Page 5 of Kiss Me Kate

Kate

"Silas, I need to talk to you about something."

Silas hurries around the front of the truck, eager to open my door for me. I quickly step out, smoothing down the front of my dress and taking one last opportunity to fix my hair in the side-view mirror. He frowns when he approaches me, but he offers his hand and walks me towards the front door of my parents' house.

Silas's smile falters, his cool blue eyes betraying a hint of discomfort. I can tell he wants to brush off my suggestion and pretend it never happened, but I refuse to let it go that easily. His words are smooth, but his expression gives him away. "You know you can tell me anything," he says, his voice laced with forced cheeriness.

But as I look into his eyes, I see the tension between us, like a thin thread ready to snap. Perhaps I was out of line for suggesting he impregnate me, but I was caught up in the moment and not thinking straight. I don't want this to be weird or have it hanging between us.

“I apologize if I spooked you earlier. It wasn’t me talking. It was the lust, and emotions wrapped up in making love for the first time. I’ve taken birth control pills since I was fourteen, to regulate my cycle. So, it would have been nearly impossible to get me pregnant.” As the words tumble out of my mouth, I can feel a flush of embarrassment coloring my cheeks. I hope he doesn’t think I’m desperate or unhinged.

Silas chuckles, his warm breath tickling my skin as he tenderly lifts my hand to his lips. His eyes sparkle with love and amusement as he speaks. “I wish you would have said something before. I was worried about potentially ruining your scholarship to UT. I know how much it means to you and the hard work you put in to earn it.” He gently squeezes my hand in a tiny gesture of comfort. “It's going to be tough being apart, my love, but we can make it work.” A determined look crosses his face as he continues, “I’ll make the drive down as often as possible, and four years will fly by—I promise.” His words are filled with conviction, but I feel far less confident.

Silas is a beautiful man—tall, handsome, charming, with a mountain of muscle. He’s the most gorgeous man in East Texas, if not the entire state. I believe in his love, but my friend Suzette always reminds me that men like Silas have needs. And with me not here to keep him happy, I fear another woman will.

My voice trembles as I speak, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. I can't fathom the idea of being without him. "I know it may sound pathetic," I start, willing myself to continue. "But I just can't imagine us being apart for so long, Silas." My heart aches at the thought.

"Community college is only a short drive away," I offer, desperately trying to find a solution. "And after that, I can transfer to North Texas State. Austin is just so expensive, and my scholarship doesn't cover everything when I move out of the dorms. It's the smarter financial choice…for both of us."Nervously, I confess my plans, hoping he understands that this is the most practical decision for our future together.

Silas leads me up the wooden steps to the front porch, his hand warm and reassuring on my back. As we reach the top step, he guides me to sit down next to him, his expression somber and intense. My heart races with fear, but I know deep down that Silas will understand and support my decision. If he loves me, he’ll want me to stay.

Silas's warm breath caresses my ear as he whispers, "Are you truly worried we won't make it?" His voice is soft but laced with a hint of concern. He leans in closer, his lips grazing my forehead in a tender kiss, perhaps sensing my father's disapproving gaze peeking through the heavy living room curtains. “How could you doubt my love for you, especially after tonight?” he whispers, trying to reassure me.

I shake my head and grip his hand tighter, trying to convey my sincerity through touch. "That's not it," I say softly. "Of course, I trust you." It's a half-truth, but one that keeps me from revealing an awkward vulnerability. "You know I'm a practical person," I continue, my voice steady but my heart racing. "Staying close to home is a smart cost-effective decision. And being able to stay close to you is an added bonus." I keep my voice steady, hoping I sound far more confident than I feel.

“You’re not staying here, Kate.” Silas's voice is filled with love but also a hint of frustration. “I love you and there’s no way I’d ever allow you to throw away your dreams. You and I are soul mates meant to build each other up, not tear each other down.” He releases a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumping with the weight of his words and making me feel like he’s disappointed in a childish idea.

