Page 29 of Shout Out To My Ex

‘Because it’s terrifying, that’s why.’

I need to tread carefully here. I don’t want to invalidate Shaz’s feelings, but she has a track record of sabotaging the good things in her life, as well as a string of disastrous relationships in which she gives up everything she wants and acquiesces to the other person, ultimately losing sight of herself. But with Lauren, she’s Shaz, the whole person. She’s happy and complete and, most importantly, she’s loved.

‘It can be really scary,’ I say, ‘moving in with someone.’

‘Youdid it.’

‘Well, yes, but under very different circumstances.’ I flick a glance towards Tristan but he’s popped his earbuds in now – he likes to listen to podcasts while he cooks. Even so, I lean towards Shaz. ‘Look, I understand the fear – it’s completely justified – but answer this: do you love her?’

‘Yes.’

‘And can you imagine spending your life with her?’

‘Yes, but more in a “sometime in the future” way.’

‘And what’s at the heart of it, do you think? This nebulous future, the fear?’

‘Please don’t be my psych right now. Can’t we just…?’

I let her off the hook – for now – and send a smile her way. ‘Sure. So, got a Chanel handbag I can borrow?’

She smiles at me wanly. ‘Thanks, Pop.’

‘Hey, what sort of bestie am I if I don’t distract you with opportunities to ridicule me?’

‘Seriously though,Nouveau Oceania.’ She starts laughing again.

‘Yeah, yeah.’

9

ELLE

Three days until we leave for Paris and my sister is AWOL – something about a consultation. Though, I know my sister well enough to suspect it’s to do with this so-called side project – or rather, the never-gonna-happen collaboration with Leo.

She’d better not be digging us in deeper. I may have agreed to go to Leo’s show but that will consist of entering, standing at the back, then exiting immediately afterwards. I haven’t even agreed to say hello, let alone meet with him.Again.

It’s been over a week since I saw him, a week of replaying our conversation in my head on repeat. I keep asking myself if I could have said or done anything differently, if I could have elicited some sort of apology – even an explanation. But then I end up questioning the point of an apology.

‘Oh, Ellie, I’m terribly sorry I was a complete arse and ghosted you like that. But it was only because I was too busy saving kittens from burning buildings all over Texas, while simultaneously solving the climate crisis.’

Anything less than that and Leo can sod off.

God, have I really spent a decade mourning the loss of something that was entirely one-sided? It certainly feels like it. Why else would Leo have done what he did?

Thankfully, I’ve had work to keep me busy. Any time I feel myself on the brink of wallowing, another decision has landed in my lap. This close to launching a collection, my role is essentially ‘extreme decision maker’. If it were an Olympic event, I’d medal for sure.

‘Elle, we’re ready for you,’ says Zara, poking her head into the office.

Speaking of decision making…

For the seventy-fifth time – and I’m onlyslightlyexaggerating – we are reordering the looks for the show.

If I do say so myself, this year’s autumn/winter collection is my best yet. I was inspired by Hollywood’s Golden Age and the women who embraced the trouser, the pant suit, and even the tuxedo. Back then, they were considered daring – gender benders with a propensity for comfort, leading to some of most iconic looks of the past hundred years.

And drawing from Virginia Woolf’s assertion that all women should have aroomof their own, I’ve called my collection, ‘ASuitof One’s Own’. I hope people make the connection, but even if they don’t,Ido.

So, Dietrick, Garbo, Hepburn, and Woolf… Thank you for the inspiration, ladies.

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