Page 45 of I Knew You Were Trouble

He sighs.

‘But I need it. I know that now. And it seems like Adriana does too.’

‘But she?—’

‘No,’ I say with a shake of my head, and he stops talking. ‘I understand you being protective, but Adriana needsyouon her side as well.’

‘Iam.’

‘You are – but not about this. Please give it some thought, all right? It’ll be easier on Adriana if you support her on this.’

‘Okay. I’ll think about it.’

Now that I’ve said my piece, my libido pops its head up again, and my eyes land on Willem’s lips. I justknowhe’d be a good kisser. Jon’s kisses were always on the chaste side. He never kissed me passionately.

‘We should go,’ says Willem and, once again, I’m back in the present, embarrassed by my errant thoughts and mentally giving myself a slap.

I have a lot to deal with before I should evenentertainthoughts of this nature, let alone act on them. Part of me is looking forward to returning to London, where I’ll go back to being Sensible Kate.

The other part wishes I could climb into bed with Willem and let him do whatever he wants to me for as long as he likes.

The ride home is less harrowing than the ride into the city – although, I’d be okay with never having to ride a bike around Amsterdam again. I park mine in front of the houseboat next to its twin and turn towards Willem.

If thiswerea date – a successful one – we’d be coming together for a goodnight kiss. But despite our candour and the shared laughter – and the moments of frisson between us – this isnota date.

This is simply two people with a vested interest in the same outcome – that Adriana and I extricate ourselves from our engagements and come out reasonably unscathed.

If only I could stop staring at his mouth.

‘Well, goodnight,’ he says.

And before I know what’s happening, he smacks a kiss on my cheek, climbs back onto his bike, and cycles away.

I stare after him for a while, the spot where his lips met my cheek tingling. This isn’t France, or Spain, or Italy where cheek kisses are de rigueur. A handshake would have been a perfectly acceptable way to say goodnight. So why the kiss, abrupt as it was? Did it mean something more than a friendly farewell? And should I mention it to Margot?

I only realise when he turns the corner that we didn’t make plans to meet tomorrow. We also didn’t say if or when we’d speak again.

Maybe that’s a good thing, I tell myself as I fish the keys out of my handbag and go inside.

* * *

Monday morning, back in London, I’m like a Mylar balloon that’s lost its helium.

I didn’t stay in Amsterdam an extra day, as there was no point – Margot has work today, Adriana is teaching, and Willem went to Bruges yesterday afternoon to meet with a client – so I returned to London with Margot as planned.

When we got to St Pancras, we parted ways with a tight hug and me promising to keep her up to date. I’m not expected at the office today – rather, I’m forbidden from showing up – so I’ve arranged to meet Poppy at the Ever After Agency.

But even the hope that the agency can help isn’t enough to make a dent in my gloomy state. Because I wish I was across the Channel, staying on a houseboat in a quiet neighbourhood of Amsterdam with plans to see Willem.

‘Oh, Kate, you muppet,’ I mutter to myself, throwing an arm over my face.

It can’t be healthy fixating on the tall Dutchman. It’s obvious I’m only doing that because it’s easier than dealing with the fallout from Jon’s actions.

Poppy once told me she was a psychologist before she was a matchmaker. I wonder if she can help me make sense of all this. I could ask her if it’s normal in a situation like mine to transfer romantic feelings from one person to another.

Normal – hah! Nothing about this situation is normal. And there’s a massive difference between what I once felt for Jon and what I now feel for Willem.

I’ve never wanted Jon to lay me down on a bed, pin my arms above my head one-handed, and crush his mouth to mine while his other hand slides between my legs and?—

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