Page 51 of Irons

I dreamed of her last night, and she wasn’t that teenage girl I once knew, instead she was the woman she is now. It was vivid enough that I had to change my sheets when I woke up. That hadn’t happened to me in years, probably since I was locked up as a teenager. It was always Wrenly that got me off in my dreams. Even as I grew older I never dreamed of any other woman. I’d dream she was in my arms as I slept, and they weren’t always great dreams. Quite a few were of me desperately searching for her, she was lost like Bobby and a few times I woke up crying and screaming for her. It was going to be weird when I saw her after that dream. Damn she was sexy as hell, her hair and skin were so soft, and I swear I even smelled her distinct scent. The need and desire for Wrenly after just seeing her onetime was intense. Enough so that I had to get myself off in the shower again just to try to keep a certain body part under control all day.

I had a feeling Creed would be pushing Wrenly and I together and I understood it. He was the happiest he had ever been in his life because of Morgan, and he cared for me enough that he wanted to see me just as happy. Problem is, we don’t know each other like we once did. Obviously, the love and attraction was there, but I didn’t know what to think of her yet. She had past experiences I had no clue about, and she might not have felt the same.

I hopped in my truck then made my way to her place. I was hoping not to stay inside the gates, and wanted to take her away from Creed’s Lake. I knew she needed a car, and I wanted to show her around Clarity. Despite the fact that Creed’s Lake was self-sufficient, it was nice to get away from time to time. In order to do that she was going to need a car. I knew nothing about her current financial situation or if she was ready to buy, but it didn’t hurt to look around. There was a Ford dealership in Clarity, but maybe we could see other options in Louisville or Bloomington.

I pulled in her driveway and didn’t even have the truck in park before she stepped out. I went to jump out but froze when I saw her. My throat suddenly became dry, and I tried to swallow hard. My God, was she that pretty Friday night? I felt that familiar shock of lightning bolts thundering through me as she locked her door. She was wearing jeans that fit her so fucking good that my mouth suddenly began to water and solved my initial problem. Her long hair was brilliant with all those shades of light brown and blond, perfect for running my fingers through. When she turned, she smiled, and I had to chuckle because her nose squinted because of the sun. She looked likemy sweet Wrenly from back home. Damn, she was bringing back my best memories, not the bad ones I ran from for all those years. She was my Christmas morning, my sunshine, the only brightness that felt like the sun shining down on me. She was my happiness, my friend, and the girl I loved probably more than she loved me. I just never told her how much I loved her. Not just as my best friend, but something more. It was that something more that made me leave and never turn back. It was my first unselfish act that hurt like fucking hell. I didn’t regret pushing her away and I still didn’t, because I really was a fucked up kid that would have turned her life upside down. I realized as she walked toward me that it wasn’t cowardly or selfish to run away. I would have taken her down with me if I didn’t take the path that brought me to Creed’s Lake. I never could have lived with myself if I would have taken her down the wrong path and she ended up like her mother.

I quickly hopped out of the truck and ran around to the other side to open her door. She stopped in front of me as I held the door open and smiled. “Good morning.” I said.

I could have sworn in front of God that her eyes sparkled as she looked up at me. “Good morning to you as well.”

I couldn’t help myself. I pulled her into me, wrapped my arms around her, and took in her scent as I kissed the top of her head. That was how we always were, and some things never changed. We did the same damn thing as kids. She hugged me back just as tight, and I could have sworn she sniffed me as well. Fucking hell, it was all still there and maybe even stronger. When I pulled back, I looked down at her and she was still smiling, studying my eyes the way I studied hers. Just like when I was a kid, I could get lost in those eyes for hours. I could still remember the nights she would crawl under the covers with me, and all the pain of the day faded away. That was how holdingher felt again, like all the pain was fading away. “I still have to convince myself you’re really here.”

Her eyes moved back and forth as she continued to study mine. Her lips parted but she didn’t say anything for a moment, that was when I noticed her eyes began to water. “I needed you.”

That felt like a dagger through my heart.

She shook her head. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, maybe we should just go before we talk about things we aren’t ready to share.”

The last time I saw her she had pity in her eyes, but now I saw something else. Something that felt a whole lot like need and she wanted me to fix it, like I did when we were kids. Maybe she needed to know that she had the ability to fix me too. That it was her friendship that helped me hold on to the last pieces of sanity I had as a child. She always made my heart feel better every single time my parents broke it. I knew right then there was nothing I needed to hold back. That it was okay to let her in, but it was probably too soon for her. “I needed you too, it just took forgiveness in myself and my family before I could admit it. We do need to talk, but if you need time, that’s fine. I can wait as long as you need.” I lowered my head and kissed her cheek before stepping aside and allowing her to get into the truck.

Conversation came easy once I started driving. We laughed about a few of our childhood experiences. Then we reminisced about our memories with Tony and how much fun it was with him and Clint. We had two single men that hadn’t even grown out of their bachelorhood raising us and trying their best. We made it all the way to Clarity before I realized how far I had driven. I was so lost in conversation it probably wasn’t safe. I had enemies and let my guard down.

