Page 32 of Frozen Flames

“Sure.” We have time to kill until the pizza comes. “Let’s see what these kids have been up to lately.”

“Okay.” She beams and scoots closer to me on the couch.

I should tell her to move. IknowI should. But I’m frozen, eager to stare at her as she reads to me. I’d be lying if I said Ihadn’t wanted her to. Something about her reading to me is so peaceful. A kind of peace I haven’t felt in a long while.

And with every line and every chapter, I want to hear more.

Not necessarily more of the story—I’ve never been much of a reader—but more of Claire’s emotions. The sadness clings to her voice at times like honey, while other times her joy and laughter echo throughout the room.

Claire’s outlook on life…it rubs off on me.

“Amy can be just as annoying as Hen,” I say, referring to one of the fictional characters in the book. “And that’s saying something,” I scoff.

Her soft laugh is music to my ears as she lightly smacks my stomach. Then she reminds me how young Amy is and how well she grows up. I meant to grab her hand to push it off, but the second our hands intertwine, I notice two things: the sparkle in her eyes and the softness of her skin.

“Stop looking at me like that,” she whispers, her eyes pleading. For what? I don’t know. She stares at me as if she wants me to reach for the stars for her, as if I ever could.

She has such beautiful eyes.

The doorbell rings, and I let go of her hand as if it burned me. Then, ten minutes later, we’re on the couch, eating the delicious pizza.

“You know what you need?” Claire says eventually. “A good laugh.”

So she picks another funny movie. And I do laugh, and it feels like a muscle I must keep exercising.

I feel calmer after dinner. And that’s when I notice and appreciate Claire’s laughter throughout the movie.

It’s so different from Gemma’s.

Gemma. Fuck, Gemma.

Would she be mad if she knew that Claire had stayed? If she came back and saw us watching a comedy instead of our usual horror movies?

She would. I think she would fire Claire on the spot.

But I’m not willing to allow that. Not when I’m finally progressing and able to walk longer distances.

“I should probably go home,” Claire says after the movie is over and she’s cleaned up.

“Yeah…thanks for the movie.”

“Next time you pick!”

I nod, unable to tell her that there shouldn’t be a next time. Gemma will kill me.

Claire sees herself out, and when I head to bed much later, guilt keeps churning in my stomach. It takes me a while to fall asleep. It’s almost two in the morning by the time Gemma texts me that she’s landed in LA.

My heart is beating fast, both shame and remorse fighting for the primary spot inside my mind.

I fall asleep eventually, refusing to let either win.

Harvey

About Three and a Half Years Ago ...

Gemma’s in my arms as we’re lying down on a wool blanket, a second one covering us. The sky is dark, yet my focus is on the shining stars.

We’re on our first camping trip together, and she agreed to be my girl earlier while I towered over her, enjoying the sounds of her moans.

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