Page 53 of Irons

“Like I said before, I never had to face the kind of evil your team did on that mission. Not in the Marines and not in the FBI. Stone did a great job of protecting me with our covers. If he didn’t, I would have blown our cover when I took the evil out myself.”

He squeezed me a little tighter. “Remind me to thank Stone.”

The longer he held me, the more something inside me changed. I hadn’t been my true self since he left. It always felt like I was taking the wrong path in life, no matter how many different paths were presented to me. Instead of being rigid in his arms, pushing away so I didn’t have to face my fears, I wanted to be absorbed by him. His strong arms, distinct scent, and his comforting touch melted away every promise I made to myself. I wasn’t being held by that boy I once knew. I was being held by a man with every quality I knew he would possess once he forgave himself for things that were out of his control. I wanted his lips on mine, his bare chest pressed against me, his hands softly roaming my body and studying every curve. As I stayed in those arms I imagined those lips trailing down my neck, then toward my breasts. The little boy who once welcomed me into his arms when I was returned to my father was suddenly a grown man. A man with enough power and grace to change the world. He was no longer that little boy that wore Transformersunderwear and was as skinny as a rail. He was a tall, broad, and muscular man who had the power of drenching my panties with just one look. Even his voice was deep and powerful when he spoke. Then came his touch and stirred a physical reaction in me that made my skin tight with goosebumps. My body didn’t just desire to be entangled with his, my heart, mind and soul were all screaming for us to become one. I had to control those needs because I was always twenty steps further than him with both my feelings and my dreams. For God sakes, I was barely a preteen girl the first time I told him I was in love with him. Any other boy probably would have made fun of me then run away. Not Travis, no instead of embarrassing me, he hugged me and kissed the top of my head then said I was adorable.

I didn’t just want to be in his bed. I wanted that friendship back. I wanted him to come to me and find comfort when his heart was breaking. I wanted him to hold my hand and encourage me to always do my best. I wanted to experience all of his adventures and laugh with him late into the night. I wanted to see his messy hair in the mornings and spend relaxing evenings curled up on the couch in front of the television. I also wanted to see him in action. Be there as he commanded missions and learn how that mind of his worked. I wanted all of him, from his crooked pinky toes to that funny looking birth mark on his shoulder. I just hoped I was enough for him, because I couldn’t give him more than the woman I already was.

Toxic Hope

Travis

I woke before my alarm. The dim light cascading in through the window gave me a glimpse of the cold but sunny day that was approaching. It was similar to how I was feeling as I woke up alone in my bed. My sunshine, my own personal light, was in her bed alone just under a mile away. Her light was dim because she was close enough for me to feel her warmth, but not close enough to touch it.

As the sun slowly grew brighter, I laid on my back with my hands behind my head. Memories of yesterday played through my mind as I smiled, feeling rested and allowing hope to grow inside me. Hope was something I never really lost. I always hoped my parents would wake up from their nightmares, but when I lost that hope a new one grew. I hoped my incarceration would lead to the help I needed. Then I hoped I did well in my career. I had faith and hope when we built Creed’s Lake, and now I hoped I wasn’t reading Wrenly wrong.

She lived in every single cell in my body, and that something I realized as we spent the day together. She was never just my childhood friend. She built the foundation that allowed me to become the man I am today. Every accomplishment I ever made was because of the things she taught me without evenrealizing it. She taught me unconditional love, which of course wasn’t taught by my parents. She taught me so many things, but she also planted a tiny seed in me. One that helped guide all my decisions in life. I couldn’t count how many times I was making strides by asking myself if it was something that would make Wrenly proud. At each milestone, she was always there, like a spirit that was guiding me. When a friend needed advice, I always thought hard about what Wrenly would say.

Wrenly knew hell at a very young age. She came out of that hell with problems of her own, but they never stopped her from being the best friend ever created. She always tried to find the positive in things, but with me it came down to one thing. She loved me, no matter what I did, or how much older we grew, she always loved me. My parents might not have wanted me, but Wrenly always did, and I knew she made me her entire world. I pushed her away because she deserved someone that was normal. Not a kid that refused to see the brighter side of things. Not one that couldn’t understand his own behavior and why I did the things I did.

That was no longer the case. I know I grew up to be a good man, at least most of the time. I still had a dark side, but I used that dark side to the advantage of a greater good. I wasn’t trying to play God when I made the choice to take a life, I was always trying to right a wrong. I took lives on American soil. Lives that threatened the wellbeing of innocent people. I was no different than the rest of the Originals. We worked outside the law when we weren’t given a better option, like when the law protected evil instead of the innocent. When there was no other way to stop evil. I was probably one of the few that believed some people were born evil. I didn’t think it was necessarily the environment around them that caused someone to grow up to be cruel. Sure, it could have been a contributing factor, but not theentire reason. Everyone was born with a little darkness inside them. It was their choice if they wanted to use that darkness to hurt others.

