Page 76 of To Have and To Hold

My fingers didn’t loosen as I listened to Horace share what details he could share about the war. Tonight, there will be a significant clandestine operation against Volkov. With each word, I told myself to breathe. I concentrated on the air entering and exiting my lungs. This information wouldn’t send me into shock. I was past that reaction.

My brain understood my pep talk, but my body was on the verge of another breakdown. The room cooled and at times Horace spoke in slow motion as if his words were distorted.

He spoke of a dangerous life-or-death operation. For me to feel Em’s touch again, his lips on mine, or see his smile, I had to hope for the death of a man I never met. One whose name was a mystery to me a few weeks ago—Volkov.

I reached for my bottle of water and took a sip, trying to fight the sudden dryness. “Will Em be safe?”

“There are no guarantees.El Patr?nmade him a lieutenant. That means he has faith in him.”

I started thinking of others, like Em’s cousin Nick and evenel Patr?nhimself. “Could they be killed?”

“Our lives are in danger every day.”

Was this the life I wanted to live?

Did Mafia wives have the same stifling worry?

Horace went on, “It’s not always guns and wars. Danger comes in all forms. Tripping and falling, a traffic accident, a plane crash.”

Letting go of the arms of the chair, I sat forward and rubbed my temples. “I don’t worry about losing people I care about in a fall.”

He nodded. “Doing so would make it impossible to live.”

I looked up. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that the lieutenant wanted you to know, not so you will worry but so that you will understand if he can’t reach out to you for a while. I won’t lie. Tonight’s operation is dangerous. Honestly, every day in the life of the cartel carries danger. That’s why I’m staying here with you, Miss Izzy, until we get the all clear.”

“We have to stay here? Surely, it’s safe at Mia’s.”

“Sí. You and Señora Ruiz will stay here. We can’t risk the drive.”

SeñoraRuiz—Liliana.

“It’s only twenty or thirty minutes.”

“Miss, Lieutenant Ruiz knows you’re here, safe and secure. Do you want him to worry about you on the streets of San Diego or to concentrate on his mission?”

Nodding, my stomach twisted. “His mission. Liliana knows what you’re telling me?”

Horace nodded. “El patr?nwants Wanderland to function as usual tonight. No deviations that could set off suspicions.”

“We can’t tell them about the escalation in the war so they’ll be prepared?”

Horace shook his head. “You may not.”

The temperature around me rose. “Being uninformed and vulnerable. That could be dangerous for the tenants.”

“There will be extra protection.”

Names and faces flashed like a slide show through my mind. “Maybe it would be better to close it for the night. I don’t know, maybe we make up a story. We could say there’s a problem with the air conditioning.”

Horace shook his head. “Lieutenant Ruiz recommended that.El Patr?nmade the decisions.”

Em had thought of that.

He’s a good man.

I tugged on my lip with my teeth.“El Patr?ncould be making the wrong decision, and it could cost these women their lives.”

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