Page 67 of Infernal

The painful look in his eyes intensified at my words, though I wasn’t sure why.

He slowly peeled his eyes away from Dominic and finally met my gaze. “What did you need to talk to me about?” he asked, his voice low and hollow.

I hated that I’d just done this to him, that I’d just caused him all this pain.

It’s for a good reason, I reminded myself and then remembered that I had to talk to him.

“We have a plan. Is it safe to talk here?” I asked and looked over my shoulder, half expecting Lucifer to drop into my nightmare and really make this the world’s absolute worst dream.

“For now.” He nodded. “I don’t have much time, though.”

“We’re going after the Roderick sisters tomorrow. If anyone knows how to get Lucifer out of your body, it’s them.”

He squeezed his eyes shut. “Jemma—”

“I just need you to hold on a little longer, okay?” I said and slipped my arms around his waist, wanting to feel his warmth again. “I wish this never happened to you, Trace, but I swear to God, I’m going to make it right. We’re going to bring you home. I promise.”

“Jemma, I’m not coming home,” he said and gently pushed my arms down.

My bottom lip sagged, though words never made it passed my lips. I couldn’t fathom why he would say that, and the truth was, it stunned me silent. Had he already given up? Did he notwantto come home?

“I don’t understand,” I said as hurt and confusion soaked into my voice.

His eyes veered back to Dominic, though he wasn’t looking at him as much as he was looking through him as though lost in some distant memory only he could see. An icy chill scratched its way down my back as he turned back to me.

“I need you to listen to me,” he said as he picked up my chin. His eyes were a storm of pain and loss and regret, and the more I looked into them, the more I wanted to cry.

“I want you to move on with your life and forget about me. If that means being with Dominic, then so be it,” he said speedily without looking away from me. “I know he loves you, and I know he’d protect you with his life if you needed it. Right now, that’s the only thing that giving me any kind of relief—”

“What?! Stop it!” I said and shoved his hand down. “Why are you saying this to me?”

He lowered his head as moisture filled his eyes. “I need to know you’ll be taken care of and that you’ll be happy—”

“Iwillbe happy—with you! Just like we promised each other.”

He started to shake his head.

“Why are you doing this? Why are you giving up already? Is it because you think I can’t do this? Because I can. I swear to God, Trace, I won’t stop until I find a way.”

“Dammit, Jemma. Don’t you get it? Thereisn’ta way!”

His words slapped the air out of my lungs as the walls around us shook, flickering in and out of existence.

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do.” He pushed his hands through his hair as his body momentarily faded out like a lambent light trying to hold on. “I’m as much a part of Lucifer as he is me. I know his thoughts. I know what he has planned, and I know there isn’t a way to separate him from this vessel. Not without killing both of us, and I’ve already accepted that.”

Tears were dripping down my cheeks faster than I could wipe them away.

“The Order knows how to kill him. You have to listen to them, Jemma. It’s the only way to stop him.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head, because I knew exactly what that meant. It meant killing him.

Something I already knew I could never, ever do.

“You can’t ask that of me, Trace. You can’t.”

He reached out pulled me into his arms. “I love you, Jemma. I’ll always love you, but you have to let me go.”

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