Page 85 of Frozen Flames

I nod, knowing how she feels. My brother means everything to me. “You don’t need to fear it. Audrey’s strong, and she’s okay. She’s probably at school right now bashing Dylan 2.0.”

“I know she is.” Claire laughs, and the sound resonates through me as if it’s the only thing keeping me afloat in this crazy mess of a life I’ve created. “Though there were a few hospital visits due to infections where I wasn’t sure if she’d make it.”

“I’m sorry your family had to go through that,” I say sincerely.

I want to grab her hand and kiss it and kiss her cheek and her lips and do so much more with her than reading, but I settle for that instead.

For the intimacy of this moment, of having her close to me once more.

I keep wiping her tears away as she reads and I listen to the story, surprisingly eager at this point to see how it all ends.

Claire reads well into the late afternoon, when she suggests we get some fresh air.

We barely speak, rather we keep our eyes on the trees farther ahead in the backyard. We’re in our winter coats, sitting on wood logs on the deck, my chair close by. It’s taking a toll for me to sit up straight, and I know I won’t be able to for much longer.

“I love having you here,” I whisper. Guilt crushes my chest when I feel like all is right in the world again.

She shakes her head. “And I love being with you, you must know that. But none of that matters if you’re back with Gemma.”

“I thought you understood after our last talk.”

“Harvey.” She turns her head to look at me. “I want you to keep your word. That’s what matters to me. If you can’t leave her, thenpleasejust let me know.”

I swallow. “I already told you, I’m doing the best I can. She wanted to reduce your hours, and I refused.”

“And I appreciate that,” she says before she sighs. “But I can’t keep doing this.”

“This isn’t easy for me. It’s hard and painful. I know what I have to do, I just can’t seem to do it,” I say, hoping she’ll understand.

“You know what…” She lets out a small laugh and shakes her head.

“I asked you for time… It’s been one day! I need you to let me sort this mess out, without hurting her.”

“Without hurting her… What about me? You keep tossing me to the side the second she’s interested in you again, and then you miss me and you want me too.”

“I know. I’m so sorry, Claire, please!” I take her hand, but she pulls it away and stands up. “You think I’m not torn? You think I enjoy this?” She’s walking on the deck as I try to talk to her, desperate. “Claire, listen to me.”

“No, you lied to me,” she says, then lower, much lower, she whispers, “At least it feels like you did. It’s like you say whatever you think I want to hear.”

I didn’t lie to her. I meant every word I said yesterday. But I’m so confused.

I realize she’s crying, and I’m shattered by her tears. A part of me wants to call her irrational for saying I’m lying, yet deep down, I know that my actions have caused these insecurities in her in the first place.

“I want you—no, please, Claire. Babe, listen to me.” I’ve never called herbabebefore, and it feels so right. This woman feels right in my arms and in my life. “Iwantyou,” I continue. “You must know I do.”

She stops pacing and turns to face me. “Maybe she’s right. Maybe I shouldn’t work with you anymore.”

“No. Don’t say that—don’tsay that.”

We’ve talked about this before, but this time is different. I can feel a shift in her demeanor. She’s sick of the push-pull.

“Then why stay with her? You can’t have both of us. I won’t have it.”

I bite my lip, looking up at the sky, hoping it might provide the answers to my troubles. I got into this mess all on my own, and clearly, I’ll have to get myself out of it.

There’s no other way out but through the pain. And that’s exactly why I couldn’t be there for Gemma. I couldn’t see her pain through mine.

I don’t want to utter the words on my mind, yet I know I must. I have to help Claire understand why I’m so conflicted about leaving Gemma.

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