Page 89 of Frozen Flames

I let out a pained noise, like a broken beast who’s never felt loved. Then my breathing changes, my heart rate accelerates, and I feel like I’m on the verge of a panic attack.

I take deep breaths to try to calm myself down, but instead I surrender to the mental despair as the weight of Gemma’s reveal fully hits me.

Harvey

Less Than Two and a Half Years Ago ...

I dreaded this day.

I’ve been living in my own bubble for months now, and leaving rehab is like getting slapped by another dose of reality.

I’m nervous as hell to see Gemma.

We were living in an apartment together before the accident.

Then I learned, while I was in rehab, that they moved our stuff into one of my dad’s properties—a bungalow—and made many changes to the home for me. My mom, my dad, Hen, Gemma, they did so much for me while I’ve been stuck in here, suffering in solitude.

I bet they’re glad to finally see me back home.

I bet they expect some fucking smiles and a million thank-yous.

As they should.

That is who I used to be.

Today, I still feel nothing.

I’m mentally preparing myself, trying to hype myself up so that I can live up to their expectations, so that my previous self can come out again andbe fucking present.

Yet I can’t seem to get there.

I should be happy.

I’ll finally be home. Well, a new home, but still.

And I’ve made a little bit of progress since I started rehab.

Yet,yet.

I’ve never felt more miserable.

Both Gemma’s and my families are over for dinner.

Gemma’s twin sister, Gia, lured me to my new room to see Gemma before my mom grabbed me for a house tour.

It gave me a moment to hold Gemma in my arms before making her promise not to treat me like glass. I held her tightly and buried my nose in her hair, which smelled like her apple cider shampoo.

I had missed her face and her quietly muttered words.

I had missed her aura so badly, it was probably the only thing that could make me bawl my eyes out right now.

Not seeing her, it was as if I was slowly forgetting every curve of her body, every line of her face.

When we finally started the tour, my mom explained every change they had made for me, and it broke my heart a little further. Some things I knew were needed. Some things I didn’t expect, or maybe it was because I tuned out most of the rehab courses they gave us about life in a wheelchair.

I still try for my mom, who put in so much work and effort and money. I try and force a smile on my face as I thank my parents for their support.

I even make a few jokes at dinner, which surprises Hen, since he saw me in rehab.

---