Page 95 of Shout Out To My Ex

‘Well, yeah – of course. I talked to her just last night about the photos of you and m?—’

‘No. I mean do youtalk? At the end of the day, do you… you know: “Hello, darling, how was your day?” That sort of thing.’

‘I don’t?—’

‘I mean, whereisshe, your fiancée, if you’re so in love? Shouldn’t she be here, sharing your excitement about your next collection?’

‘You’re being hurtful.’

‘I’mbeing hurtful? You just told me you have feelings for me when you’re engaged to someone else!’ I’m bordering on shouting now – not only carelessly indiscreet but also highly unprofessional. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. ‘I’m sorry. That was…’

‘It’s okay. I get it.’

‘It’s not and you don’t.’ I sigh, resigned with what I am about to say. ‘I don’t know how this can work, Leo, us designing a collection together. I had my doubts when Cassie first raised the idea – actually, Iknewit was a terrible idea and I was right.’

He starts to speak, but I stop him with a raised hand.

‘Please let me finish.’ He dips his chin, indicating for me to continue. ‘I never got over you. I wasbrokenby what you did. It took months before I could even design again – the one thing Ilivefor and I couldn’t evenlookat a sketch book. And I’ve spent a decade living with this spectre of you, going on rubbish first dates with the wrong men, discarding them almost immediately because none of them lived up to you – to what I had with you. To what we had.

‘And these past few weeks have been brilliant and infuriating and exciting andmiserable. Because there have been many times –toomany times – when I’ve thought –hoped, rather – that you would explain why you left London the way you did –andwhy you cut off all ties – and then we’d reconnect’ – I cough out a derisive laugh – ‘and get back together! How fucked up is that?!’ I ask, throwing my hands in the air at the absurdity of the thought.

‘So, how about this?’ I ask, lowering my voice. ‘We call it good, our misguided partnership, Ser waves her magic wand to smooth things over in the press, and we never have to see each other again?’

His face falls. I’ve clearly hurt him, which stabs at my heart. But I can’t keep working with him, especially now. My alreadybruised heart would completely shatter –again– and what sort of collection would that yield?

‘Iamsorry, Elle, about how abruptly I left London.Truly. It all just happened so fast – the old man’s heart attack… my mom begging me to come home right away… It killed me to see her like that, so lost… She needed me, but I had you and I didn’t know what to do. IwishI’d had more time with you. I wish I’d been able to say a proper goodbye… I wish a lot of things, but I never wanted to hurt you like I did.’

‘Oh,’ I reply, the wind thoroughly knocked out of my sails.

‘And as for the other thing, breaking off all contact… In hindsight, that was fucked up and hurtful and… Look, I could try to explain my reasons – as stupid as they were – but I guess it doesn’t matter any more, does it? I’ll just get my things,’ he says, and my breath catches in my throat. He’s leaving – like I told him to – and this might be it: our final moment together. Ever.

But there’s something else, something niggling at me, and then it comes to me.

‘Wait.’

He turns around.

‘Before, you said “we can’t fan the flames” or something like that, and then you said “at least not right now”. What did you mean by that? The “not right now” part?’

He runs a hand over his mouth, clearly conflicted, then drops his hand to his side. He lifts his gaze, and those dark-grey eyes bore into me.

‘The engagement has got to seem real for at least another month, possibly longer. That’s the arrangement.’

‘What?’ I gasp.

‘It’s not real. We were never together. It’s all been orchestrated. I didn’t even know about the engagement side of things till Franzia made the announcement. I thought it was justgoing to be a few dates over a few weeks, but now… now it’s become this whole fucking thing.’

My knees buckle – actually buckle – and I grasp the edge of my desk to steady myself, so I don’t drop to the floor.

29

ELLE

‘I’m fine,’ I say.

Cassie happened to arrive immediately after Leo’s revelation, witnessing the moment my legs gave way beneath me. But in the ensuing commotion, during which Leo fled with a feeble excuse about calling New York and a promise to ‘be in touch’, Zara wouldn’t stop saying that the word ‘swooned’. Swooned! As if I’m a character inBridgerton!

Cassie’s clearly unconvinced by my assertion that I’m okay and peers down at me, her lips pressed together and brows knitted. She even tuts intermittently as she stuffs cushions behind my head. There are so many, my chin is now touching my chest and I’m anything but comfortable.

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