Since starting Creed’s Lake, I’ve murdered four men and one woman right here in my own country. They were all American citizens and one of them even served. It all started seven years ago. It was time for me to face the one thing that ruined the lives of my family. It wasn’t by choice, I had to face it because it found me. I never had the desire to search for Bobby. I thought I knew what happened to him, and so did everyone else, but nobody wanted to admit it. We might have thought he was targeted by a sexually demented psychopath and killed, but hope can be a very powerful thing. Powerful enough to either destroy a life or make a life more bearable to live. It can also tap into someone’s darkness and make choosing between right and wrong a very hard decision.

Creed started building the community while the rest of us were fulfilling our obligations to the Army. During that time, he lived with the Fallen Angels. We served with the President’s son and Creed wanted to learn about Club life. It was also to find a bridge for our future undercover operatives to enter the underworld. He was initiated and had to commit a crime to give the Fallen Angels something to hang over his head if he ever threatened to turn over evidence against them. I arrived three months later and did the same. I killed a pedophile, one that got off on a technicality and blew my mind when I learned he was permitted to live within a mile of an elementary school. I couldn’t have done what I did if I didn’t see the proof of his sins for myself.

The Fallen Angels might have lived rough lives, but they got out of drugs and illegal firearms years ago. They were no longer involved with the Mexican Cartel. Instead, they survivethrough other means, like racketeering. Their profits come from fraud, extortion, prostitution, blackmail and bribery. They owned strip clubs, provided certain services to some even more dangerous crime syndicates, and just about everything but drugs and firearms. At the time they were very powerful, but in the last few years things changed. The president is growing older and doesn’t have the bloodlust he once had, and the club is slowly fading away.

The man I chose as my target was someone that crossed a certain family of crime. He was a target the Fallen Angels were hired to eliminate. For a week I worked with their enforcer and gathered intelligence. I hacked into the man’s computer and not only found child pornography, he was talking to kids online. There was a girl that had been missing for years, and we were able to link him to her disappearance. Someone was using our legal system to protect him, and I knew he would never be stopped by the law. While I was hacked into his computer, I saw Bobby in one of those photos. I knew it was him, his picture was constantly shown to me as a child. In fact, it was everywhere I went, from billboards to flyers hanging in local stores. His story was told on television and in documentaries.

The enforcer and I paid a little visit to the man in the middle of the night, tied him up in his basement, and for three days tortured information out of him before I killed him. The information we pulled from him led me to a man in Kansas. His name was Roger Black, and he was not only the man that uploaded Bobby's photo, but the brother of the man I tortured for days. Creed and I loaded up our bikes and took a trip to Kansas. Roger was a little tougher than his brother, being that he was once a fucking Marine and a disgrace to all veterans. It took a week of torturing him in a fucking barn in the middle of nowhere, but finally we got what we needed. That informationled us to a couple that lived in Washington State. They lived in a middle class neighborhood and looked like the typical American couple with a nice house and white picket fence. Unfortunately, they were all but typical, and the lives they were living were fake. They changed their names and decided to start their lives all over again, hoping they could escape their pasts. It seemed Matias and Ines Alfaro were both born in New Mexico and spent their childhoods bouncing around from one foster home to another in the late 1980’s. The sick part was, they weren’t husband and wife like they portrayed, they were siblings that lived as a couple in every aspect. They were separated in the system, but Matias escaped and became a runaway at age fourteen, found his sister, and they took off together for Texas. Matias joined a gang, made his sister his girlfriend in everyone else’s eyes, and never told a soul they were siblings. Matias was dangerous, bloodthirsty, and sick in the head. Their gang was called the Iron Snakes. Fucking stupid name. Matias grew in rank and as he gained more power in the gang world, his territory grew. They weren’t just dabbling in drugs and firearms anymore, he got his hands into a lot more. He became one of the most powerful allies the cartel had in the states, and the initiations he put young lost kids through were disgusting. Both Matias and Ines had disgusting sexual desires, and they got into human and sex trafficking.

The cartel would promise young non-American girls and boys safe lives in the states if they crossed the border illegally with drugs and firearms. Those kids would make their way to Matias and Ines, who the cartel promised would help them, but eventually those kids were pretty much indentured to the Iron Snakes. So many men and women lived out their days praying for the freedom they were promised by the cartel. Most were sexually abused, forced into prostitution, and eventuallywhen they were no longer appealing they had to work for food and shelter. Most never saw the freedoms they were promised. Anyone that says slavery is over in this country is naïve.