Anger starts to bubble within me, slowly but steadily rising. Despite his loving words, I can't help but feel patronized and belittled. How dare he dismiss my decisions so easily?

“You’d neverallowme?” My voice trembles with emotion as I stammer out a response. “This is my decision, Silas. I get to choose what’s right for me— not you. If you truly see me as an equal partner in this relationship, then you shouldn't be so quick to dismiss my thoughts and feelings.” The words hang in the air between us, hot with anger and hurt.

Silas’s brow creases with concern. “Baby, you can’t give up your scholarship. Ever since I’ve known you, all you’ve ever spoken about was attending the University of Texas. Do you have any idea how much you’ll regret giving up that experience to attend community college? I don’t have your brains, darling. I ruined my chance at attending college when I injured my arm and lost my ride. We’re going to spend the rest of our lives together—four years is a flash in the pan. Don’t blow it, Kate. You won’t lose me, baby.”

My illogical fears quickly give way to unwarranted rage. Just because Silas is older doesn't mean he knows better than me. I may have relinquished control to him during sex, but that doesn’t give him the right to dictate my choices outside of the bedroom. “You want me to leave, don't you? A four-year break gives you plenty of time to sow your wild oats while I pine for you in Austin. That's why you flinched when I asked you to come inside me. Why would Silas Gentry want to be tied down with a wife and baby when there will always be buckle bunnies throwing themselves at him?” My anger consumes me, and I lose all sense of reason. Even though Silas hasn't performed with the rodeo in over a year, I can't shake off the memory of those groupies fighting for his attention.

"Buckle bunnies?" Silas stammers in disbelief, trying to find the right words to respond. "Honey, that's not true. I never slept with those girls. For the past two years, I've only had eyes for you. You're my one and only. We have the whole summer to figure out ways to make our long-distance relationship workwhile you're away at school and I'm here. Please don't let me be the reason you give up on your dream, Kate."

I stand and wipe the dust from the back of my dress. “I know my own mind, Silas. I’ve already applied to Tyler Community College and received my welcome packet yesterday. I’ll start summer session next month.” I cross my arms over my chest and pivot towards the front door. “It’s my choice and I know what I’m doing.”

Silas stands abruptly and gives me a stern look. I've never seen him so upset with me before, and his expression fills me with anxiety. “You won’t need to give up your scholarship if there’s no reason for you to stay.”

My heart sinks to the floor. “What does that mean? Are you breaking up with me? Are you really dumping me less than an hour after I gave you my virginity?” Tears flood as I try but fail to keep my composure.

Silas shakes his head and takes hold of my arms, trying to keep me from running inside the house. “That’s not what I mean. I just want you to reconsider your decision. You’re meant for great things, and I can’t be the person who holds you back.”

“Don’t worry about it. Forget everything I said and while you’re at it, forget tonight ever happened.” I wipe my eyes and glance at him one final time before retreating into the house. “We were a mistake, Silas.”

That night I cried myself to sleep, the scent of Silas’s cologne still clinging to my dress. By morning, I regretted every word I said, but pride prevented me from calling or apologizing. The more I thought about our differences and the four years standing between us, the more my insecurities returned. At eighteen, I didn’t have the maturity to understand that the love I believed we shared had to be a figment of my infatuated imagination.Austin had been my dream much longer than Silas, and I almost allowed my lovesick heart to steal it from me.

After a week of heartache, I made the decision to give up on love and leave for Austin sooner than originally intended. I knew that if I stayed any longer, I would inevitably run into Silas. And I didn’t trust myself to see him again.

Chapter 6

Silas

Three Years Later

“You’re getting married?” I'm perplexed, my eyebrows furrowing as I try to process the words streaming through Calvin Benson's lopsided grin. This makes no sense. In all the years we've been friends, Calvin has never kept quiet about anything— especially not women. He usually tells me whenever there's a girl in his life. This news is completely unexpected.

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