Page 140 of Frozen Flames

“The same way you do now?”

I shake my head. “No, different.”

He takes notes and waits patiently for me to continue.

“My legs gave out, but it felt like there was a hole in my chest. I wasn’t the same person anymore. It’s like my spirit died in the accident.”

“And how does it feel now?” he asks gently.

I scowl, having trouble expressing myself. “I feel…ashamed, embarrassed. I’m bitter as hell…” I process my thoughts out loud. “And I’m tiredallthe time.”

He stares at me with interest. “What you went through was tragic, Harvey. Being nondisabled from birth gave you capabilities that shaped your thrill-seeking nature as you grew up. Losing that was like losing a vital part of yourself.”

I nod, having nothing to add. He describes it perfectly.

“Perhaps you’re grieving the old you. It’s easy to mistake grief for anger or sadness sometimes.”

“Yeah,” I say simply.

“I think you’re rediscovering who this new you is after the trauma, and sometimes, unfortunately, that means shedding parts of our old selves or even people that we had in our lives.”

I tilt my head to the side. “You believe that?”

“I do.” He nods. “This doesn’t apply to everyone, clearly, as some relationships last a lifetime. But it’s important, in order to achieve that, for both people in the relationship to give themselves the space to grow and change. Humans are nothing if not ever-changing.”

“You know, you might be onto something. Claire came into my life, and with her, I could be a totally different person. I could be better, become the person I wanted to be.”

He shrugs. “As life sometimes happens. You and Gemma both had a choice: either grow together or change into new people separately.”

“I guess so.” I stare at the serene painting behind him.

“Let’s go back to the anger regarding Gemma. Were there parts of you that envied her, since her life went on as normal?”

I frown. “Not at all. I was glad it happened to me. I would never have traded with her.”

“Even with her cheating?”

“Even then.”

He adds more notes to his iPad.

“It changed her life too…she didn’t walk away untouched. Our entire relationship changed, and she went from being a girlfriend to a caretaker overnight.”

“That’s how you would describe her, as your caretaker?”

I look away before saying, “That’s the role she took on unintentionally, and it bothered me.”

“And did you share that with her, Harvey, back then?”

“Here and there, yeah, I did. Look, we weren’t the best communicators. With Claire, I’m slowly learning.”

There’s a smirk on his face as he brings his pen up to his cheek. “Were things better in the months after the accident?”

“Yes and no. I was improving physically, but mentally I felt worse. Things that used to take me five minutes now suddenly took forever. It was frustrating. And in public, people either avoided making eye contact with me or stared nonstop. Some meds didn’t help and had shitty side effects, so that was trial and error. And I mean…people got to move on. They weren’t impacted by the accident the way I was.”

“Meaning?”

“Well, Gemma continued to work on campus, yet her hours were flexible, and she often worked remotely.”

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