The Iron Snakes grew in size and territory through the 1980’s and 1990’s. Matias eventually took Ines to live near Tulsa. They owned a ranch and looked to be a normal upper class couple. He ran the gangs from Oklahoma, taking Ines away from the violence in Texas. They owned a few small businesses, but the gang is what made his money. They thought they had it all, but Ines couldn’t have children. As disgusting as it was, she actually wanted to be pregnant by her full biological brother.

It took three weeks of the cruelest kind of torture for Matias to finally break and tell me everything. He said Ines made a friend that just happened to live in my hometown. While she was out, she spotted my mother, who was pregnant with me at the time. She begged Matias to make her dreams happen by not only taking Bobby, but me as well. Matias always wanted to give Ines everything she ever wanted, so he took a trip into the town I grew up in and spotted Bobby with my mother. I vomited when he said that one look at Bobby and he knew he had to have him, for himself, not Ines. He even went as far as to say it was love at first sight. He began obsessing over Bobby, waiting for the perfect opportunity to take him. He watched and waited. He never did the actual dirty jobs himself. He always used initiations for kids who wanted to join the gang to do his dirty work. Ines was getting frustrated. She didn’t just want to kidnap us, she wanted to be there when I was born. Meaning she wanted to cut me out of my mother. She jumped the gun when I was born safely in a hospital and Matias still hadn’t fulfilled his promise to her. She eventually went behind Matias’s back and gave the order to a fucking kid. The kid accepted his initiation task, listened to the instructions, then made the trip to our town.My mom visited that grocery store the same day every week, and Ines was having her watched. She gave very clear instructions for the boy to abduct all three of us. She wanted my mother to suffer for getting what she always wanted. Unfortunately for Ines, her plan fell through. There was more than one boy that day in the store. It was his initiation, and he was driven there by some older boys. When they arrived, they were horse playing and the boy was pushed to the ground, where he skinned his knee. He ignored the knee and walked into the store where my mother stopped him and showed him kindness. She even put a fucking band aid from her purse on his knee and asked him if he was okay, if his parents were around and if he needed help. That part fucked with my head and also confirmed the story. My mom spoke of the boy every single time she told her story. She went through every event of that day over and over again, but the boy was never identified.

The original plan was to follow my mom home and abduct us, but mom fucked up their plan by showing kindness. Instead, the boy grabbed Bobby as soon as he saw the chance and ran out of the store. He hoped that just getting Bobby would be enough to satisfy the gang.

Matias knew he was going to die, he didn’t have anything else to lose. He was bleeding out, but we would stop the bleeding long enough to torture him more and he would beg us to kill him. Ines was another story. She was stubborn, sick in the head, and didn’t give a fuck about anything. She died slowly, and didn’t even ask for a quick death. Matias on the other hand kept professing his love for Bobby. I had to step out of the room when he told Creed all about his love for my brother. Eventually, he gave Creed the name of the boy, and told us where Bobby ended up. For four years Ines lived with the jealousy she felt toward Bobby. Matias might have done unspeakable things, but Ines felthe became spoiled because Matias gave him everything. He was trying to buy his love, the sickest kind of love. Ines eventually sent Bobby away when Matias was making his monthly visit to the gangs he controlled throughout New Mexico and Texas. For the first four fucking years my parents were looking for Bobby, he was an hour away. Growing up inside a mansion, but never permitted to step outside. My brother’s life was ended when he was seven years old. Ines gave the order, she sent him away with one of the men that was once a boy and given false promises of a life of freedom, then sold Bobby’s photos to the man in Kansas to hurt Matias. The man that took Bobby's life was told to take Bobby to the ocean, kill him, and let the fish have him. Then she told him she never wanted to see him again and granted his freedom. He sent her the video confirming the kill and dropped off the face of the earth.

The boy that took Bobby from the grocery store was beaten to an inch of his life and later joined an MC in Louisiana. Creed and I took a trip to Louisiana and found that boy, but I couldn’t say I regretted his death. Even though he showed my mother mercy and also saved my life, he grew into a very bad man. Matias eventually double crossed the Cartel, the Iron Snakes disbanded, and the couple went into hiding.

I took all five of those lives and my mother will go to her grave never knowing what happened to Bobby. Telling her would mean prison or maybe death for myself and Creed, but at least one of us knows what happened to him. Matias, the sickest bastard, not only kept the pictures of Bobby, but Ines also gave him the video to torture him for not giving her what she wanted. I was shown that video, but couldn’t watch and Creed had to do it for me so I would have the confirmation that Bobby was really gone. Matias didn’t abduct Bobby initially because he loved the hunt. He got off on waiting and watching, obsessing about notonly Bobby, but witnessing the love my mother had for her sons. My mom and I were lucky, because Matias wasn’t just obsessed with Bobby anymore. There were pictures of me and mom in that fuckers things. He watched me from the time I was born until Ines sent Bobby away and they left Oklahoma to live in Texas. The reason we were lucky is because Matias never made his move. Mom always had us in the spotlight, so touching either of us would have been too risky.

