Page 28 of Incipient

My heart gave a half-thump in my chest like it had forgotten how to beat as an overbearing sadness pressed down over me. I had no idea why I was reacting this way when this was exactly what I’d wanted from him. Well, not wanted per se, but needed. For his own well-being and protection.

Thishad been the plan all along.

I’d asked for this andprayedfor it and yet now that he was pulling away from me, I could barely remember how to cope with the loss of him even though I had done it for months. Losing him—surviving him should have been something I was an expert in by now. Besides, this wasn’t about me. This was about him. About protecting him, and I needed to remember that before I lost him for real again.

Realizing how off course I’d gotten, I pushed my shoulders back and picked up my chin, forcing myself to remember the game plan. This was what was best for him. No matter how much it hurt to watch him pull away. “You’re right.”

His jaw hardened.

“I think it’s probably best to put some space between us.”

Trace looked back at me for a moment, his lips slightly downturned in a frown as he gave his head a slow disappointed shake. “Sure, Jemma. Whatever you say.”

And with that, he turned away from me and walked off toward the school entrance, leaving me alone with his disappointment and parting words. And I couldn’t even blame him. Looking back on how I’d been treating him these last few weeks, I probably deserved much worse than that.

12. ROLLING IN THE DEEP

As if going to school while The Four—scratch that—TheTwoHorsemen of The Apocalypse were in town wasn’t weird enough, I now had to do it with me and Trace not speaking to each other. And on top of that, we shared homeroom. The only thing that could have made my morning any worse was seeing Nikki and her unborn spawn of Lucifer galloping gayly through the hallways.

Lucky for me, she didn’t appear to be in school today, which meant I’d have one less lump of ass-pain to deal with.

“We need to talk,” chirped a familiar voice from somewhere over my shoulder.

I turned and found Morgan staring at me, arms crossed over her chest with her curly red hair pulled back into a ponytail. She wasn’t wearing her usual pound of makeup, but her signature irritated frown was still firmly in place.

“Wedon’t need to do anything,” I corrected as I turned back to my locker and continued fishing my books out. It had been so long since I used one of my textbooks, I was half expecting to find cobwebs on them.

“This is serious business, Jemma. It’s aboutNikki.”

My back stiffened at the mention of her name. I hated that she had that effect on me.

“Thought so. Meet me outside the Quad at lunch, and don’t be late,” she ordered and then stalked off down the hall toward Carly who was deep in conversation with a small group of cheerleaders—or Ice Girls as they preferred to be called.

With my heart wedged somewhere between my throat and chest, I took my time getting the rest of my stuff out of my locker in the hope that Trace would make an appearance and we could hopefully squash some of the uncomfortableness before class, but he never ended up showing up at his locker.

Either he was avoiding me completely, or he’d already made his way to class without me.

I’d barely managed to simmer my heart down by the time I made it to homeroom only to have it sink to the floor when I realized Trace wasn’t in class either. Was he so upset with me that he decided to skip homeroom altogether? Damn. If I felt bad before, I was feeling like an utter piece of dog shit now. And could I really blame the guy?

All I’d done for the last few weeks was push and pull him like he was the rope in some demented tug of war game. What did I expect him to feel? It was a miracle that he’d put up with it for as long as he had.

But still, I hadn’t meant to hurt him.

I hadn’t meant to play hot and cold with him.

I wastryingto do what was right for him—to stay close and keep an eye on him—all while fighting my very present and complicated feelings for him. Feelings I couldn’t admit to no matter how bad I wanted to scream out that I still loved him. I knew I couldn’t make the slightest move on that front until I was absolutely sure he would be safe.

But what if that never happened? What if I never got that guarantee?

What then?

My unfinished business with Trace lingered over me for most of the day. It was only when I’d spotted him after recess chatting privately with Caleb that the sinking feeling in my stomach finally let up. At least he hadn’t blown off thewholeday—just his class with me. Again, that wassomething.

Unfortunately, my relief was short-lived when I noticed how tense the conversation between Caleb and Trace appeared to be. I couldn’t glean anything from where I was standing, but their hushed voices and creased foreheads spoke volumes. Whatever they were talking about, it was serious, and I had every intention of getting the full scoop.

As soon as they were done, I watched them fist bump and then waited patiently for Trace to turn the corner before closing in on Caleb at the water fountain.

“What’s up, Blackburn?” he greeted me and then leaned down to take a drink as I stood in front of him with my arms folded rigidly across my chest.

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