Page 27 of Puck Right Off

Stop worrying. Yeah, right. My future hangs in the damn balance because I’m lusting over a hockey player.

CHAPTER 15

Tristan

Slipping my feet in a pair of sneakers, I sneak out the back door. I was able to avoid Josh as I snuck to my room, waiting for him to go to his. Then I slipped down the hallway and outside for a short run to make my lie believable.

Leaning against the siding and out of his view if he’d look out the window, I respond to his text before slipping my phone into the pocket of my sweatpants. I head around the side of the house and jog to the sidewalk, adrenaline pounding through my veins as I run.

Lost in the images of what happened in the shower, I grin like an idiot as I run. But like a black cloud, the doubt creeps in. My ex-girlfriend, Tamara, and I broke up our freshman year of college when the distance and limited time to focus on a relationship pulled us apart.

My mind races with negative thoughts.What happens when you’re drafted?You won’t have the time to devote to a relationship, especially if you live in different states. And what about Jordyn’s plans after she gets her bachelor’s degree? She hastwo years until she’s done, and then what? Does she plan to stay here for her master’s or return to New York?

My heart clenches beneath my ribcage at the thought of giving her up. Although Jordyn and I haven’t known each other long, she’s already captivated me more than any woman, including my ex-girlfriend. The thought of not being able to kiss, touch, or hold her again causes my stomach to knot.

I don’t realize how fast and far I’ve been running until the agony tightens my chest, and I stop, my hands on my knees. My breaths rasp out of me so fast that I’m lightheaded.

When my vision clears, I straighten, tilting my head to the sky.Fuck.This is gonna hurt when it ends. And you’ll be right back where you started.

Lowering my head, I take off running again, trying to outrun the grief inside me. It’s been manageable lately because I’ve spent so much time around Jordyn. But she’s not here now, and I’m drowning.

When I focus on my surroundings, I realize I’m at the one place I had no intention of going. Dread fills me, my stomach hardening as their tombstones on the hill come into focus. I should turn around, but I can’t. It’s as though their voices are beckoning me, and I can’t resist their call.

Each step draws more air from my lungs as I travel the road leading up the hill and to their gravesites. The emptiness and pain inside my chest make me gasp for oxygen as I stumble toward their graves, sinking to my knees in front of their tombstones. Tears freely flow down my cheeks as the grief pours from my aching heart.

“D-Dad,” I rasp through quivering lips, the pieces of my heart breaking again. “I-I miss y-you so fucking m-much.” My gaze slides to my mom’s name beside his. “M-Mom. I've been trying, b-but…” My hands go through my hair, fisting the short blond strands.

Weakness overwhelms my muscles and bones, and mybody crumples to the ground. The grass is cool against my overheated skin, the long shadows from nearby trees blocking the late afternoon sun. Rolling to my side, I curl in the fetal position, tears sliding down my face as my gaze moves to my sister’s grave. “Elaine. I’m so s-sorry. Y-You were too y-young.”

My hand slides over the cool grass, reaching for them, but they aren’t there. They’re gone, and I’m here, struggling and alone.

My fingers fist the blades of grass as though I’m clinging to the ground, afraid I’ll slide into the abyss. Squeezing my eyes closed, I struggle to breathe through the unrelenting tightness in my chest. Memories roll over me like raging ocean waves, making me dizzy. I close my eyes as the world spins.

When it calms, I open them. Through blurry eyes, I stare at their tombstones, blame and guilt warring inside me. “I’m so fucking sorry,” I sob, my throat aching. “I was so fucking selfish. I’d give anything to go back to that moment…”

My voice cuts off. No one can save me. Nor should they. My selfishness cost me my entire world.

I’m unsure how long I lay there, staring at their graves. Reality sets in, and realization swells over me like a punch to the stomach.I’m going to drag Jordyn down. I’m nothing but bad luck.

Climbing to my knees, I stare at my father’s grave. “I’ll make it up to you, Dad. I’ll do whatever it takes to get drafted by the Penguins. I’ll continue your legacy and make you proud. I promise you.”

The wind blows, and goosebumps pebble across my skin.

It’s a sign. I know what I must do.

“You brought me here. I was confused until you showed me what I must do.” My heart twists inside my chest, and I can barely breathe. “I have to end whatever this is with Jordyn. I’ll only destroy her and myself.”

I stand there a few more minutes, allowing the numbnessto take me over. “I love you,” I whisper before wiping the tears from my face and the dirt from my skin and clothing. Turning, I square my shoulders and blow out a shaky breath, resolve filling me.

I won’t destroy Jordyn like I did my family.

CHAPTER 16

Tristan

Islip through the back door, quietly closing it. When I look up, I meet familiar aqua eyes lined with worry. I’m sinking into their depths, nearly forgetting my promise to my family at the gravesite. When she smiles, doubt rears its head, and a war begins inside my head.

My spine stiffens as I cock a brow at her. “Hey.”

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