. Remember…I saw what happened before I found you.”

Kara squeezed her eyes shut, tears burning behind her lids. “Do you ever feel like you don’t deserve it?” she whispered.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Sam replied with a quizzical look in her eyes.

“I often feel as if I don’t deserve to be here…when they’re not. My parents, my friends…”

The silence that followed felt suffocating, but Sam didn’t let go of Kara. She stayed there, her hands firm and steady on Kara’s arms, not pulling her in but not letting her pull away either. Kara could feel the tension in her body, the strain of holding everything in for so long, and it felt like she was going to shatter under the weight of it all.

Sam leaned closer and whispered in her ear. “Kara. You’re alive because you fought for it. That doesn’t make you guilty. It makes you strong. You know, with my group, there were more of us at one point. And we lost a lot along the way. I’ve looked after people who had to kill their own kids. Can you imagine what that does to a person? This reality we’re in now is…”

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