Page 14 of The One That I Want

‘Youareclose, though. You spend more time with her than with me.’

‘Yes, but that’s “work close” not “real-life close”. And with everything that’s going on, I’d hoped she’d forgotten. Why did Idothat? I’ve never told heranythingabout my love life bef?—’

‘You mean, your lack of love life.’ She’s smirking again, plainly enjoying this.

‘Yes, thank you for the reminder, but I haven’t had time for love. I’ve been too busy building my career. Then suddenly I lift my head and – bam – I’m in my mid-thirties and alone. Oh god,’ I say, resting my forehead against the window, ‘those are the exact words I said to Anjali! What was Ithinking?’

‘Um, I take exception to the “alone” part.’

‘What?’ I ask, turning towards her. ‘Oh, sorry. You’re right, I’m notalone. I’m not even lonely – I’m surrounded by wonderful people.’

I don’t add that besides my immediate family and Tiggy, most of those ‘wonderful people’ are my colleagues.

‘Present company included,’ she quips before stuffing her mouth with Wotsits. You’d never know it to look at her – five-ten and nine stone – but Tiggy’s diet is 50 per cent snack food. Wine and Wotsits is her version of wine and cheese.

‘Well, obvs,’ I say in response to her I’m-fishing-for-a-compliment comment. ‘Mind if we get back to me now?’

She mumbles her agreement through her mouthful.

‘I was going to say that until a few weeks ago, I’d barely thought about love at all.’

I head back to the sofa and flop onto it, then retrieve my glass and take a small sip. It really is delicious – a Tempranillo from Spain.

‘So, what changed? What’s the catalyst for all this angst?’ she asks, digging her hand inside the Wotsits packet again.

‘It’s silly really.’

‘Just tell me.’

I meet her gaze and she stares at me expectantly, her head cocked to one side. She knows I had an awkward conversation with Anjali that night – I told her the next day – but she doesn’t know the catalyst for the conversationorhow much it’s been on my mind ever since.

‘All right. So, I was editing this article forNouveau Lifeabout dating apps and there was this section about successful matches – people who’d got married after meeting online – and it got me thinking. I mean, I’m thirty-six next birthday?—’

‘We both are,’ she interjects.

‘Yes, butyouhaven’t always thought you’d fall in love and have a baby.’

‘Thirty-six isn’t too old to have a baby.’

‘Well,no. But even if I met someone now and had a whirlwind romanceandgot pregnant right away, I’d be atleastthirty-seven by the time the baby came. And did you know that any pregnancy over the age of thirty-five is considered a geriatric pregnancy?Geriatric, Tig.’

‘What about your mum? She was a lot older than that when she had Ru.’

‘She was forty-eight, but?—’

‘See? You’ve got plenty of time to find a nice bloke and have a baby. Maybe even get married.’

‘Ugh. Just the thought of that is exhausting – dating… finding the right person… telling each other your dreams… your secrets… letting them see all your faults… falling inlove… If only I could have parlayed my crush on Luca into a ready-made family of three – no dating, no pregnancy, just a scrummy hubby and an adorable baby in the blink of an eye.’

Tiggy laughs at that. ‘You really are a right muppet. And Luca’s a cad. You’d have been a single mum before your baby’s first birthday.’

‘That may be true.’

‘It isdefinitelytrue.’

‘Oh, I envy you, Tig,’ I say with a sigh. ‘I have no idea how you do it.’

‘Do what?’

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