Page 124 of Shout Out To My Ex

Cassie nods, her shoulders stiffening – possibly bracing herself for a verbal blow. But how can I be angry with her? She brought me and Leo back together.

‘It’s okay,’ I say. ‘I think I understand.’

Cassie is visibly relieved. ‘Thanks, Bean,’ she whispers.

‘Bon, there is more,’ says Marie. I don’t know if I can take any more revelations. This has already been aday. Reluctantly, I return my attention to the odd little French woman.

She advances to the next photograph – one of a smallish balding man wearing an expensive suit and – wouldn’t you know it – a certain supermodel is hanging off his arm. ‘Thisis Franzia’srealfiancé,’ says Marie, ‘French financier, Jean Trudeau.’

‘What the fuck?’ Cassie and I ask in unison.

‘Wait, what?!’ Leo asks.

‘Ah,oui, Franzia is already engaged – for two years now. But, uh… Trudeau, he is married and until his wife agrees to a divorce, the engagement remains a secret.’

‘So, she announced she’s engaged to me to cover up her engagement tohim?’ Leo asks. ‘What the actual fuck?’

‘Yes!’ I exclaim. ‘Why not just lay low with the French bloke until he’s divorced?’

‘Why else? Like most things in life, it is about money.’ I’m not sure I subscribe to Marie’s life philosophy, but she has me completely captivated.

‘A fidelity clause in the marriage,’ she continues. ‘He cheats, the wife, she gets an enormous settlement.Mais, she gets an even bigger one if they stay married for ten years.Alors… the wife, she has the control,non?’

‘So, when is the ten years up?’ I ask.

‘Six weeks from now,’ replies Marie.

‘Six weeks?’ I turn towards Leo again and the colour has drained from his face.

‘Leo,’ I say, ‘six weeks. This means all that rubbish about being a brand ambassador…’

‘It was a lie… She was just using me – well, I knew she was. We were using each other, but…’

‘I’m so, so sorry,’ I say, grasping his hand even tighter. ‘I mean, whoarethese people?’

‘Elle, Leo, there’s something else,’ says Poppy.

Leo and I exchange another look. ‘Oh god, itisaliens,’ I say, right as he says, ‘Can only be the locusts.’ Despite the gravity of the situation, we share a mirthless smile.

‘Okay, lay it on us,’ says Leo, dropping my hand and throwing his arms out wide.

Marie goes to speak, but Poppy cuts her off. ‘Before Marie tells you what else we’ve just learnt, I want you to know we have a way out of this.’

‘Yes, we are fully committed to helping you achieve your happily ever after,’ Saskia chimes in.

Our happily ever after…Right now, that’s difficult to envision. Though I suppose Leo and Ididjust declare our love for each other – even if it was in the loo. At least there’s that.

‘Okay?’ Poppy asks.

‘Like I said, lay it on us,’ says Leo. He inhales deeply, obviously girding himself for what’s to come. If only something as simple as taking a deep breath would help me, but my heart is racing and my throat feels like the Sahara.

‘Marie?’ says Poppy, handing back to her.

‘Alors,’ says Marie, raising her hands as if making an offering to the gods, ‘here, we have a faux engagement with themodel, herself a fabrication,andshe is already engaged to the billionaire.’

Good god. She could get a job as a psychic in a carnival with all these theatrics. Ladies and gentlemen, presentingMadameMarie! All she needs is a scarf and a crystal ball.

‘And who do you think is behind all this?’ Marie asks, pointing around the table with her unlit cigarette.

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