Page 139 of Someone Like You

‘A sweater,’ I reply, and they scrunch up their nose at what is clearly a lame present. ‘Well, I’ll let you get back to riding your bike. You’re alreadyreallygood at it,’ I say, and they puff out their chest with pride.

‘Thanks,’ says their dad with a wave.

I keep walking as a question goes around my mind on a loop: how can Raff and I remain best friends when I’m in love with him and he wants someone else?

By the time I get to Kerry Park, there’s a break in the clouds and actual sun shines down on me. An older couple is sitting on one of the benches, and there’s a guy with a Shih Tzu that’s wandering around off lead while he scrolls on his phone.

I cross to the wall and dust off some snow so I can sit, swinging my legs over the edge and looking out at my beautiful hometown.

And that’s the crucial distinction. Seattle is my hometown, but London is home.

Not too long ago, I wondered what it would be like to move back here, but I now know it’s not what I want. Sure, I’ll feel homesick from time to time, but after this past week, I can’t imagine moving back. Because my life is there now. And I have so much to be excited about.

My thoughts return to Raff… Not so excited about how that’s going to play out. But whatever happens, I’m not running back here. I’m not the same Gaby I was eight years ago, the girl who packed up her life to put as much distance as possible between her and the man who broke her heart.

Broke her heart…

Am Ireallyheartbroken over Raff? Is that what this is? Can you feel the loss of something that was never yours to begin with?

‘All right if I join you?’

Raff.

Of course it is. Not only can I manifest family members with my mind, but Raff as well. What a shitty superpower.

‘Sure,’ I reply, and he repeats my actions from a few minutes ago, sitting six inches away.

‘I came downstairs and you’d left.’

‘Just wanted some fresh air.’

‘Right.’ I can tell he’s trying to figure out how to say something and it takes him two false starts to get there. ‘Gabs, about last night?—’

‘Yeah, sorry about that,’ I say, laughing it off.

‘Sorry?’ He isn’t apologising; he’s asking for further explanation.

Sure, Raff – happy to explain why I kissed you in front of everyone.

‘It’s just… She just seemed hell-bent on getting you onto the dancefloor, so… you know…’

I glance at him and he’s clearly baffled, but I amnotspelling it out for him – this is torture enough.

I expel a long sigh. ‘So, how’s Julia?’ I ask, mentally slapping myself. I don’t want to talk about the kiss, so I bring up his girlfriend? What the fuck is wrong with me?

‘Er… good. She’s good.’

‘Good –great.’

He angles his body towards mine. ‘Can I… Last night…’

I meet his eye. ‘You know what, Raff? I really don’t want to talk about it, okay? That girl wouldn’t leave you alone and you needed my help and I’d had a couple of glasses of wine, so I kissed you. No big deal.’

I’m hurting him, I can tell from his wounded expression, but I can’t see how any of what I’ve said is hurtful. I’m letting him off the hook.

‘Right,’ he says again – his go-to when something is anything but.

And I can tell he’s not only hurt, he’s also still confused. I make a split-second decision to spell it out.

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