Page 9 of Infernal

“I can handle it,” I said, knowing full well what my consequences were.

“The longer you reject it, the more painful it’s going to be for you.”

I lowered my head into my hands. “I know that.”

“I don’t think that you do, Jemma.”

I met his eyes again, startled by the force of his words. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t been warned before, but somehow, hearing it from Gabriel made the reality that much scarier to face.

“Well, what would you have me do instead, Gabriel? The more I give in to him, the more I want him.” My confession appeared to surprise him, but not as much as it surprised me.

“I’m not sure,” he said, his gaze veering away from me and then returning with determination. “But you can’t just avoid it. My brother was right about one thing. No good will come of it, and with everything that’s going on, we can’t afford to have you at half strength.”

“Are you telling me you want me to go full blood-whore on him?” I leered at him skeptically.

His cheeks darkened when he answered, “Of course not.” He pushed his hands through his hair as he considered it. “But you will need to be on some kind of regimen,” he decided. “Small doses at regular intervals should keep your body optimal and the withdrawals at bay.”

My face twisted as his words. “You’re making it sound like I’m an addict.”

“Give it a few more days.”

His words knocked the air out of my lungs.

Regret immediately skewed his features. “I shouldn’t have said that. I apologize.”

“Don’t. It’s fine.” I forced my chin back up and digested his words, no matter how sour they tasted. “I never let the truth break me before, and I’m not about to start now.” As awful as it was, as difficult to swallow as it might be, knowing was always better than not knowing.

At least it was to me.

“I hate him for doing this to you.” His voice was low, but it still packed a meaningful punch.

“I wish I could hate him too,” I muttered, mostly to myself. But the truth was, I didn’t hate Dominic.

Not even at all.

3. PULL ME UNDER

The rain fell in sheets outside my window as I climbed into the guest bed and pulled the comforter up to my chin. Gabriel had forced—insistedthat I get some rest and give my body a chance to heal, and while it was becoming a chore to keep my eyes open, it still felt wrong being in a warm bed while Trace was still out there.

Granted, there wasn’t anything I could do for him until we knew exactly what we were up against, but it still didn’t make it any easier for me to accept the waiting game we were now stuck in.

Turning onto my stomach, I tried to calm my mind enough to sleep, but every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was tormenting images of Trace’s hollow eyes staring out at the lake. I’d never seen his eyes look so lifeless, so void of all the light he carried like a second skin. It shook me to my very core.

I kicked the sheets off my legs and turned again, and then again. My body was restless, and my skin felt as though something were crawling just below the surface of it. I couldn’t stop my mind from running rampant over the future, over what remained of it. There were so many unanswered questions, so many horrible ways this thing could play out, and once again, I was completely in the dark. Was Trace still alive? Would I be able to find a way to get him back? And worse, what if I couldn’t…

What then?

The thought sent a whole new level of anxiety through my body. One I couldn’t stomach to save my life. I tried to think of other things, easier things, but nothing seemed to stick. No matter how hard I tried, my mind raced back to the catastrophe unfolding within my life. And his eyes—those haunting eyes.

Flopping onto my back again, I stared out at the wall across from my bed. I could hear movement in the next room—Dominic’s room—and while he was close enough that I could hear him, he wasn’t close enough to make me feel any better.

The longer I allowed myself to think about him, the more the bond summoned me, begging me for reprieve from the one person that could quiet the ache. Of course, I refused to give into it, but it only made falling asleep that much harder.

I turned over in the dark and searched the night table for my phone.

4:32 A.M.

Realizing I wasn’t going to be getting a lick of shut-eye anytime soon, I climbed out of bed and decided I needed to put something in my empty stomach. Maybe that was the reason I couldn’t fall asleep.

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