Page 86 of Frozen Flames

“Because I need her. I can’t explain it. I just do. She just… She was there for me through it all, you know?”

“I know she was. Iknowthat…” She nods. “I really do. I’m just trying to make you see the other side of things. You scoff at Jo March’s romantic behavior, yet—”

“Jo? Jo?” I snicker as she refers to a fictional character. “This isn’t some stupid book, Claire. This is my life!”

“Of course I know that! But we can learn a thing or two from books. What if Jo had stayed with Laurie because she felt bad for him? What would you think then?”

“Well”—I think it through—“it wouldn’t be so bad. He’d been there for her since they met…”

“I know.” She sighs, agreeing with me. “But deep down, that resentment might grow, and they might’ve bickered a lot.”

“Yeah, maybe—probably, yeah. But at least they’d be loyal to each other.”

“No, don’t pretend, Harvey! You haven’t been loyal to Gemma for a while, and you know it.”

A chuckle escapes my lips.

She’s not wrong.

“I do get it, Harv. I get how she was there for you…”

I don’t think you do.

“Honestly, Claire…without Gemma, I don’t think I would’ve survived.”

I let the truth simmer between us, and I can see the moment that everything registers in Claire’s mind.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it was that bad after the accident.” She swallows. “I didn’t know that you felt that way.”

“To be fair”—I snicker—“neither did she. But while everybody else moved on with their lives and expected me to do the same, Gemma never left. She stuck with me in ways I can’t explain.” I shake my head, clearing my throat. “And I don’t know how I’m supposed to just…ditch her now.”

Claire sits back down on the wood log next to me, grabbing my hand, my expression no doubt full of pain.

I go for the whole truth.

“You must know that I love her. I love Gemma, Claire.” I cover my mouth with my hand, feeling my upper body tremble.

“Harvey—”

“No, wait,” I say, needing to get everything off my chest. “I love her, but not in the way I should.” That’s why I said what I said yesterday. “It’s nothing compared to how I feel about you…”

She grabs my face between her beautiful hands and whispers my name. “I already know that you love her, silly. I never expected you to stop so suddenly.”

I’m glad she realizes how confused I am. I’m glad she didn’t push me to open up and share my conflicted feelings.

I look away, hoping to regain my composure. “I’m not sure how long I need. Not months…just, I don’t know, time.”

She drops her hands and nods, and we remain silent for quite a while.

Time, time, time.

We stay outside, holding each other’s hands. It’s the last thing I should be doing, considering the promise I made to Gemma. Yet here I am, repeating the same mistakes over and over again to be close to Claire.

I’m not proud of this.

No matter if Gemma’s making mistakes of her own, I know that this will hurt her as well.

And as easy as it is to admit while I’m mad and thinking she deserves it, it’s not so easy when I’m calm and thinking clearly. I don’t want to hurt anybody, that’s the problem. But my indecisiveness is hurting them both, so I must decide.

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