Page 139 of Frozen Flames

Knowing that and waiting on it are two very different things.

When I’ve finally showered and I’m in bed that night, I scroll through my previous text messages with Harvey, wishing there were more. I feel like a teen again, wishing that my crush’s name would appear on my screen.

For now, though, I replay the memories I cherish—the ones where we spent time together as friends, and the sexual ones.

Because I miss him in every way.

I get another in-home contract for afternoons, bringing me to full-time hours with the two contracts combined.

My mornings with Mrs. Kent are busy, since my nursing skills are also needed with her.

“Have any special someone?” she asks curiously, in a gentle manner.

“Yes, well, there was.” I keep it short. Clearly, I’ve crossed lines before, and I’m not willing to do it again.

I help her with the movement of her next stretch when she nods. My heart constricts inside my chest, my mind going to Harvey and all that involves him andus.

“I see,” Mrs. Kent finally says with a twinkle in her eye.

Perhaps even when you’ve reached her age, love stories are as magical as ever. It says a lot about what truly matters at the end of the day. To know that at the end of our human lives, despite all the pain and grief that love burdens us with, we still cherish it above all else.

“It’s complicated,” I explain further.

“Love is quite simple, dear. It’s us and our brains who complicate it.”

I smile. “Perhaps.”

I explain the next stretch to her, and we work through a series of exercises. We speak no more of love or Harvey, yet he stays on my mind.

I’m trying to be happy, to move on in some way. I have no guarantee, other than hope, that he’ll come back to me.

So until then, I must keep trotting along, living my best life, and bringing myself back to my happy place.

Harvey

I can’t help wondering if I’ll ever truly have my life together.

I’ve been in therapy for a few weeks now, and sometimes I feel angrier than ever.

“She cheated on me…that’s why I’m angry at her,” I tell Dr. Lee on a rainy Thursday afternoon after my work shift. “She betrayed me.”

I’ve never moved around this much since I started therapy and working. It’s tiring but also rejuvenating, giving me life in some way.

“What about before you found out she cheated or even before Claire came into the picture. Were you angry with her then?”

I stare at him bewildered. It’s like I’m this guy’s target, for fuck’s sake. “What do you mean? I was angry in general, but not at Gemma.”

“Okay. Try this. Try and explain that anger to me,” he urges.

“It’s hard to explain.” I chuckle. “There are many components to it. I hate who or what I’ve become. I hate being bound to my wheelchair.”

“Despite the improvements you’ve made?” he inquires.

“Yes, of course. I want to walk like I used to. People…we take things for granted.”

“We most certainly do,” he agrees. “So, Harvey, take me back to the first few days and weeks after the accident.”

“It was horrible.” I swallow, then snort. “I wanted to die.”

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