Page 55 of Done Waiting

Drawing my knees up, I wrap my arms around my leg, my head on my kneecaps. I cry so hard my entire body shakes.

I’m unsure how much time has passed before the tears finally dry up. Leaning my head back against the door, I’m filled with self-loathing.

Why, Maddie? You don’t know a fucking thing about him. And you just fucked him without a condom.

Ben insisted on wearing one, even though I have an IUD.

I’m not worried about getting pregnant, but I am humiliated that I gave Jagger a piece of me I’ve never given to another man.

And he just… Left me.

Slowly getting to my feet, my body aches, both from crying on the floor and from the hard fucking in Jagger’s truck.

Spotting my cell phone on the floor, I grab it. I’m grateful I had the sense to grab it from Jagger’s cupholder after I got dressed. I clung to it like a lifeline as he drove me to Ashlynn’s.

Walking down the hallway toward my bedroom, I notice Ashlynn’s door is closed. I hesitate, unsure if she’s awake, but continue walking, deciding not to disturb her. The shame is too raw and fresh. There’s no way I can talk about it without bursting into tears.

Heading to the spare bedroom, my steps are wooden as I walk to the bed and sink onto the mattress. Memories of the evening infiltrate my head, a dark cloud settling over me.

I was fucked, then dumped.

I release a long, mournful sigh, my heart aching. No words were exchanged on the ride here. I don’t know if or when I’ll see him again. Since I don’t have his phone number, it seems unlikely this was anything more than a one-time thing.

My eyes move to the dresser. I should change into my PJs, curl under the covers, and drown in my misery. Yet the longer I sit here, the more the anger takes over.

I stand, pacing around the room. My panties are uncomfortably soaked, and I need them off.

Deciding against the PJs, I grab a pair of panties, yoga pants, and a sweatshirt. Heading into the en suite restroom, I use the toilet, then strip off my soiled clothing, carrying them to the hamper and tossing them inside.

My throat aches, and my mouth is parched from crying. I don’t know why I’m torturing myself, but I pick up my cell phone, checking for missed texts. But there are none.

Tiptoeing down the hallway so I don’t disturb Ashlynn, I stop when I hear noises from her bedroom. My face flushes when I hear moaning, followed by the tapping of the headboard against the wall.

Fabulous. Ashlynn’s boyfriend must’ve come over.

I hurry into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator. Opening it, I take a long drink before setting my phone on the counter, checking my notifications.

Nothing from Jagger.

Disappointment rolls through me like a wave. Although he’s never contacted me on my phone, since he’s a stalker, I figured he had my number.

My gaze moves to the window that faces the parking lot. I see a Jeep parked beside Ashlynn’s car.

The sounds of the bed hitting the wall and loud moans reach my ears, making me wince.

I need to get out of here. I can’t handle it tonight.

My car keys sit on the table, beckoning me. My gaze moves to the sneakers I’d taken off when I arrived.

I need to take a drive and clear my head.

Slipping my cell phone into the pocket of my hoodie, I grab my keys. Shoving my feet into my sneakers, I quietly slip out the door, hurrying to my car.

As I drive out of the parking lot, my thoughts automatically go over everything that’s happened, trying to make sense of everything. My heart stutters inside my chest, and tears burn behind my eyelids.

I feel used and so damned hurt as the image of Jagger’s face rolls through my mind. I mistakenly thought he was obsessed with me. But right now, I feel played.

My knuckles are white as I grip the steering wheel. After all the hurt I’ve endured recently, how many times my heart can fucking break?

---