Page 119 of Shout Out To My Ex

Because it’s plainly evident that Leo and I can’t pursue a relationship –definitelynot right now and possibly not ever.Not if we want to come out of this with our careers intact, or even this side of ‘in tatters’.

Poppy leaves and Leo enters, the space immediately feeling smaller now it’s filled with his larger-than-life presence.

‘Hey, are you okay?’

‘No,’ I answer honestly.

He comes to me in an instant, enfolding me in his arms. Leaning my head against his chest one last time, I listen to the rapid beat of his heart.

‘That was rough,’ he says, his voice burdened by the heft of what we’ve just seen.

This is going to be even rougher, I think.

‘Leo,’ I whisper hoarsely.

He releases me, his hands resting gently on my upper arms.

‘I don’t think I can do this,’ I say.

IknowI can’t, but that’s so much harder to say out loud. We’ve only just found each other again.

‘Elle?’ Poppy is at the door. I huff out a sigh, frustrated that in the past twenty-four hours there has barely been enough time to breathe, let alone process a decade’s worth of feelings.

‘Yes?’ I call out.

‘Cassie’s here.’

‘Thank you,’ I reply noncommittally, because even though I want my sister here, I want her here forafter– after the hearts are broken, when I need her to pick up the pieces.

‘Do you want me to go?’ Leo asks quietly.

‘No,’ I reply emphatically, my voice betraying my decision before I have a chance to stop it.

‘Elle?’ Poppy again.

‘Yes?’ I shout tetchily. Can’t she leave me be, even for a moment? Doesn’t she know what I’m trying to do in here? It’s hard enough without?—

‘I think you need to hear this,’ she insists, slicing through my thoughts. ‘Leo too.’

He and I exchange a look.

‘Give us a minute,’ he calls. His hand lifts to my face. ‘Look, I know this is a shit show right now, but it’sourshit show, okay?’

A laugh bursts free.

‘Why is that funny?’ he asks, confusion and amusement melding on his face.

‘I have no idea,’ I reply. ‘This is just… bananas.’

‘It is fucked up,’ he says solemnly.

‘That too. Fucked up bananas.’

‘But, Elle, I mean it, I am not going anywhere. We’re in this together and we’ll work it out, okay?’

When I don’t reply right away, his gaze intensifies. I try to answer, but I can’t form the words – not when my head and my heart are locked in battle. The smart thing would be to walk away and do what I can to salvage my career. Same for Leo.

But my heart?

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