Page 145 of Immortal Sun

“Exactly.”

“Shouldn’t you at least try to lie to me and make me feel better?”

I love her strength. Any other human would be on the bed crying. Instead, she’s asking for compliments.

I crack a smile. “Do you want me to tell you that you’re interesting? Intelligent? Beautiful? Different? That in a cave full of thousands upon thousands of names, yours will always stand out to me?”

Tears well in her eyes. She sniffles and looks away. “It would be nice to hear all of those things, yes.”

“I would find you on the beach, your specific grain of sand would be full of all the colors of the universe. I would find you every time.” I press my forehead to hers. “Now swim.”

Cleo’s eyes meet mine, I smell the sea, I pull her down into the depths of that sea. My mouth fuses to hers, the bond becoming tighter the deeper we go in my mind’s eye.

I want to take her on one last journey, I want her to inhale the salty water and know that her sacrifice is worth it for all the souls still stuck in purgatory.

She’s not as afraid this time. I allow the souls to float by us. They can’t see us, but she can see them, all of them clambering to the surface, desperately trying to be free.

Does she see?

Does she know how difficult this trial has been for me?

Does she know how selfish I wish I could be when I taste her? When I’ve had her?

It doesn’t work this way; it never has. Her brother will live—she will descend, he will ascend, it’s how it’s always been because she’s the one that has the power of Chaos inside her. He does not.

They are twins; one has to go, one is the last, and it is her, she was the one chosen.

I pull her through the water until it’s nearly impossible to see anything. We can only feel each other’s mouths. I reach into the darkest corner of the sea and grab a small seashell, plucking it from the water.

Cleo pulls away from me briefly, I snap my fingers and we’re back in the cave, her chest is heaving, gorgeous blue skin shimmers from her dive into my sea.

I grab her hand and press the seashell into her palm. “A gift.”

“It’s blue.” She smiles down at the small insignificant shell. “I like it.”

“You’ll be reborn with it, think of it as a token that you’ll never be sacrificed again. It’s a shell of protection. No god can hurt you as long as you have it.” I lean down and press a kiss to each corner of her mouth, then gently grab her by the hips and set her on the bed. I give her my back and start to walk away.

It’s the end for us.

For me.

To take any more from her…

To feel her, would destroy both of us. I’ve often wondered why I took an oath of celibacy with the other creators, and now I know.

Sexual intimacy makes you falter. It makes you want what you should never be tempted with. It’s one thing to share a kiss, to seduce, to touch. It’s quite another…

…To join.

I feel her in my thoughts. Her pain. Her fear. Her joy at seeing me. And I want to comfort her, but all I see are the souls around the world needing just as much comfort from their pain, and the impending doom of the balance between me and Apep.

I cannot let him gain a foothold, and I cannot lose the control I barely grasp at this moment.

Small arms suddenly wrap around my middle. “Thank you.”

I hang my head, my body completely wrecked. “You shouldn’t thank your murderer, Cleo.”

“I’m not thanking Ra right now, I’m thanking you.”

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