‘But Poppy and Ursula…’ she says, confused.
‘They must be soothsayers, because whatever they saw, I didn’t have even theslightestclue.’
‘I suppose.’
It strikes me as funny that Freya came here to comfort me, and now I’m comforting her.
‘And you’re forgetting something,’ I add. ‘You’re way too close to this – that’s why you weren’t allowed to match Raff yourself. Youcouldn’tsee it – you’re too emotionally involved.’
‘Only because he’s?—’
‘Your first best friend – Iknow,’ I say, calling back to our dumb conversation from last week.
She gives me a weak smile.
‘Can I ask…?’ She hesitates. ‘Are you in love with Raff?’
I inhale deeply and drop my gaze to the floor.
Am I in love with Raff? Great question.
‘I love him, of course I do – the same way I love you.’ I look up and she’s peering at me intently. ‘And I feel safe with him – like I can be myself – or at least I did until Wednesday night,’ I add with adry chuckle. It falls away and I’m serious again, as I delve deeper into my feelings for Raff.
‘I always look forward to seeing him and when we spend time together… it’s like it fills me up inside. But, again, that’s how I feel about you too. Hell, I don’t know. What’s “being in love” anyway? I’ve never experienced anything close to it.’
‘Not even with your ex?’ she asks.
‘In retrospect, no, definitely not. Any time I look back on my relationship with Eric, I can’t believe I stayed with him as long as I did. We never reallytalked, you know. And if I needed solace, if something terrible happened, like when my grandma on my mom’s side passed away, Eric wasnotthe person to go to. Not even for something as simple as having a crappy day. He’d tear his eyes away from the TV, say something trite or condescending like, ‘It’ll be okay,’ or, ‘You’re worrying about nothing,’ then crack a beer and go back to watching ESPN.’
Freya squeezes my hand. ‘That sounds awful – andlonely.’
‘Yeah.’ I’m quiet for a moment – seriously, why did I put up with Eric for as long as I did?Six years!
‘Frey,’ I say, meeting her eye. ‘You’re the professional. What do you think turns friendship into love?’
She’s thoughtful for a moment, then she smiles and says, ‘You realise that you fancy them.’
‘Really? That’s it?’ I ask with a snort. ‘Geez, I can see why they pay you the big bucks.’
She purses her lips at me, trying not to laugh. ‘It’s more than that, of course,’ she says, ‘but it’s also very difficult to identify. Everything you described about your friendship, that’s all foundational to a good relationship. Then there’s the added layer of attraction. But in between is something…indefinable– a spark of sorts.’
‘Chemistry?’ I ask.
‘Some people call it that, yes. Believe me, even at the agency, wewish we could pinpoint precisely what it is and bottle it. But it’s either there or it isn’t. And “it” is different for every person.’
‘It’s there between Raff and Julia,’ I say quietly. A lump lodges in my throat and I stare at the floor again.
‘You don’t know that – onlytheyknow that. And it’s still very early days. They haven’t even been on a date yet.’
‘I know what I saw.’
‘And I’m telling you that you don’t,’ she says with unwavering assuredness.
It’s not often that Freya takes a stand like this, and even though I’m not convinced she’s right, I don’t press her.
‘So, that brings us back to “now what?”,’ I say instead.
‘Now, we wait and see.’