Page 5 of Done Waiting

My mom answers. “You were standing by your dad’s casket, placing a rose on it, when you suddenly started screaming. Then you fainted.”

Oh, God!The horrible images of my father’s accident infiltrated my head at lightning speed, making me dizzy. Closing my eyes, I breathe in and out, trying to remain conscious.

“It’s gonna be okay, Maddie. We can take you to a doctor or the hospital to get checked out.” My mom’s words send a panicked jolt through me. Opening my eyes, I scan over her concerned face. She lifts her hands to my face, smoothing myhair back, studying me intently like she’s examining a piece of evidence.

Immediately, I push myself up, her hands sliding from my face as my fingers dig into the cool grass beneath me. “No, Mom. I’m fine.” I paste a reassuring smile on my face. Noticing a crumpled brown leaf hanging from the strands of my long blonde hair, I pluck it away before meeting her gaze.

“Please, Mom. Just trust me. I’m fine. It’s just been… a lot. And I haven’t been eating much lately.” It’s not a lie, but I’m knowingly withholding information from her. I cringe at the mere thought of revealing the full truth to her about the nightmares I’ve been having, along with the incident that just happened that made me faint. She’d have me committed.

My mother, Maura Jacobs, doesn’t deal with emotions. She’s pragmatic and logical, collected and in control, which makes her perfect for her chosen profession—a detective at Falls Creek Police Department. I’ve heard her colleagues say she’s unshakable and dispassionate, a complete ball buster. It makes her great at her job but awkward when dealing with family.

When I was a kid, it didn’t take me long to figure out she was married to her job. While my dad was dedicated to his job, I was always his priority. He was the one taking care of me when I was sick, going to my dance recitals, and basically being a single dad while my mom worked.

My mom functions well under pressure and isn’t intimidated by even the harshest criminals. But her weakness is anything involving emotion. The last thing I want is for my mother to think I’m emotionally unstable.

Putting on a brave face, I get to my feet with Ben’s help. Brushing the leaves and grass from my clothing and tugging my dress back into place, I steel my spine, reigning in my emotions. “See. I’m fine, Mom.”

My mom visibly relaxes, a slow smile pulling up her lips as she stands. “I’m glad to hear that, Maddie. So we won’t have any more scenes?”

Is she serious right now?My stomach twists into knots, and the image of what caused me to faint floats through my head. I squeeze my hands into fists, my nails biting into my palms. The last thing I need is to lose consciousness again.

Heaving in a breath, I slowly let it out. The images in my mind disappear, and I look over at the minister. “Please continue.”

I manage my emotions by repeatedly looking at the mountains in the distance. Nature has always soothed me, and it calms me enough that I make it through the rest of my dad’s funeral with no further incident. But the awkwardness of those around me is palpable.

When the service ends and people approach us to pay their respects, uneasiness in their eyes as they glance at me and force a smile before looking away. They twist and pull at their clothing, fidget with their jewelry, and give me sideline glances.Great. Now I’m the town freak.I heaved in another breath of air, slowly releasing it.

My mom reminds everyone of the remembrance reception at my childhood home to honor my dad. I stare at her with narrowed eyes, wondering how in the hell she feels like entertaining when all I want to do is change into my pajamas, crawl into bed, and cry. I really don’t feel like going and being subjected to more awkwardness, but I can’t figure out a way to get out of this.

Trailing behind Ben and Chloe, unease prickles my skin, goosebumps covering me. It feels as though someone is watching me. My gaze trails over the mourners surrounding me, but most aren’t paying me the slightest bit of attention, toofocused on leaving the gravesite. The few who meet my eyes quickly look away.

But this stare is intense, boring into my skin. Watching me.

Biting my lip, I cross my arms over my chest, rubbing them to take away the chill of trepidation that courses through me. I peruse the graveyard once more, even turning around several times to survey the trees behind me, but I don’t see anyone staring at me.

My dad told me never to discount my feelings, and I’m certain I’m being watched.

Once beside Ben’s car, I grab the door handle and quickly slip inside, slamming the passenger door. I rub my hands together, still looking around.

“Are you cold?” Ben asks as he starts the car, then reaches over and turns the heat on.

“A little bit.” Flashing him a quick smile, he relaxed and calm, unaware of my unease. Instead, he strikes up a conversation about hors d’oeuvres, asking if I know what will be served. I simply shrug while Chloe starts chattering.

Tuning her out, my muscles are taut as anxiety courses its way through me. Shoving my hands between my knees to keep from fidgeting, I stare outside at the passing scenery.

Once Ben turns onto the road leaving the cemetery, I release the breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding, my goosebumps disappearing.

I swear someone was watching me.I don’t vocalize it to Ben or Chloe since I have no proof.

Since I no longer have the sensation of being watched, I relax into the seat, strategizing ways to make an appearance at the gathering, and then disappear. I’m not sure I can handle this.

And if I have another screaming and fainting episode, my mom is sure to make me seek medical treatment. I shudder.No thanks.

I have a sound plan by the time Ben turns into the driveway to my mom’s house. But it disappears the second I lay eyes on the two-story colonial. Memories assault me. Bouncing my foot, I bite my lip, suddenly feeling too hot.

Once Ben stops the car and puts it in park, I throw my door open, my feet hitting the pavement as I stand, sucking in gulps of air.It’s fine. You can do this, Maddie.

Chloe steps out behind me, putting her arm around me. “Are you okay?”

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