Page 13 of Irons

Travis

I was bending over with my hands on my knees, trying to breathe when Creed stormed out to the hallway outside the conference room.

“What the fuck was that shit?” He was already going to jump down my throat.

“I can’t…fucking breathe.”

“Holy shit, are you having a panic attack?” Creed moved in front of me. “Fuck, is it a flashback?”

I gasped and he started counting. “Stay in the present. Breathe in, breathe out. One…two…three…”

My heart felt crushed, and my lungs felt too small. Flashes of a memory that involved Bolton and all the blood I saw as we evacuated that fucking compound in Afghanistan hit me, but I was seeing Wrenly in Bolton’s place.

“I’ll get Bolton.” Creed went to open the door.

“For God sakes, don’t you fucking dare.” She was the last person I needed to see.

“What the hell is going on, Irons? You’ve never flashed back or had a panic attack.” Creed was concerned.

“Say that name again.” I was still trying to breathe.

“Wrenly Carlson?” He was still lost.

“Where did she grow up?” I knew he would catch on.

“Outside Tulsa…what the…” He paused then gasped. “Jesus Christ! That’s her? That’s your girl back home?”

I shook my head. “I never earned the right to call her mine.” I was still trying to grasp back on to the present. To get my head out of that fucking sandbox and gain the reality of the present. That wasn’t Wrenly who was chained up and raped. I wasn’t in Afghanistan and the war was over.

“Irons, look at me.” I did and he spoke. “You’re in Cold Springs, Indiana. You live on Creed’s Lake and command eight units. You’re a civilian, your family is here, and in a few hours you’ll be playing with my daughter. Remember, you’re uncle Travis and in a few hours she will jump in your arms and tell you how much she missed you today. My wife is Morgan Rossi and she’s also your friend. Come back to the present and remember what we’re doing here. Breathe in and breathe out.”

I finally stood and looked around me. My hands went for my hair before I leaned against the wall and slid down it. “What the fuck were you saying in there about her?” My hands were shaking.

“You already heard it, but she’s safe and enjoying a five week vacation with her family. I swear to God, Irons. She’s safe.”

I looked up at him. “Missions, purple hearts, the fucking Marine Raiders and a special tactical unit?”

He sat next to me. “I’m sorry, I should have put the pieces together.”

I felt the first tear fall. “I left to protect her, not so she had to fight the same damn war as me! What did she see over there? What did they do to her?” I knew what they did to me and what I saw happen to Bolton. Bolton’s torture was still a nightmare that haunted me in my sleep. One of the reasons I was so fucking tired some days. No, Wrenly couldn’t have been over there. No fucking way.

“She is a grown woman that made her own choices. She signed up for it just like us.” He said.

“What was she running from? She was supposed to be a fucking veterinarian! How did this happen?” I wiped my tears away. “It was a flashback of Afghanistan, but it was Wrenly instead of Bolton.”

“Shit that’s tough.” He ran his hand down his face. “I get it, the last thing I would want is for Morgan to experience anything even close to what we have survived. But you have to remember, she’s obviously not a fragile little flower. She’s a decorated war veteran and a highly skilled one at that.”

“She had life by the balls when I left. She had a great dad, friends, she was playing sports, and spending her time with a kid I respected. It hurt like hell never going back to her. Day after day for fifteen years she was on my mind. I never really let go, and this whole fucking time she was special ops? She’s been injured? I just can’t…fuck this is killing me.” I took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. “I thought it would get easier with time. I even tried to make her hate me so she would have a better life without me. She was there the day they arrested me and the look on her face as she sobbed has haunted every single fucking hour I’ve lived since I left.”

He leaned his head against the wall then turned it to look at me. “Well, I guess you have a decision to make. You caneither support our invitation to her. Let her come here where you can watch out for her. You can also show her how much you’ve grown and how you’ve finally accepted you’re not at fault for your brother’s kidnapping or the death of your Uncle. Your other choice is to not support it, and she can continue with the FBI. What you’ve learned in the past few years has changed you for the better. Hell, Creed’s Lake has changed all of us for the better. We’ve given you the police reports for the day your uncle died. It wasn’t because he was tired, and his reflexes were off. It was because he chose to jump in front of that woman and sacrificed his life for hers by taking that bullet. Your brother was kidnapped because of some psycho freaks, and even if you didn’t cry that day, it would have been the same result. It wasn’t you that distracted your mom, you know what happened now. You know it wasn’t your fault, and you know she was stalked for months. You got your closure for Bobby. Your parents failed you, and you are a good man that has forgiven himself for things that were out of your control. Maybe seeing her again will give the both of you a chance to find peace with your pasts.”

“It’s not that simple. I was so fucking selfish, and I don’t know if she could ever forgive me. I didn’t just stand her up for her very first high school dance, I always took her for granted. I was so absorbed with all the pity I had for myself that I let everyone down, including my uncle on the day of his funeral. We were only fourteen years old, and I had no business caring for her the way I did. Unfortunately, it was the people I loved that I hurt the most. It’s hard to even think about them, let alone face them in person.”

He sighed with some exaggeration. “Irons, you were both just kids, barely even teenagers. Have you ever considered that maybe this isn’t baggage she’s carried all these years? She hasfifteen years of memories you were not a part of, and she might not be as hurt as you think.”

Fifteen Years Ago

I had no desire to attend a stupid dance. I wasn’t going because I made a promise to either girl. I was going with Stacy for Wrenly’s benefit. I needed her to realize what I already knew. We needed to separate our lives if I was going to protect her from my consistently stupid mistakes.

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