Page 5 of Someone Like You

‘Oh god,’ Raff groans.

He breaks into a reluctant smile, shaking his head as the rest of us chuckle.

‘That’s a good point, love,’ CiCi says to Devin. She turns to Raff. ‘No need for a matchmaker when half of Britain’s banging down your door, is there?’

‘It’s hardly— There was thatonetime,’ Raff retorts with a reluctant smile.

He’s talking about an incident at Tesco where someone recognised him in the fresh produce department, and he ended up signing autographs and taking selfies for twenty minutes. I’m positive he wishes he hadn’t told us about that.

‘Why are you all laughing? This isn’t funny!’ Raff insists, only itisfunny and he knows it, which is why he starts laughing too.

‘Have we moved the party in here, then?’ Freddie asks as he enters.

‘Sorry, Freddie, we didn’t mean to forget about you,’ Freya replies. He appears to take her comment in stride even though it’s mildly insulting. ‘We’re talking about Raff’s love life.’

‘Can we not?Please?’ whines Raff, setting off another chorus of chuckles at his expense. Freddie pats him on the shoulder the way men do to show solidarity, and Raff must see this as an in for getting Freddie onside.

‘Did you know your girlfriend has this ludicrous idea about matching me?’ he asks.

‘Well, she is a top-notch matchmaker and you are “sans girlfriend”,’ Freddie replies, making air quotes. ‘So why not?’

Raff’s shoulders slump a full inch. ‘Et tu, Brute?’ he asks, but Freddie only shrugs. ‘So, let me get this straight,’ says Raff, addressing all of us. ‘I’ve just been named Britain’s Best Baker?—’

‘Well, you were three months ago,’ interjects Devin, but Raffsilences him with a scowl. ‘Sorry,’ says Devin, shooting CiCi a look that says, ‘Oops’.

‘As I was saying, I’ve just been named Britain’s Best Bakeron the telly,’ Raff says, pointedly clarifying that it’s now public knowledge, ‘and all you lot can talk about is that I’m single. Not successful or accomplished, not perfectly happy, thank you very much. Butsingle.’

‘Oh, love,’ says CiCi. ‘Of course, we know how successful you are –andhappy,’ she adds.

But what’s left unspoken is that everyone in this room – except maybe Freddie – knows that Raff is only truly happy when he’s in love – orbelieveshe is. Including Raff.

‘How about this?’ he says, turning to Freya, a defiant glint in his eyes. ‘Go ahead and match me.’

‘Really?’ she asks, surprised.

‘Really. If I’m such a miserable, lonely git?—’

‘Hey, you’re none of things,’ I say vehemently. CiCi and Freya also protest but he talks over us.

‘Wait, where was I? Oh yes, a miserable, lonely git,’ he says again, the tone of self-deprecating humour ebbing from his voice. ‘Andif you’re so convinced that you can save me from my misery,’ he says to Freya, ‘then how can I say no?’

‘Seriously?’

‘Sure, why not?’ Raff replies sarcastically, throwing his arms out wide.

This conversation is stupidandit’s upsetting Raff. We need to shut it down.

I catch Freya’s eye and lift my hand to draw it across my neck – the universal sign for ‘STOP!’ – but her eyes have taken on an excited glow.Crap!She’s taken Raff at his word, but it’s obvious he’s only saying yes to shut us up. He doesn’t mean it.

‘Only I don’t want to know anything about it. I don’t even want to know it’s happening,’ he adds, his voice strained.

‘Know it’s…? Wait…’ says Freya, her head tilted. ‘How do you mean?’

‘Yeah,’ I throw in, now curious. ‘How can Freya match you without you knowing?’

‘I don’t know. I’ll leave that to the professionals to figure out. But I’m not going on any more bloody dates. I’m done with dates!’ he declares.

‘To be absolutely clear,’ says Freya, that gleam still in her eyes, ‘as long as I avoid setting you up on dates, you’ll let me match you?’

---