That might be one of my biggest secrets, but Creed lives with more than I could ever imagine. Not only did he help solve Bobby’s case and stand back to let me serve justice, he helped a few others as well. None of those people would ever face the justice system. They would have went on and hurt countless people. The American citizens might think the judicial system is corrupt, and it is in some places, but in others it ties the hands of law enforcement. It makes it impossible for the good people behind the badge to protect their citizens. We are respected, called upon on many occasions to take care of things that could only be done outside the law with certain officials turning a blind eye to what we have to do. I just hope Wrenly can handle the job, and sacrifice part of her soul. I didn’t like it for her, but she made her choices. She knew what it was to take a life, she had already done it. Creed made it clear what we did, and who we did it for. She also knows we sometimes protect the bad guys, with the Fallen Angels being a prime example. We weren’t best friends with them, and we wouldn’t protect them if they got into the things we fought against, but we had an understanding with them and the Devil’s Rejects. We won’t get in their way, and they won’t get into ours. At times they might do us small favors, and we will do some in return. Things like pulling intelligence about their targets, targets meaning the people very dangerous families hire them to eliminate. If there’s one thing the mafiahates, it’s a fucking child molester and they don’t have time to deal with that shit themselves.

Last night, Wrenly made my house feel like a home. She made a few confessions, and I was willing to do the same. I would never tell her about Bobby, but I would tell her everything else. I knew she didn’t tell me everything she wanted to tell me yet, but I think she got close to it. I learned a long time ago not to push. I had to be patient and wait for the other person to be ready. A lot of people had painful experiences in their pasts when they arrived at Creed’s Lake. Some things they never share, and that’s okay, but I got the feeling Wrenly wants to tell me something, but she’s not ready. That’s fine and I wouldn’t want her to talk about it before she was ready.

My alarm went off, ending the hour of relaxation I woke up to so early. I had hope in my heart when I turned off that alarm and again when I took my shower. The previous day just might have been the best day of my life so far. She loved the chicken parmesan and the salad. We had a few drinks then walked down to the lake. Our lingering hugs were the highlight of the night, but also the hardest. I never wanted a woman so bad in my life. On and off all day, she looked at me in a way that made me so damn hard I was in pain, until I finally got a shower and could relieve the misery she caused. If she knew the thoughts going through my mind all day, she probably would have knocked me out. As she would talk and tell stories, I’d completely zone out and daydream about those lips wrapping around my cock. My mind conjured up so many dirty thoughts that it almost creeped me out, wondering if that was how Drakos walked around thinking all day when he saw a woman.

At one point, I noticed goosebumps on her skin when I touched her. That caused my mind to envision her bare breasts, with goosebumps on them and erect pink nipples so hard I couldcut glass with them. Her lips would part, and I’d imagine what her moans would sound like. Those pretty lips have said my name thousands of times, but what would it sound like when she cried my name out in pleasure? I was so hard all day with no relief in sight, that even after beating myself off, my cock was still as sore as hell today. I had never been so attracted to someone that the desire became almost debilitating.

I dealt with some dysfunction for years, ever since Bolton was raped. Suddenly, I have Wrenly near me, and I have the opposite problem. In order to have sex over the last few years, I had to convince myself I was doing right by the woman. Not even a hot little number that tore my clothes off and lusted for me would get me hard. Even if she begged for it, my fucking cock wanted nothing to do with her. I was ashamed as hell about it, and it wasn’t always reliable for the women I was in a relationship with for periods of time. I was a failure when it came to sex, and it was frustrating as hell. It was the trauma of finding Bolton the way that I did that killed it for me. I would get hard for a woman then the ghost of that day would present itself and I’d have a flashback. All the blood that made me hard would retreat, ending things very quickly. I went to a therapist, took Viagra, worked through the trauma, but it was always fucked up. Then Wrenly comes along, and I have a constant fucking hard on and those traumatic memories are so far away they don’t exist. I haven’t had good sex since before that mission. Even the times I did succeed it sucked because I spent the whole time mentally begging and pleading my dick to stay hard.

I thought about how it would feel if I ever saw Wrenly again, but not once did I ever suspect the almost debilitating sexual attraction. I expected the emotional attraction, the love, and the affection, but definitely not a constant hard on around her.

For a long time, I knew what I needed, and I was nowhere near finding it. I need to take a woman I loved to bed. One that wants to share my dreams, one that is able to know my secrets, understand why I have them, and accept me for the man I am. I need what Creed has with Morgan. I’ve known that for years, but now I know that I could only have that with one person. She was one of the people I had to leave behind because I couldn’t face the pity in her eyes again. I did not see that one time yesterday.

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