Page 103 of I Knew You Were Trouble

A two-hour flight goes fast when you and your travel companion are swapping embarrassing stories from your childhood to avoid the elephant in the room – well, aeroplane. Namely that our timing is terrible and it’s probably ill-advised to be embarking on whatever this is. And ‘ill-advised’ is the best-case scenario.

Still, it’s been entertaining hearing about his childhood antics –andAdriana’s – especially the story he’s telling right now from when he was thirteen.

‘Our parents aren’t prudes – they’re typically Dutch, very progressive,’ he says, ‘but my mother…’ He shakes his head, his eyes comically wide. ‘I would have been inbigtrouble if she’d foundPlayboyin my room.’

‘But that was Daan.Hebrought it over. It wasn’t your fault.’

‘I doubt she would have cared about that distinction, so I hid it under my bed, then we went to make some food – sandwiches or something – and I forgot about it.’

I give him an I-don’t-believe-you look.

‘I promise. I forgot all about it.’

‘Hmm, okay. So, what, your mum found it?’

‘Oh no.Muchworse than that.’

‘What’s worse than that?’ I ask with a laugh.

‘Well, that night, my parents went out and I stayed with Ady to look after her.’

‘You were babysitting.’

‘Right. And she was playing in her bedroom, and I was watching TV or something… Anyway, when my parents came home, they found Ady in her room, cutting out pictures of the “pretty ladies” from the magazine and making a collage.’

‘Oh my god!’ I exclaim loudly, irking the woman across the aisle. She glares at me, and I apologise. She tuts and resumes her crossword with a shake of her head.

‘So, what did they do? Your parents?’ I ask in a hushed tone.

‘My mother calmly calls me into Ady’s room to admire this “artwork” – and I am standing there, my mouth open, feeling…’ He seems to search for the right word.

‘Mortified? Horrified? Wanting the ground to open up and swallow you whole?’

‘Yes,’ he replies with a chuckle. ‘Exactly like that.’

‘Then what happened?’

‘Then we leave Ady to finish her collage.’

‘No.Really?’

‘Really, and then my mother tells me that it’s normal to be curious about these things.’

‘Oh, interesting.’

‘Yes, and I think, “Okay. I’m not in trouble. My mother is fine with this.”’

‘I sense a “but” coming.’

‘You sense correctly.Thenshe says that if I ever bring this type of thing into the house again – before I am an adult – she will send that collage to my grandparents and tell them what I did.’

‘Oh, wowser, that’s genius,’ I say with an appreciative grin.

‘It was convincing, and I never let something like that happen again.’

‘ButDaan… It washisfault and you were the one who was punished.’

‘Oh, no. His father found out he’d taken it and when he couldn’t give it back, because Ady had destroyed it, Daan had, er… we sayhuisarrest. Except for school, he had to stay home for two weeks.’

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