Page 66 of Playing with Fire

There are times when my exhaustion reaches its peak yet I've skipped showering, so I push myself to take a shower because I dislike going to bed with the feeling of dirt on me. The moment water touches my back I immediately feel my balance falter while feeling ready to drift into sleep.

My balance weakens but I remain awake even when my eyes remain closed for extended periods.

I exhaled deeply and composed myself before exiting. The bathroom fills with steam while I cover myself with a towel. After dressing in my pyjamas I brush my teeth and then open the door.

I lowered my head for a moment during which I accidentally collided with someone. The person I bumped into turned out to be him.

God, it's always him. I apologize with a mumble yet receive no response. It's weird. He always says something.

He passes me before shutting the door. I give him a dismissive eye roll and move on without a second thought. Silence never fixed anything anyway.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

What is wrong with me?

How could I let myself lose a game like that? Our team avoided defeat but nearly suffered one. My easiest game for the season turned into my worst performance ever.

It was atrocious. Today I delivered the poorest performance of my entire life. This situation is unacceptable because football represents everything I live for. To me the game encompassed my entire life.

Perhaps I'm exaggerating but my plan became active when I received that scholarship offer. Since I was a kid I've only ever thought about the NFL. I dreamed of being the best.

I wanted to reach the exceptional level of football performance demonstrated by Joe Montana, Peyton Manning, Aiden Rodgers, and Tom Brady. My ambition was to join the ranks of legendary players.

With this opportunity in front of me I knew it could become reality.

The game overwhelmed me when I examined the scoreboard, observed my coach's words and watched the complete passes. For the first time ever I lost my focus during the game and I have no clue what caused it.

Jaxon understand exactly what disrupted your concentration. Her presence prevented you from maintaining focus.

This morning after waking up on my typical hangover day I had a quick breakfast before driving to the game as usual.

As I fastened my wristband to my arm and noticed the hair tie on my wrist, I remembered everything.

It came in images: I recalled the events of that graduation night when Travis held his massive party. We were in a dark room. Her voice ripped through my ears as she yelled at me which let me know I was with her.

I took a moment before I recalled seeing her pressed against the wall. She kissed me after standing at such proximity to her.

I took a seat on the bench as I reflected on my memories. The more time I spent looking at the red band the more memories returned to my mind. I am unsure whether we spoke, but I do recall returning her kiss.

As I pulled her to me until no space was left between us, I remember how I cupped her face and noticed her taste when I put my tongue in her mouth.

As the referees summoned the captains I began to feel the weight of my previous actions. The temperature wasn't excessive even though there was a slight drizzle. I hadn't exerted any energy. So why was I sweating?

The ref asked for a side. "Tails." I quickly blurt out.

Tails?

"Tails? You never say tails, Rowan." El bumped me on the shoulder. I know. I know I never say tails. I always call heads. Why did I call tails?

The referees announce "heads" and my heart begins to beat faster. They make the choice to receive the ball first, so I decide to leave.

The game was just getting underway. I got progressively worse each play. I would give a play Call to start the play, but her thoughts haunted me every time they snapped me the ball.

I tried to expel her thoughts from my mind but found it nearly unachievable. It took until a 200-pound man reached five feet in front of me for me to realize what was happening.

By halftime, I was frustrated with myself. Throughout the game the coach yelled at me because he had legitimate reasons to do so. Our opponent team was the weakest team in our entire region. The team remained just a field goal behind from tying the game.

I knew it was me. She was responsible for my situation, but everything happened because of me. When I saw her talking to my mom from the bleachers the negative images got worse. My senses became acute, and I lived through the moment again but within five seconds.

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