The first thing we did was have breakfast, where the ease of conversation carried on. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so at ease with anyone. We decided to look at a few vehicles and test drove a few Ford SUV’s, but decided to drive to Louisville to look at other options. She wasn’t worried about financing since she banked every dime she made while undercover. Her dad made the monthly payments out of her account on her credit card just to keep her credit rating. After we left the last dealership, we could stop laughing. The salesman insisted on riding with us for the test drive and he smelled like beef jerky and a lifetime of regrets. His greasy hair was slicked back, and his clothes were wrinkled.

She found a car she liked but wanted to do some research before she bought it. It was a Toyota and a good choice for her if she decided to buy it. We had lunch on the river, then headed back to Creed’s Lake. We stopped at a liquor store and got some beer and wine, then at the grocery, and finally headed back to my place. I wanted to make her dinner and show off a few of my adulting skills. Well, it was Morgan that taught me to cook, so she really got all the credit. As I started dinner, she looked out over the Lake from the kitchen window. She seemed to be in deep thought, which concerned me. We went from having fun to her staring off and not saying a word.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as I cut vegetables for our salad while standing at my kitchen island.

She briefly turned to me. “I guess it’s a good time to say a few things about my life.” She turned back to the window.

“No pressure, just whenever you’re ready. If not, feel free to ask about my life. I don’t have anything to hide.” That wasn’t the whole truth, but she knew some things were top secret in the kind of lives we lived.

She glanced at me again and smiled then turned to look out over the water. “My grandmother was a nurse during Vietnam. She served, and it was her stories that inspired me. My original dream was to be a veterinarian, but I always liked to be challenged physically. I didn’t have the build of a female athlete, but I loved proving myself. I knew I could be stronger and faster than some men. Not only did the challenge sound appealing, but it was her stories. I didn’t think it was fair that men always carried the burden of protecting this country. I didn’t know for sure about serving until I read an article about Loretta Walsh. She was the first enlisted woman in American history. I’ll never know for certain why I chose the Marines, but I wanted something challenging. I worked hard and went to training. I lucked out and was assigned to an amazing team. I say that because we came under fire on several occasions but was never captured, just shot twice and neither were life threatening. Once in my shoulder and once in my thigh. We were on mostly DA missions, and we recovered too many weapons to count. We were quick, the missions were short, and I have a feeling they weren’t nearly as dangerous as yours. We didn’t have high value targets, as I’m sure you did. We didn’t even come under fire more than any typical internal defense teams. I may have been shot twice, but it could have easily been worse.” She turned and glanced at me again. “Creed confirmed my greatest fear since learning you were in Delta Force with him. I heard rumors of your missions and suspected it when I learned you served with Creed. There was a lot of chatter about him and his unit. I already have a good idea what happened to your team. I guess maybe I want you to know I never faced what you might think I faced. Our experiences were not the same. I hope that brings you some sort of comfort.”

My head and shoulders fell in relief. I knew she still faced more than I ever wanted her to face, but it brought some comfort. “You know about our female member?” I couldn’t even look at her.

She stepped closer. “I know the rumors.”

I cleared my throat. “What are the rumors?”

She took a seat on a barstool that sat in front of my kitchen island. “That she was raped, and you were forced to watch.”

I shook my head. “That did happen, but I wasn’t there for it. I came in later as a part of a rescue mission. It was Axton and I that had to stay back at the mobile command center in case something like that happened. We were told they didn’t need the entire team, so they kept us on standby. It was hell because we all knew before they left it was a suicide mission. When we arrived she was still hanging by chains and there was no question what happened to her. We got them out, but…” I shook my head and continued to cut up an onion. “But the sight of her.” I couldn’t go further.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to go any further. I just felt like I needed to assure you that I never faced that kind of evil.”

I took a few calming breaths. “Don’t downplay what you experienced. You were fucking shot…twice!” I was fighting that rage inside me and chopped the vegetables with a little more force. “How the fuck did you go from dreams of saving animals lives to special forces? Don’t tell me it was some goddamn news article.” I was losing my grip and trying to push my anger down. “Becoming a Marine is one thing, but special ops, Wrenly?”

I finally looked up to see her eyes watering, and that didn’t help my anger. I wasn’t mad at her, just pissed off that the girl I ran from to protect ended up on an elite military specialops team. There was something she wasn’t telling me. My chest hurt, her unshed tears were going to kill me.

She looked at me for a moment longer then stood and took her wine glass over to the bottle to refill it, completely avoiding my question. “Where did you learn to cook?” She asked as she faced away from me.

“Morgan taught me, but you’re avoiding my question.” I turned my body to face her, but she was still looking toward the cabinet and away from me.

“It was okay for you, but not for me?” She asked.

“I saw what happens to female operatives. I live with that image every damn day of my life. If you would have been captured, your torture would have been worse than mine. I’ll never forget the blood or the way she screamed. It was ruthless, and it fucked all of us up. When I learned you were special ops, I had a flashback, but it was a lie. It was you hanging on chains, not her. It nearly killed me thinking the same could have happened to you.” My voice broke. “I left to keep you from walking down the path I was taking, but you still did in a way I didn’t expect. I didn’t just hurt you, I hurt myself.”

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