Page 141 of Someone Like You

‘I see,’ he says – his other go-to understatement when everything’s gone to shit. His gaze goes back to the ground, several emotions traversing his face in mere seconds.

‘I suppose that explains a few things,’ he says, but it’s unclear if he’s speaking to me or himself.

‘Like what?’ I ask softly, the fight ebbing out of me.

I go to his side and sit, taking his hand. He places his other hand on mine, letting me in. He must have run out of steam too.

‘Oh, you know… certain things she’d say. Slip-ups, I suppose. It doesn’t matter, though. It was never going to work, anyway.’

‘What?’ Now it’s my turn to be surprised.

‘We’re too different. We want different things. She’s old money and privilege and… too much like my parents’ set, if I’m honest.’

His thumb moves slowly against the back of my hand, as ‘whys’ whiz through my mind.

Why did he keep dating her?

Why all the texts and video calls since we arrived in Seattle?

Why did he suggest we all get together for a frigging games night when we’re back in London?

But that’s where the line between ‘best friend’ and ‘wannabe girlfriend’ gets blurry.

Which Gaby wants answers the most?

I admit to myself that it’s the latter, which is why I keep quiet. Raff needs his best friend right now – and if that’s all I’ll ever be to him, then so be it.

I don’t want to lose him. Ican’tlose him.

‘On reflection, I only went out with her because I was flattered that someone like Julia would be interested in me. I’m not proud to say this, but it was an ego boost of sorts.’

Ahh – someone like Julia. A tall, buxom, beautiful blonde with a fuck-tonne of money. The opposite of me.

And then out pops the question of a wannabe girlfriend. ‘What do you mean by “someone like Julia”?’

‘Flashy. Larger-than-life.Famous– and proper famous, not like Iwas for about fifteen minutes, but world-renowned. It was an intoxicating mix to begin with, but it’s been wearing off.’

‘So, why keep dating her then?’ Another question I probably shouldn’t be asking.

‘You make it sound like she was my girlfriend,’ he says with a dry laugh. ‘We only went out a couple of times – I haven’t even kissed her.’

He hasn’t kissed her?!My heart starts thumping even harder as the realisation hits. Raff hasn’t kissed Julia, but hehaskissed me.

‘And, yes, she was fun enough to talk to, and she’s a very interesting person in some respects, but she’s not right for me – as a girlfriend, I mean.’

‘She isn’t?’ I ask, my eyes fixed on his face.

‘Well, no. And I decided that when I got back to London, I’d tell her we could only be friends. Only after this morning, I didn’t want to wait. When she messaged just now, I called her and told her it wasn’t going to work out.’

‘You did?’

‘Course,’ he replies with a gentle smile. ‘She’s not who I want.’

‘So, who do you want?’ I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. Hope perches on one shoulder cheering me on, while dread plonks itself on the other telling me not to be ridiculous.

He angles towards me, his grasp on my hand tightening.

‘I want to be with someone who shares my view on life – that family, including those wechooseas our family, arethemost important people – that “home” is a feeling, rather than a place – that being there for our loved ones when they need us fills us up inside.’

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